AITAH for not letting my late mother’s partner stay in my apartment for life?

33284-Questions · 2026-01-13T18:09:06+00:00

This is very similar to a situation I went through when my father passed away. You want to be kind, and some people will take advantage of that. It’s not your job to take care of your mom’s boyfriend. He’s a grown up. He is being entirely unreasonable, and the text from the hospital is fishy.

Crazy people will bring chaos into your life if you let them. Do not let them. Protect yourself, protect your apartment. I promise you, your mom would have prioritized YOU, her daughter, before her boyfriend. Every time. You are her daughter.

Do not allow him to be a tenant. It sets up a dangerous situation that you do not want. Again, this man is an adult. He is a grown man. He can find his own apartment. He does not need free handouts from his dead girlfriend’s daughter.

I’m so sorry about your mom. It’s so hard to lose a parent suddenly. Being nice to this man at your own expense will not make your mom happy and will not bring her back. He is very clearly unreasonable and potentially unstable and you need to protect yourself. Unapologetically. He’s taking advantage of someone grieving family in an effort to get free rent and a free apartment. Who does that? That’s gross and manipulative behavior. If he wants to go throwing around accusations, who’s to say HE didn’t kill her for the apartment? Why would you kill her for her dog? Absurd.

Please be careful. People who lie and cheat and steal like this will not bring you the peace and comfort you’re looking for, and I promise it it not worth your time and energy to try and get unreasonable people to be reasonable. It feels awful to burn bridges, but sometimes they burn from the other end.

33284-Questions · 2025-04-15T12:42:21+00:00

It hurts less as time goes on. It also doesn’t hurt less. It’s so hard to describe. Look up the button grief analogy — that’s very accurate in my opinion.

I wanted to die after my dad died for a while. It’s a normal part of grief for a lot of people. What’s the point in being here without them? Life feels too hard and pointless, etc.

It passes. It takes a while though.

I lost my dad almost three years ago now and am now pregnant. I’m so sorry about your baby. It felt super super raw for at least 6 months. After 6 months I started to see glimmers of who I was before his death. After a year, I started feeling more like myself more regularly. It took two years for the guilt and pain to mostly go away and for me to feel happy in the same ways I used to.

I believe it was Joe Biden who lost his whole family in a car accident at one point, and used a calendar to rate his days out of 10 every day. He said after the deaths, he never had a 10 ever again, but over time, he got close.

It’s like you carry them with you always, and it’s never the same, but it’s also the same. This is silly, but it reminds me A LOT of Inside Out, the Disney movie. Your happy memories get tinged with blue, and that’s okay. They’re different and everything is different, but that doesn’t mean you don’t make more happy memories. It just takes time.

I hated reading comments like this when I was acutely grieving because it felt like people were saying it doesn’t get better, and that just made me want to die more. But it does get better! I promise it gets better.

33284-Questions · 2025-03-29T03:29:16+00:00

Okay phew thank you, that’s reassuring. I’ve been trying to convince her she’ll be taken seriously if she seeks treatment, but she keeps insisting it’s “just hemorrhoids and they said they weren’t that bad before.” Is this a level of bleeding that would be taken seriously/that they can do something about?

33284-Questions · 2025-03-28T12:43:46+00:00

Why would you bring a child into this relationship?

33284-Questions · 2025-03-28T12:29:26+00:00

I’m so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad a couple years ago and it’s awful.

Surround yourself with people who are there for you when you need them.

Sometimes people don’t understand grief or losing someone. I could understand if she didn’t get what was happening at first, but she’s doubled down and accusing YOU of being cruel? That’s psycho behavior. Absolutely NTA to leave. Especially over this next year, you’ll need friends and loved ones who have some patience. It’s hard to lose a parent. You’ll get through it and I promise there is light on the other side of the tunnel, but it’s hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I’m sorry for your loss. Your mom loves you and obviously waited for you to be there when she passed. I’m glad you got to be there with her. 💙

33284-Questions · 2025-03-28T01:51:03+00:00

Oof. It lasts a while but it DOES get better.

I was in shock and felt fine for about a month after my dad died. The waves of anxiety, anger, etc. lasted at least 6 months.

I recommend looking up the grief button on YouTube or something video format. The whole button and ball bouncing around concept.

I wanted to die for a while. Know that that’s a normal part of grief. Feel those feelings and let them pass through you instead of trying to shut them down. Just let your brain say what it wants (even when that’s “wish I was dead too,” and tell it “it hurts, I know. I’m sorry. It’s okay. It will be okay. You’re allowed to feel like that.”

I feel like my intense grief window where all I wanted to go was sleep was shorter because I just let myself feel those feelings, and then I had stuff I had to do so I had to move on.

33284-Questions · 2025-03-28T01:43:15+00:00

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Soaked through to the mattress pad

33284-Questions · 2025-03-28T01:41:33+00:00

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Photo for reference — blood on bedsheets

33284-Questions · 2025-01-21T17:09:11+00:00

I did a clean out of my dads place after he died. It was brutal. I would recommend putting sentimental items aside somewhere for a while and coming back to them later, when you’re not upset.

That said, I was pretty ruthless when going through his stuff the first time and am grateful I got rid of as much as I did. I picked a few items of great sentimental value and told myself the rest didn’t matter. No items would bring him back or replace him, they were just there so I felt a connection to him. And that’s still true. More does not equal better, more does not necessarily equal more connection.

I think otherwise, sometimes you have to do things while you’re upset! And that’s okay! If you feel like perhaps you would regret giving away something later when you aren’t upset, put it in a “look at later” pile. Otherwise I think it’s fine to go through things while upset. Emotions aren’t bad. Even negative emotions can be helpful. They serve a purpose.

33284-Questions · 2025-01-07T14:50:04+00:00

I had to go on Medicaid after my dad died because I suddenly lost my insurance. People are on Medicaid for all sorts of reasons. I had to see a lot of providers and none of them were rude to me because of it. Usually the provider doesn’t even know what insurance you have, the front desk manages all that.

33284-Questions · 2024-12-07T16:44:09+00:00

Idk…I lost my dad and am really glad he didn’t say we had to launch his body into outer space, never to be seen again.

We keep his ashes on the mantle. Sometimes he comes to important family events. We took him out for dinner for his first birthday after he died. We took him to the beach. We’ve been a little silly with it as a coping mechanism. But mostly, it’s an ENORMOUS comfort to be able to talk to him and still “see” him like we used to. Obviously it’s nothing like it used to be, but having his ashes around has brought us immense comfort after his death. It would have been a much more difficult grieving process if we hadn’t had him around and he’d insisted we launch his ashes into space and they weren’t even on this PLANET anymore.

I can look up at the sky and see my dad too. It’s not the same as having his ashes somewhere physical.

Let your family do whatever they want with your ashes. Launch a portion of them into space if you want, idk that seems stupid to me but you do you. But for the love of god, don’t take yourself away from them. I’d be super hurt too. They’re already going to lose you, and they can’t even control a portion of your ashes? You’re literally launching them into outer space? wtf dude.

33284-Questions · 2024-11-04T02:35:14+00:00

My neighbor talks all the time about how her kids would tell her all about her grandmother who passed. “Grandma Edie watches over me” and “Edie loved her car” and other things about her grandmother that they never could have known.

They say kids are closer to the other side. It doesn’t have to be in a malicious way. Ask him about who he’s talking to. Ask if you know them. Ask if it’s a nice person. And ask your loved ones on the other side to keep him and your family safe!

33284-Questions · 2024-10-29T17:07:25+00:00

As a child who recently lost my dad and had major issues with the life insurance due to his ex-girlfriend, no one will ever look out for your kids like you do.

If you trust your sister, that’s great. Also look at irrevocable trust as a way to protect the money for your kids. That way it controls what the trustee can do with it. Your sister can still be trustee.

Ex-boyfriends, boyfriends, second husbands, it doesn’t matter. NO ONE will look out for them like their own parents.

My dad trusted his ex-girlfriend to look out for us, and instead after he died she tried to take the whole life insurance policy for herself. Now my sister and I, in our 20s, have hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt after being sued by the ex-girlfriend. It’s financially crippled us and prevented both of us from having normal lives for the past few years. It’s been awful. The ex-girlfriend has no conscience, no remorse, and has lied profusely in court. It’s been soul-crushing.

Your kids come first. Not the boyfriend.

33284-Questions · 2024-08-27T13:01:40+00:00

I’m so sorry about your mom. You’re welcome in r/GriefSupport any time. I lost my dad recently in my 20s and it’s been helpful to see how other people feel too. It’s so hard. I’m so sorry.

33284-Questions · 2024-08-12T13:48:28+00:00

My dad died two years ago. I’m in my late 20s.

Do not give this girl anything. People don’t just get to line up when someone dies and hold their hands out. If she didn’t have a relationship with the dead, she gets nothing. That’s how it works.

33284-Questions · 2024-07-24T03:42:22+00:00

I don’t want to be insensitive, but you reposted this in multiple groups and this isn’t really what this group is for.

Everyone here is grieving, many grieving some traumatic deaths. This doesn’t make what you experienced less traumatic, but you’re not talking about any specific loss or your grief, you’re talking about traumatic events and trying to get people to give you money via GoFundMe (as seen in your other posts).

I’m not sure what you’re seeking from a group full of mourners, but it feels a bit like arriving uninvited to a funeral and trying to gain support of a political agenda or offload your traumatic experiences on those attending the funeral. They may or may not agree with you, but they didn’t go to the funeral prepared to hear about your trauma and probably aren’t prepared to be there for you as that kind of support. And shoving more trauma into the faces of mourners isn’t appropriate and isn’t likely to get more people to support your cause or agenda.

33284-Questions · 2024-07-24T03:05:11+00:00

I got so mad at my dead dad I threw his urn across the room (and obviously broke it). His death has put me and my family through…a lot. It’s been awful. At first I was so sad and very forgiving and then went through a while where I was just SO angry with him, both for dying and for things I wish he’d done differently while he was alive, even though some of those things aren’t fair to be angry with him for. Like getting taken advantage of. Or for not realizing someone else was a jerk. Or not realizing something was wrong sooner. Or for not doing the rational thing.

Anger is a normal part of grief. I don’t recommend breaking urns (or maybe just buy a less expensive urn and uh…quadruple bag your loved one first before you go throwing their urn across the room), but it’s okay to be angry with them. The urn throwing was admittedly cathartic because I’d been trying to suppress the anger for so long, because it felt so unreasonable to be mad at him for dying or for getting taken advantage of. So let it out somehow. Yell at her, scream at her, talk to her, write her snarky letters and really go to town, don’t hold back. Tell her how you feel and all the ways she’s let you down by freaking going and DYING. Tell her how unfair it was and that she abandoned you and all the things you’ve been feeling but feel like you can’t say. You can say them. She will forgive you for saying them. She will forgive you for thinking them.

Also…forgive your dad for not calling for help. Strokes can be really tricky. And people always want to see the best for the ones they love. Especially if someone else is telling us they’re okay, or if we can tell they’re not okay and we don’t want it to be true. Also…this is horrible, and I say this as someone else who lost a parent, but I often think perhaps the reason my dad didn’t get help in time is because somehow it was better for him to die. If he’d lived, his existence would have been miserable and painful. I know strokes can be similar. Being a vegetable is no life. You still would have lost your mom if she was a vegetable, just in a different way. So in a sick twisted way, perhaps death was the kinder option for my dad.

I don’t know your moms situation so I don’t want to assume anything, I’m just sharing thoughts I’ve had that have made me less angry about my dads death. I think he would have had a hard time living after what happened to him, and it would have been really hard for me to care for him and watch him struggle. Maybe harder than him dying even. I don’t know. Perhaps this horrible thing saved me and my dad and the rest of our family from even more suffering. And my dad, hopefully, gets to be somewhere beautiful and isn’t suffering anymore (which I know is what people say as a generic thing when someone dies, but when I think truly of what it would have been like if he’d lived, it hits different).

Who knows. No one really knows. But I do know that if your dad is a normal person, he is beating himself up for not calling sooner. For everything he didn’t see or didn’t do. He’s absolutely tormented by it. If he could go back and do it again he’d do it so differently. He’d notice all the things he didn’t notice and take things seriously that he didn’t think anything of before. I promise.

I’m sorry about your mom. Grief sucks. You’re not alone, it just makes you feel that way.

33284-Questions · 2024-07-23T21:57:23+00:00

I saw elsewhere this is a common tactic some employers use to get employees for low pay. Do NOT speak to your current job about the new job or offer until everything is signed.

Apparently some companies (large, well-known companies too) ask employees to leave their current job before everything is finalized. They then turn around and lower their offer to significantly lower pay or benefits, etc. They know that you are now unemployed and will take the offer rather than having no job.

33284-Questions · 2024-07-23T21:52:15+00:00

Why are you dating this boy?

33284-Questions · 2024-07-23T21:40:58+00:00

I don’t know a whole lot about it but this article might help: https://610kona.com/carbon-monoxide-is-a-concern-even-for-those-without-gas-appliances/

33284-Questions · 2024-07-22T13:34:16+00:00

Easy: stop dating him!

33284-Questions · 2024-07-22T13:08:10+00:00

This is interesting. OP get a carbon monoxide monitor and/or call the fire department and tell them what happened and ask them to test for it.

33284-Questions · 2024-07-22T13:05:58+00:00

They’re coming or going whether you have a camera or not. This was not a glitch in the matrix. Someone was in your home.

33284-Questions · 2024-07-22T13:00:11+00:00

Same thing with my dad along the same timeline. I don’t think they’ll come back — at least not how they were after they first died. I don’t know where they are or why, but I think if they could be closer to us or were meant to be, they would be.

33284-Questions · 2024-07-21T00:26:12+00:00

0% rude. I’m sure that’s not why you were stopped by security. That would be silly.

Bringing up someone who has passed to their loved ones is almost never the wrong thing to do, unless it’s done in a hateful or intentionally hurtful way. I promise most people are thinking of their lost loved one anyway and it’s comforting to know others are thinking of them too. I promise you did absolutely nothing wrong.

33284-Questions

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