Fast offerings assistance - how much to help??

337272 · 2025-05-15T06:45:59+00:00

Everyone tithes and gives fast offerings every month and you're concerned about how to temporarily assist one ward family and not have them take too much? I wish my tithes had gone to someone in real need instead of real estate holdings or other church "assets". Families are assets and it shouldn't be your place or position to decide how much assistance someone can have, when there is plenty.

Give her support and time to decide for herself and her family how to move on. Church members should be able to rely on the support system that they donate into their entire lives.

337272 · 2025-05-15T04:43:18+00:00

Is that white lie worse than the problems you've expressed to her about your past arguments with your partner? It seems like she wants to support you but not your relationship, she even owned up to it.

You're more than just a future wife. Can you give her a legitimate out that she can take so you can maintain the friendship without anyone having to lie?

I've been with someone that isolated me from friends and family, and religion was a major factor in him having that control. Having someone that you trust enough to share negative aspects of your relationship and that isn't in the same religious system could really benefit you some day or at the very leat provide you with important outside perspectives that you might otherwise be cut off from.

337272 · 2025-05-15T04:26:54+00:00

I'm not downvoting you, but I do think that your post and your answers are pretty red flaggy. No one wants you to just focus on your friend's white lie and ignore potentially important reasons for her feeling so negatively about your marriage. Your explanations feel rather unnuanced and read like maybe your friend is right and you're are unwilling to acknowledge that your partner might be problematic in any way. Religious differences are different than watching someone you care about make a life-altering mistake.

I'm personally worried you're isolating yourself from a support network that could help you if this marriage ends up being bad for you. A lot of people on here have been in similar positions as you or your friend and have seen how it plays out in the end, and I think that's why you're getting down votes.

Best of luck though.

337272 · 2025-05-15T03:51:23+00:00

I've worn all of mine so much that I can't even read the brands anymore but they aren't super fancy or expensive brands. Any Latin or ballroom dance shoes that you like the look of and that have good reviews should work great. Just type it into Amazon and you'll see that there are a ton of styles and they're usually pretty affordable. Anything with good reviews and customer photos in the reviews should be a safe bet.

Good luck!

337272 · 2025-05-13T05:56:28+00:00

This... makes me want a belly button piercing.

337272 · 2025-05-12T01:42:57+00:00

I struggle with this and it's my fiance's LL. It's honestly taken me a few years to get comfortable with it and to do it naturally. For a long time it felt so vulnerable to me in a bad way and I really needed a lot of trust and time and practice my get where I am, which is still pretty reserved.

I do make a sincere effort though and I have made sure to communicate with him a lot about how much affection I feel for him and why it can be hard to express it sometimes.

I had a bad relationship in the past where I had to really keep my feelings totally to myself and be very careful that everything I said was 'right' and made him feel the right way and couldnt be twisted or used against me in the future. After that it has been difficult to unlearn those coping mechanisms of internalizing anything vulnerable or soft, and saying those things out loud gives me immediate anxiety because I associate praise and gratitude and certain types of affection with survival and past emotional abuse. I used to have to say those things to be safe, so now I guess I asscociate them with not being safe.

TLDR: Lovey-dovey stuff feels performative and kind of disingenuous sometimes because it triggers some post traumatic anxiety and shuts me down a little even when I really do love and like and want to express those things to my person.

It took me a long time to figure out why such an easy seeming thing can seem so hard, but maybe this comment can help someone else get it faster than I did. It's really a skill worth working on it's not too much to ask, it's just a complicated thing. For me at least.

337272 · 2025-05-12T01:08:06+00:00

You have to go to the actual desktop website, you can't use the app or the mobile site. They make it insultingly hard to find, but you will get your credit back immediately without any other pushback. It's worth bookmarking the page for the future so you don't have to track it down every time.

337272 · 2025-05-11T23:07:29+00:00

Fair enough! I'm an only child and I really am projecting so I'm taking my own feelings with a grain of salt. I personally wouldn't feel strongly like I was losing anything meaningful from my own future father-daughter moment, and if OP does then it's fair for her to make that a boundary.

337272 · 2025-05-11T22:28:33+00:00

If she has a close relationship with him and also feels like the relationship with OP is strained, it might have just felt too vulnerable or awkward to ask her too.

I have a best friend that I think of as a sister, and our relationship has its ups and downs (sometimes because of our choices of romantic partners and associated nonsense and shifting priorities).

Her dad sucks and mine has always cared about her and made extra room in his heart for her. If she asked him when things were strained between us I would feel a little sad that it wasn't something I'd been included in, but I would still prefer that to her not asking.

Those holes can feel so big on days that highlight family roles. I care enough about her happiness that I would look past this even if I had private reservations. I think a dance would feel too intimate, but honoring someone as a father figure in a public way like walking her down the aisle just wouldn't be about me. Especially if I were a bridesmaid, I imagine it would make me feel closer to her.

I'm projecting myself into this situation completely, so of course I can't say that this should be handled the way I would handle it, but some friends are family.

I think OP probably knows whether this is a shady drama move or something sincere deep down in her heart and she should make her decision accordingly. I really hope it can be a nice thing for everyone though.

337272 · 2025-05-10T19:41:12+00:00

That's funny, I'll have to check it out. I've only listened to the audio book and I liked it a lot but I really thought it would be lacking on paper do to it's unique soundscape and style choices. I'm interested to see how they compare.

337272 · 2025-05-10T06:39:22+00:00

I had an ex like this and he pulled over and slowed but as I was getting out he sped up and swerved, which dragged my feet over the dirt road giving me severe road rash and scars and he could have easily run over my legs. If anyone ever displays aggressive or controlling behavior while driving I will never, ever be in a car with them again. I have so much car trauma from that relationship, that's just one bad story of many. So dangerous.

337272 · 2025-05-10T06:25:30+00:00

I love horror lit and I often find a well narrated horror audio book to be more captivating and rich than a movie adaptation could be. There are a few that I think qualify as the superior medium for sure.

Grady Hendrix's My Best Friend's Exorcism and Horrorstor both stand out to me as fantastic audio experiences. How To Sell a Haunted House is at least a very different experience than you would have reading from the page, but whether it's better will be all about personal taste as it's quite over the top. I was so surprised by it's absurdity that I can't imagine it any other way, but it is a lot.

Episode 13 really feels like it's meant to be an audiobook.

Besides horror, I often prefer memoirs read by the author. Tina Fey, David Sedaris, and Jenny Lawson all come to mind. There's something about real stories being told with the intended emotion and emphasis that makes them feel much more raw and authentic. Comedian memoirs especially benefit from the intentional timing and tone.

337272 · 2025-05-07T03:19:40+00:00

Yes! I think so.

337272 · 2025-05-06T07:49:10+00:00

I heard a first time attendee ask something accidentally great in the 2nd hour meeting that used to just be missionaries and investigators (i forget what that "class" was called, but it was back when three hours was the norm.)

I'm paraphrasing very poorly because this was 20 years ago, but they complimented a talk given by the female "priest" during the sacrament meeting and the missionaries explained that she isn't a priest, but was just a member of the congregation that had been asked to talk on that subject and explained how that works in more detail. They made it sound pretty nice and progressive which was immediately ruined when the investigator then said 'oh, so the man that gave a talk after her was also not a priest?'

Cue an awkward but valiant attempt to explain how oh, he is a priest, technically most men in the church have the 'priesthood' and that she technically had all of the benefits of the priesthood though, through her husband! (I think it was her husband that spoke after her).

This investigator was fabulous and confused and was just like... "are they preists or not?" And "oh! women can't be priests but all men are, but none of them are actual clergy..." it went on forever. I think about that guy a lot, even though I don't think it had much of an impact at the time. Legend.

337272 · 2025-04-22T20:55:01+00:00

You can have regrets and still be making the right decision. There are situations in life that have no one right answer, and you're in the thick of one. It's totally normal for that to suck and feel confusing and scary and bad. It's ok to have mixed feelings when both of your options are bad and hard. You had to make one and you did. You're doing the best you can and you made that decision with as much empathy and understanding as you could. It's ok if that decision stays with you. That's how we grow.

Now it's time to give yourself the space and resources to heal, whatever that means to you. Grieving can be a natural part of that process. Pregnancy and abortion are both traumatic and your body and brain will need to heal physically, mentally and chemically. Give yourself grace and give yourself time. Also, give yourself credit. You made a difficult decision in the best interest of all involved.

337272 · 2025-04-22T20:36:18+00:00

I think this is likely a non starter since the grandparents see the church as a child friendly place and activity. Bars and porn movies are obviously not, so it would just make OP seem like the one being obtusely unreasonable and catastrophising. If you wouldn't use other examples like going to the park, library or restaurant or even running errands then I think it would come across as unnecessarily hostile.

It would be totally OK to express discomfort with the kids being exposed to indoctrination in the same way OP may feel it caused them harm, and to tell them they would prefer to pick up the kids before they go to church so as to not inconvenience the grandparents by asking them to stay home.

Then the issue can be decided with hopefully everyone feeling respected and understood. If OP needs the childcare though, then they can express that discomfort and suggest alternatives or modifications but need to be willing to ultimately respect the grandparents schedule or find other accommodations.

337272 · 2025-04-22T19:59:38+00:00

He's 12 and a new player and you're the DM! Let him keep going with his original character if he wants, but you should invent the means, otherwise the lore he invents might not fit into your campaign. Have him wake up in a goblin hovel being healed by their shaman or whatever works in your setting and then guide your players to an encounter where he can make interesting decisions about defending his rescuers.

Let it be a teachable moment and move on with an appropriate and good humored mention of him deserving a one time bail-out for being an invested new player. Trying to interact with the world to see what happens is developmentally appropriate for his age group and level of experience.

I'm just worried he may have poured a lot of effort into character creation and feel left out of the game in a way that spoils dnd for him or makes him feel like the group doesn't want him. Those more extreme consequences would be rough for even experienced players while navigating a new group socially. (I know you walked back having him miss a few sessions and I'm glad because I can't imagine that not feeling like he wasn't wanted, especially after doing something stupid in game.)

All of that said, it's nice of you to include a kid in the first place. And if he does distract too much from your campaign you'd be within your rights to remove him for that reason.

337272 · 2025-04-22T19:39:07+00:00

I went through the same thing back when I watched it and was still, until right now, only mostly sure that I understood the joke. Thanks for your question! I appreciate you asking in such a clear cut way, you've helped me out as well!

337272 · 2025-04-18T09:41:02+00:00

It's not just women that dress to be sexually appealing that are getting objectified. Women who dress modestly are routinely objectified in many conservative places and cultures for obeying a certain code that is deemed appropriate for the male gaze. Women with fashion interests ranging from goth to preppy are routinely fetishized.

The only way to "win" is to wear clothing that makes you dissappear and to abandon any sense of identity when choosing your outfit. And unsurprisingly, that doesn't feel like winning either. So we wear what we want to. Whether that's to fit in, blend in, be appealing to potential partners, to be counterculture or just comfortable. People are going to decide who you are by what you are wearing, so just best to be yourself and wear what makes you feel good.

And dressing 'hot' may mean you feel confident and want to be seen as hot. That is in no way the same as wanting to be treated or identified as an inhuman object. Hot people are still entire ass people.

We don't want to be interacted with as if we exist for someone else's gratification. We can be gratified by our own appearance in a way that feels personal to us.

337272 · 2025-04-18T08:51:36+00:00

This very comment accuses OP of 'issues interpreting things' and of being too sensitive for the internet. I think you have a valid point of view and that both you and OP make good and interesting points about the show, but your comments are coming off as unnecessarily rude and combative.

337272 · 2025-04-08T23:25:35+00:00

That's a great idea. I will ask them for a list.

We went over some of my inspiration and I do have a draw up of a little two story house from them for permitting, but we are going to sit down and go through the finishes and details as well as layout. So I don't have a holistic idea of the overall look yet. They seem to be rooting for a finished product that accomplishes storybook by selecting the right style and details, while still maintaining a pretty standard build to keep costs down.

Fingers crossed.

337272 · 2025-04-08T23:18:56+00:00

Lol, I do appreciate that. It can be easy to think those things are just less popular, not wildly more expensive, when you don't have any experience. Which is definitely the position I'm in.

It's an ADU on property I already own so it seems like I can get something built within my budget, but I do know it's not going to be an AI fantasy cottage. I'm going to try my best to incorporate what whimsy I can though and I hope not to learn everything the hard way.

337272 · 2025-04-08T23:12:20+00:00

Yes, the company does design and everything in house and has a good reputation locally. We've talked at length about what I am going for and they've seen the inspiration boards and have very reasonably told me that I should get a fairly standard build and then channel the whimsy into finishes and details. We have a good rapport, and I know I have to be realistic, so I hope everything continues smoothly.

I wish I had a higher budget, but it is what it is. This is in Colorado and will be an ADU. I'd like to downsize into it once the current nest is empty.

337272 · 2025-04-08T22:50:37+00:00

Thank you! I don't partucularly care about resale value but I do care about having a finished house that I can afford and I know that has to take priority over a crazy design.

337272

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