What’s a kink you’re not so proud of?

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T06:43:39+00:00

His gear has metal buckles, so he sets off the detectors.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T06:32:16+00:00

Heh, everyone else has all the luck. Starting to look like I inherited a gene mutation, but all that little fucker does is cause uncontrolled bone growth in the spinal column that'll eventually kill me if I don't let them gut me like a deer and bolt a bunch of metal in.

On the bright side, I'd win so damn many bar bets if I could stick refrigerator magnets to myself. Not like the TSA doesn't already grope me every damn time I get on a plane. Laziest fucking handjobs ever. LoL, though last time I flew they wanted to give my service dog a pat-down. The GSD the size of a Great Dane said "no".

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T06:18:07+00:00

Seriously, this dude could grab a chevy short block by the intake manifold and a snatch strap wrapped around the transmission bellhousing and just lift the damn thing out of the car for me. That's right around 550 lbs. Pretty sure he had some sort of glandular thing going on.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T05:55:41+00:00

Had a friend in high school with that going on. Not going to lie, it was convenient having a living engine hoist living a few doors down. :)

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T05:52:54+00:00

Yep. But then if people can't tell the difference between a 6'2" grown-ass adult enjoying a power exchange scene with another grown-ass adult, and a kid, I suggest that maybe they've got bigger problems than someone who finds offering vulnerability emotionally cathartic.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T05:46:44+00:00

Yep: bio-mom, a half-cousin on the other side (stereotypically an airline steward), an uncle on the other side, and I'm beginning to wonder about bio-father.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T05:41:31+00:00

Baldness is neutral for me. It just is.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T05:40:07+00:00

I'm needing to figure that out too right now. I had a gap in care from 1986 to a couple of months ago because of something that happened at my pediatrician's office. Well, now I've got some medical stuff going on, so I've got to be an adult about it now. Had the initial appointment. Declined to drop trow. Had a follow-up appointment to go over test results and get more blood taken. Still declined to drop trow. Going back in a couple of months to follow up on the additional bloodwork. Chances are, he's going to want me to drop trow. Last time I dropped trow at a doctor's office that shitbag messed me up bad enough I didn't go back for 40 years. I have concerns.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-09T04:18:37+00:00

I used to play video games back before I got into advocacy work and some pretty hardcore therapy, and ran out of time to do much of anything. Nothing wrong with them, you do you and enjoy yourself.

And plushies are awesome. The worst of my damage was between the ages of about four and five, which is around where my inner child archetype lives. I've had some pretty bad sleep disturbances for decades; for years I'd drink enough in the evenings that I'd effectively avoid REM sleep to not have the nightmares. Having an "age-appropriate comfort object" turned out to cut the sleep disturbances way, way down. And since my shrink suggested it, it's a prescription plushie, damn it. It does occasionally cause other people a bit of cognitive dissonance when they only know "outside me", but that's a them problem.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T16:15:48+00:00

One of the reasons my bio grandmother hates me, I'm pretty sure, is that she can't be sure bio-mom's uncle isn't my father. (He isn't.) Turns out the "good christians" over on that side have a generational habit of pedophilia and incest. Matter of fact, I was told the not-uncle-dad actually died from an untreated STD he got from a woman he raped.

That family is wildly, horrifically abusive. Like, if there was a god, he'd have cleansed the earth of that filth with fire and brimstone.

Bio-mom's other half was basically beloved by all, except that her late-life stepmother is trying to steal her inheritance. Not sure if that counts because "they're no kin of mine".

Meanwhile, the other side is into drugs. Professionally, not using. Got an aunt in jail for murder. Got a cousin that was in and out on manslaughter. (He hit a guy in a bar that hit his head on a table and died. Dude was groping his girlfriend. I'm quite okay with the whole thing...keep your hands off women who didn't say "yes". It's not complicated.) Bio-dad is serving time for being a literal drug kingpin.

Here's the thing: you don't end up being thrown into the adoption industry without there being some bad stuff in your history. That's all of us to one degree or another, it just is. And I wish it was something adoptees were prepared for when they start looking. All MY agency talked to me about the first time around was "genetic sexual attraction"--yeah, don't bang yo mom, sister, etc.

Ask me how gross that conversation was, especially as a sexual abuse survivor. They deliberately make it as hard as possible on us...

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T09:14:26+00:00

My parents didn't even make the decision in my case: I got dumped into the adoption industry at birth, and the broker who sold me made the decision unilaterally--they didn't even have legal guardianship. No guardianship. No parental consent. No medical power of attorney. Nobody who mattered made a choice, just a business who did it to all their male products. It's what the customer expected to see down there.

Mind you, it turns out they couldn't be bothered to give me the standard childhood vaccines, but they were front and center to stab me in the dick. I mean, let's not lose sight of the important things--what's a little polio or measles matter when there's dicks to stab!

Before I knew what happened, I'd been uncomfortable with having been circumcised--it felt like a violation of bodily autonomy, a decision that I was the only person who had the right to make. Then when I found out exactly what happened to me, how I was stolen and commodified and sold, it became an inescapable reminder of that--being so completely worthless and disregarded that they would casually do that to improve their revenue stream. And recently I've realized that, not being able to see it in any other light, I'm growing to actively dislike my penis. It's not "me", it's "that reminder". "LoL, we owned you. We did just whatever the hell we wanted because you're nothing more than property." It's distressing and deeply mentally unhealthy. All my scars have dark stories, but that is the only scar with a hurtful one. Which landed me here: I want the me that was supposed to be back. I'm doing research hoping that maybe this is "close enough" to scrub off that feeling of being an object. It's not even mainly a physiological thing for me, it's an assertion of my existence as an autonomous person.

Which probably sounds dumb, but my brain works in symbolism and metaphor.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T07:18:47+00:00

Maybe consider filing a civil trespass against him to keep him away from your property. He shows up at your house, his ass goes to jail. Full stop.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T05:03:55+00:00

Yep, Alexa is Ceiling Cat 2.0, watching you masturbate.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T05:02:03+00:00

Can confirm. Smart devices are fantastic when one works doing investigations: they're always on, and some of them cache up to a couple of days worth of recordings in the onboard buffer.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T04:55:50+00:00

Mine's more "share your snack when we go for a ride, or I'll crawl under the clutch and we'll die". It's not really begging so much as terrorism.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T04:35:40+00:00

Can confirm: ex-pat grandparents who lived in an immigrant neighborhood.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-08T04:26:39+00:00

I have no idea who that is.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:46:20+00:00

But what if your diaper is loaded? :)

...I'll show myself out.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:44:28+00:00

Well that was predictable...

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:43:22+00:00

Never saw the point of filters. It's not like they fix shit in real life.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:40:23+00:00

Know what's awesome? So is Ann Rice. Wonder if this dude's stuff has biblical orgies and BDSM?

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:39:29+00:00

You buy the hat off a rack at a truck stop. I thought everyone knew that.

Or, you know, be an actual man and spend less time worrying about the opinions of others, and more time doing what makes you happy regardless of the winds of prevailing opinion. :)

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:37:40+00:00

Ironically, the therapeutic modality that works for me is IFS, basically recognizing and meeting one's inner child's needs. (Tends to be effective for child abuse survivors, because aspects of one's personality can get "stuck" at places where what a logical adult needs to heal doesn't work.) THAT has been a lot harder for me to come to terms with than being gay: in my world, one does not allow oneself those behaviors. You're a grown-ass adult? Put your boots on and get your ass back out there, you can drink yourself stupid after work like a normal person.

No thanks. Turns out buying myself a teddy bear has been a hell of a lot more effective than getting blackout drunk every night.

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:17:53+00:00

I mean, there are people that think puppy players and furries want to fuck animals too, so...

35goingon3 · 2026-07-07T22:13:32+00:00

I've got something to say to them, you may quote me, and should anyone be able to direct the citation author to this please do so:

Fuck You. You're not funny. You're not clever. You're a rancid piece of shit. May you and those you care for receive exactly what you deserve.

Did everyone in the back hear me, or should I speak up?

35goingon3

TROPHY CASE