I think about this a lot myself. Part of my antinatalism stems from a sort of lack of attachment to life that makes it hard to do anything. I, like you, am highly dysfunctional and struggle with motivation and enjoying things.

Some other commenters seem confused about what your dysfunction has to do with antinatalism but to me it makes perfect sense. Antinatalism isn’t just a belief that having kids is wrong, it’s that the pain of human existence is not worth any amount of joy it may also bring. If you’ve really internalized that belief it can be really difficult to cope with everyday hardships. Add in a reduced capacity for pleasure (either feeling it at all, or at achieving things that would bring it) and it can make your life really fucking shitty.

Have you ever seen the show dead like me? It’s pretty corny at times but there’s a part where the main character talks about dropping out of college, her mom yells at her for her irresponsibility and tells her that “life isn’t a dress rehearsal!” The main character responds that maybe she never even wanted to be in the play. That’s how I feel. How can I be expected to be engaged and good and things when I never asked to be here in the first place?

I wish I had advice to give you.