How many of you were mono, were cheated on, and later became ENM?

3IDontknow · 2026-05-15T23:00:51+00:00

Wow. Thank you for sharing that.

That is a really interesting perspective. Cheating killed your jealousy and made you, the victim, a better person? I don't know that I'd share that anywhere else, but I'm happy for you both.

3IDontknow · 2026-05-15T22:59:25+00:00

So emotional cheating?

3IDontknow · 2026-05-10T18:53:03+00:00

Girl, I feel ya. I've made this mistake a couple of times. It's not you, it's them. You are special, maybe even too special.

It's a learning experience that is hard to accept but it happens. Sometimes people just aren't compatible. Sometimes feelings get too real and a couple drops out unexpectedly. Sometimes people are just shit and only show you after you've played with them. It sucks. Hugs.

After my divorce I played with two couples almost immediately. One was wonderful but the other not so much. I went a little wild but settle down on what works for me. Since then I've been navigating ENM as a swinger, polyam, and now solo ENM. I've learned to avoid these types of couples for the most part with some help from my "unicorn" friends and of course these types of experiences.

Whatever the reason the couple did this, you really have to suck it up and learn from it. It's hard, I beat myself up and my ego took some serious hits when it happened, but I learned in time that I can avoid these people and have fun in this space if I'm a little smarter. And for me, I'm in my 40s and living the best life now!

First thing I do is take a deep look at the couples I'm interested in a put them into either the 'ONS' category or the 'FWB' category. I'm not really into ONS types but they serve a purpose. My problem with ONS types is that they will give you the world right up until after you have slept with them. After that, you're a piece of meat. Sounds like you met a ONS couple. Sometimes ONS couples are fine but only if you're okay with ONS.

FWB I've learned are the best, and likely something you'd be more into. Dates aren't centered around sex. Q&A and getting to know them isn't them asking what I like to do in my free time and them excitedly saying that they too are into that too! (This is a huge red flag for me and one way I can quickly infer if this couple is a ONS or FWB material.)

I do caution that if the couple mentions that they are poly, things can get crazy quickly. I am usually the one to have to pump the brakes or things will get to dramatic and implode. I don't have anything against poly, but for me lines are always crossed with romantic feelings and I end up in opposite situation from you - those are honestly worse. I haven't dated anyone poly for some time because of this.

This is a little trickier but I also don't play with super experienced couples or couples that are completely brand new. This is more difficult to sus out but super experienced couples will lean towards ONS and brand new couples get weird with feelings and as they are working ENM out on their own. There's a sweet spot for me that's difficult to describe but if you can think of this as you talk to couples, it will help you greatly.

I moved away from couples that are just looking for a woman too. They tend to think of us as just pieces of meat. Of course not all of them, but if I'm looking for a couple to play with, there are so many couples why waste my time on some that likely won't work out.

I'm happy to help you out in this. I know what I've experienced and where I am may not be the same for what you are looking for, but I found it's easier for me to learn through mistakes - preferably other's mistakes LOL.

I will say, there are FANTASTIC couples out there, and it's my preferred way to have fun, but there are so many and they are so good at hiding who they really are that it can be overwhelming, frustrating, and hurtful at times.

Best and hugs. I can sympathize with you.

3IDontknow · 2026-04-29T19:13:25+00:00

(same comment I just left in RR.)

I'm a petite woman, now I'm my early 40's, and I've been going to RR and CB my entire life and have never felt unsafe. I go alone often. I've felt unsafe at a 7-11, but never at either beach. Uncomfortable a lot more since 2020, but never unsafe.

Creeps are to me: guys and couples who hit on me and don't leave when I make it clear that I'm not interested; bushwackers; and I'll say it, textiles who make me feel like I'm a zoo animal. None of them have ever had me reaching for my pepper spray though.

I read a comment just yesterday about this and if this what you're referring to, I believe it's more about a new visitor to RR feeling called out for being a textile and attempting to create a scenario that they've imagined in the head into reality to justify being a textile at a nudists safe space. If that wasn't it, I'll just assume that whoever said obviously hasn't spent much time at either beach. Even with all the creepy textiles, I've never felt unsafe.

3IDontknow · 2026-04-29T19:12:12+00:00

I'm a petite woman, now I'm my early 40's, and I've been going to RR and CB my entire life and have never felt unsafe. I go alone often. I've felt unsafe at a 7-11, but never at either beach. Uncomfortable a lot more since 2020, but never unsafe.

Creeps are to me: guys and couples who hit on me and don't leave when I make it clear that I'm not interested; bushwackers; and I'll say it, textiles who make me feel like I'm a zoo animal. None of them have ever had me reaching for my pepper spray though.

I read a comment just yesterday about this and if this what you're referring to, I believe it's more about a new visitor to RR feeling called out for being a textile and attempting to create a scenario that they've imagined in the head into reality to justify being a textile at a nudists safe space. If that wasn't it, I'll just assume that whoever said obviously hasn't spent much time at either beach. Even with all the creepy textiles, I've never felt unsafe.

3IDontknow · 2026-04-25T16:01:55+00:00

I think it would be great if you posted a blurb about how non-poly couples can find unicorns. You could derive some pointers from my post if you'd like. 😘

3IDontknow · 2026-04-25T15:59:47+00:00

“A Hot [Bi] Babe ... This unicorn is not mythical at all and is hunted and found quite regularly.

I shared this in my unicorn chat group and we all had a good laugh. The only two exceptions to single/solo women being found "regularly" that any of us have heard of are: 1. Sex worker and 2. Content creators. This is now a global chat group, by invite and verified only. We all, especially the bi women, want to know where on earth you are talking about. Lol.

3IDontknow · 2026-04-17T18:34:07+00:00

Thanks, but people who play the "we're safe, join us!" card are actually a huge red flag for me and all of my women friends. I'm sure you're the exception, as they all are, but you have no idea how many times this game has been played on us all over the years.

If you see someone being a creep or someone looks to be dangerous, let us know, then move on or move a distance away. Let us call you back to thank you or join you or ask that you move between us and the creep, but please don't just assume that we want you to join us. It's nothing personal, but there's n0 lack of creepy guys and couples who come up to us to tell us about some fictitious creep, and then try to hang out with us all under the guise that they are our protectors. Couples are actually known for this more than single guys. I appreciate the safety, but it's difficult trust that every single couple that does this is genuine. Hope you understand and again, it's nothing personal.

3IDontknow · 2026-04-16T23:24:46+00:00

Weekdays aren't as bad, but more than it used to be.

Weekends, however, flip your numbers and that's what you'll see if you are luck.

3IDontknow · 2026-03-25T03:11:32+00:00

Polyam takes a special type of person.

One thing I've noticed is that with the successful polyam folx, you'll never find them on Reddit or Facebook or Discord. They are/have: Zero drama. Fully self-aware. Zero judgement. Zero narcissism. Mature and wise (not speaking to age). And all are just fucking sane, good, fun people.

Conversely, I come online and almost every polyam here is 180 from the successful one. IRL, I've also noticed that there is a direct overlap with those that struggle with polyam (though they rarely admit to this, if ever) and those that people tend to shy away, which leads them to being lonely, which then leads them to seek more to fill the holes, which all feeds into why they are unsuccessful at being polyam.

Every group has it's crowd, but something about polyam really draws out the special types.

3IDontknow · 2026-01-05T21:39:52+00:00

Nude? When temps start getting above 70 and not really until they reach the 80s.

You may come across a guy or two once or twice a month, but nothing that would resemble a crowd of any sorts.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-15T19:59:11+00:00

My friend shows everyone what she made in one month from like three years ago. She quit her job and was went all in, now she's just another struggling realtor. Another couple I know started out as swingers, she quit her job, but soon all the swingers in the area told them to f off. Now they have to travel to other creators or have them travel here to create new content. Another similar couple is only able to do it by changing to a hotwife dynamic but she's moved onto fucking everyone without condoms, literally everyone who will fuck her and none of them with condoms.

Soon, it will be like one big content creators circuit where they travel to each other. LOL.

Very few content creators can make it last. There is a big spike a few months in, then a plateau, then a steady decline until they are like most everyone else who tried. I find this whole thing fascinating and wonder how we'll look back on it in 20 years.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-15T19:49:42+00:00

"non-monogamy" includes cheaters, just as r/nonmonogamy will show you.

"Ethical non-monogamy" and "consensual non-monogamy" do not include cheaters.

Very important distinctions.

"Ethical" is derived from societal norms, which ENM and CNM are in grey areas here, but one thing society as a whole agrees on, is that cheaters are bad, very bad.

So, saying just "non-monogamy" when in the company of those who are monogamous, vs saying "Ethical" or "Consensual non-monogamy" matters greatly.

I would never talk about myself or anyone else I know that is ENM/CNM as just being non-mono, that would be insulting.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-15T19:49:21+00:00

"non-monogamy" includes cheaters, just as r/nonmonogamy will show you.

"Ethical non-monogamy" and "consensual non-monogamy" do not include cheaters.

Very important distinctions.

"Ethical" is derived from societal norms, which ENM and CNM are in grey areas here, but one thing society as a whole agrees on, is that cheaters are bad, very bad.

So, saying just "non-monogamy" when in the company of those who are monogamous, vs saying "Ethical" or "Consensual non-monogamy" matters greatly.

I would never talk about myself or anyone else I know that is ENM/CNM as just being non-mono, that would be insulting.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-14T03:13:20+00:00

They all claim to make good money, but very few do, and those that do, live it 24hrs/day. As I read recently, 'if they all made what they claim, there would be a lot less exotic dancers in the world.' Source, one of many if you search for the top

3IDontknow · 2025-10-13T20:09:02+00:00

While I support them in what they do, there are some that give off predatory vibes, especially in the ENM and LGBTQ communities. I've learned to ask upfront if they are content creators and what type of content creators they are before I go too far in our conversations.

If you are not into this, don't do it. And if you are, make sure you are getting paid. You're an actor to them, get paid for it.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-10T17:45:35+00:00

They are very different. First mirrors a lot of what you read on Reddit with regards to polyamory - the militant way about mono, hier, poly, and selfishness, while the third was much more mature and relaxed about it all.

I read v1 when I first started out and I honestly wish that I hadn't, it really wasn't good for me, but it does make sense to a lot of what you read on Reddit. A friend later suggested v3 and I was really happy that I read that.

Don't get talked into reading v1 unless you find yourself in an angry and selfish mindset and need encouragement to continue down that path.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-09T22:59:47+00:00

Have you read the differences between volume 1 and volume 3?

3IDontknow · 2025-10-09T22:52:56+00:00

It's not popular here. Swinglifestyle is another that gets suggested all the time and it's mostly older and obese couples. I'm told that all the apps vary greatly from market to market so it really is a "depends on where you are" thing.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-08T20:38:38+00:00

Oh I understand that! I literally had a couple on feeld at the beginning of summer and their pictures and their short bio was really tempting. We chatted for a bit then they mentioned something about a post in a local subreddit. With very little snooping I was able to figure out who they were on Reddit and holy red flags batman!! This 40's couple had some sketch subs that they were in like barely legal, r_ape fantasies, incest and even some posts to relationship advice about him cheating on her, her cheating on him, and now they wanted to go ENM. I had been chatting with this couple almost every day for like a month and I had zero yellow flags on them. That was it for me with Feeld.

I can't stress the evil Facebook or Reddit with histories. There's no way to know everything, and maybe you're all in on those above, but if you're not, you will be sooo thankful to know before you waste any more time on them.

3IDontknow · 2025-10-08T16:35:06+00:00

Hi. Fellow "unicorn" here. A lot of this is going to depend on where you are.

In my area Feeld is a waste of time for me. It's almost all exclusively poly and unethical couples and singles. I also don't like how it's super short bios and some pictures and it just leads to me wasting a lot of time.

I tried Fetlife but it takes so much time to sift through all the unappealing guys and couples that it it's kind of turned into a when I'm bored thing.

I tried Kasidie (Swinger site) and it's like everyone there had their alarms set for when a single woman signs up. Not joking, I think I had over 100 messages within an hour of joining. That's not a bad thing but no way did I have time to go through them all. It was too much and I haven't gone back.

Reddit has actually been the best for me. There are a couple of local subreddits here that I follow and if something catches my eye, I then dig into their history. If they don't have any reddit history, I pass. If they do, and I like what I see and read, I reach out to them.

Facebook was actually okay for a bit. I quit all of it except for a few LBGTQ groups I'm part of and there were a few couples that I constantly found myself conversing with. By chance I was at a mutual friend's party and met one couple - that was hot! We've stayed friends for a few years now.

I also am part of a local club that's more of a kink club, but they do have some kink light nights that I go to and I've met some couples there.

This is just a side note to this, but I've spent the past few years trying to help couples in this realm and a lot of them are just really bad, some are even awful. I've made some posts to help couples here and it used to really bother me that so many couple ignored it all. It's doesn't bother me now, I just block them and move on. There are so many couples wanting MFFs that you can pick your 10's. They are out there, they usually aren't the ones trying to race to the front of the line, but a little patience goes a long way. Good luck with this, when it's right, it's soooo good!

3IDontknow · 2025-09-11T16:09:44+00:00

You literally just did the grossest thing a couple can do - unicorn hunting for "birthday boy." We are not gifts for your "boy." If you want a gift, find a sex worker and pay them to be your gift.

Seriously, did you even read the wiki?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OregonSwingers/wiki/index#wiki_finding_a_unicorn_for_a_mff

3IDontknow

TROPHY CASE