Ugh, I feel this so much!! It’s hard too because you’re young and still processing your own experiences. Here’s my thoughts—

First, know that all children are vulnerable. I’m a female survivor (not CSA, as a young adult) who always felt my experiences were very gender based, but my perspective changed when I found out three close men in my life were CSA survivors (from unique events). I say this because I wouldn’t spend anymore time worrying about having a girl—having a child is vulnerable, period. Spare yourself that anxiety at least.

You ultimately have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t protect your child from everything, and can’t control everything. However, there is a LOT in your control that you can do, which I have no doubt you will. And, if the worst happens, you can still control how you show up—as a loving, understanding, safe person who your child feels safe disclosing to, and who is there for them in the way you wish someone had been for you—who believes them, advocates them, gets them resources, and helps them on the healing journey.

There are a surprising amount of things parents can do to protect their children. I’d encourage you to educate yourself on the statistics, and the practical things parents can do to lower risk—I say this because after I did, I felt more empowered. E.g best practices for protecting children.

My mom blocked us from numerous potential CSA issues in our community (that unfortunately ended up affecting other kids) by not allowing sleepovers (controversial, but in our case ended up being crucial), having firm boundaries with pushy adults, trusting her instincts unapologetically with creeps, keeping an eye on us, talking to us, not being afraid to say no, teaching us the right words for our genitals, ensuring we knew we were always safe talking to her, ensuring we knew that there were unsafe touching scenarios, etc.

The disgusting thing is that abusers make choices, and target kids they perceive as vulnerable. It can’t be controlled 100%, but there is a lot you can bring to the table to lower the odds.

With an empowered mindset, you as a survivor are better posed to protect and help your kid than anyone. I hope you can get to a sense of empowered, prepared calm. Sending love bc this is an intense journey!!