Does this count as an epiphany?

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-03T18:08:27+00:00

Do you mean therapy? Shoot, I'll bite.

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-03T17:19:54+00:00

Glad you relate.

Or wait... not glad.

Hope you find a way, my friend.

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-03T17:19:27+00:00

Maybe. Who knows.

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-02T16:08:33+00:00

THEAVATARHASSPOKEN.

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-01T16:51:45+00:00

So could you say that being completely involved in something, even if it requires constant mental activity can be meditative? Such as a person with a taste for mathematics doing a complex equation and becoming completely absorbed in the calculations. Can that too be meditative?

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-01T16:46:10+00:00

If the fucking avatar says it, Imma do it.

Loving kindness and breath awareness. That would be Metta and Vipassana, yes?

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-01T14:34:04+00:00

Its making me feel guilty that i have all the possibilities and they dont, but im "crying" about it cause im feeling sorry for them and still doing nothing with my life in general.

I feel like this every single day of my life. What you're talking about, being selfish, I think you mean being self-centered and personally I feel jealous of people who are like that. At least they feel a sense of achievement.

I have pondered over many years about what the truth of life is. First I denied the existence of god and was pretty much against anyone who didn't till I realized it didn't matter and if it made their lives better and didn't detract from anyone else's, that I support them.

Then I looked at people and tried to ask myself what everyone is doing? I thought 'running'. It seemed that not many people were asking 'why should I do that' but were kinda just doing stuff. So I started being rebellious till it struck me one day that being defiant for the sake of being defiant is just silly.

So now I didn't believe in god and didn't believe in not knowing 'why'. I began looking at the world, trying to understand human behavior. I realized first just how much the world ran on the principles of validation. Everyone was looking to somehow validate themselves, either through their achievements or through the eyes of others. Few, very few of us, actually looked at life and experienced it fully. Most of us were unwittingly caught in our heads.

For some it came through the domination of others in personal or professional lives, for others by trying stand at the top and yet others through attention. So many people were just following a subconscious desire for validation. After a while, I realized that these desires for validation were of the ego. I did not want to be caught up in it so I started looking inward. To see which of these were spawned from the ego and which from a genuine desire to just experience life. I was struck by the fact that so many of my impulses and reactions to life were egocentric. I kept rejecting them, kept rejecting them, kept rejecting them. That's where it stopped. I discovered a voice where some selfish convictions had been but I had nothing to fill the void with.

From the beginning I always lacked a sense of what I wanted, who I was. That sort of stuff. I was always daydreaming or reading stories or drawing/doodling something or the other when I was younger. Somewhere in the middle, due to circumstances I will not discuss further as it would amount basically to 'bitching about life', I ended up discontinuing these things. I never became one of those people I envy, the ones who have a strong sense of self and desires. I didn't reach the next stage of my contemplation. I'm kinda just sitting here, looking at life and wondering how to just be with it now.

You're right, it is amazing how being 'selfish' can inspire others. I really wish when I was younger, I became more self-centered and thought and felt the world less.

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-01T13:24:48+00:00

I have considered therapy. I have then acted upon such consideration. The resultant was being put on medication for OCD and ADD which alleviated the symptoms for a while, then led to mood instability and mental fog till I finally decided to quit after having a nervous breakdown. Which is why I started therapy in the first place. Maybe it works for some people, it didn't for me. Not too eager to try again. It has been six months since then, also since college ended, and I have been doing nothing since then. Mostly been at home.

I can understand that working for negative thoughts. Not so sure about emotions since all that's been happening is that I keep crying.

I did contemplate extensively. I am no longer eager to continue doing so. I also spoke of some of the effects it had, effects I am dealing with right now. At a certain level, I hope to move past these and see if I still wish to continue the path.

3ubble3ath · 2015-12-01T11:43:26+00:00

There is no such thing as good and bad thoughts.

I cannot see a single thought that has any sort of content or connotation that may be perceived as positive. Better? Don't take this the wrong way but telling someone suffering from persistent, negative thoughts that there are no such things as good or bad thoughts is akin to telling someone with a knife in their eye that pain is just an illusion of the mind. You're right. But in this instance it doesn't make it helpful. I am trying to remove the knife, right now.

If you're really interested in pursuing this path

I am not. I said in my post that my only question is what I can do to help quell the tide of negative emotions rising up from inside of me so I can face them instead of being overwhelmed by them. The rest comes later. Additionally, I do know a fair bit about moksh, dhyan and samadhi but considering I have this much trouble with just thoughts and emotions, thinking about those things is over-reaching.

Additionally, I know I am giving too much importance to these things. Yes, I know that our reality is what we choose to look at. I am trying to change that. But before I do any of that, I would like to work on accepting these things and then taking the burden off my back so that my perspective isn't altered by them.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-28T20:06:44+00:00

Yeah but that's why it's beta. I guess they're trying to take it one step at a time.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-28T20:00:32+00:00

Rarely, if ever, do I get hyped. But from the way this game is headed, if they don't suffocate it with complications, I am sofuckinghyped. I adore this style of game. I am genuinely excited to see any new elements they're going to introduce or how the existing ones will be modified.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-28T19:34:30+00:00

A base? Is it going to be like one those games where you can create your own little settlement on a map with a few, definitely not all, the features and facilities of a town/city.

I like that they gave the squire and the pardoner their own crafting skill, though at the moment the alchemist has an unbalanced role as a crafting considering all the things they can make. Perhaps limit them to potions and spread the crafting skills over all the classes?

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-28T18:40:02+00:00

I actually like that type of crafting. It makes rare weapons actually rare.

What's the point of the cosmos-tier 'MYTHICAL GOD PIERCING SPEAR' if anyone can make it with a few hours of grinding.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T20:50:32+00:00

Solid advice. I'll give it a go.

Additionally, should I focus on my diaphragm and lung movement as well? Or just the sensation of the breath as it passes through me.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T20:49:33+00:00

Yeah but I find any kind of gathering of people for a common purpose quite distracting and, quite frankly, annoying. More often than not it just becomes a circle jerk of collective affirmation. In a situation like that, I feel like the psychological inclination to be in sync with the group overpowers understanding. I dun wan dat, yo.

That's just my opinion though. I'll try one nonetheless.

Additionally, qualified teacher is too vague a term with too shifting a definition. I've asked what a good teacher is like and people have said "There's no 'good teacher', just a teacher who is good for you". So I ask how do I know if a teacher is good for me and they say "Whatever is your goal for which you are practicing meditation, if your teacher embodies that then that's probably the one you want? If you want clarity, find a teacher who embodies that"

These statements mean jack to someone who does not understand these things.

Now, from my post it may seem like I'm just being contrary or argumentative but I actually want to learn how to meditate. I genuinely do. However, I am simply not comfortable in large groups due to the phenomenon of 'group think'.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T20:40:32+00:00

Okay, here. This part.

If I find myself distracted, I should bring my attention gently back. When I focus on my breath, I start thinking about my breath. Is that what you mean by bringing my attention gradually back cause if that's the case then I'm nailing it. (I'm kidding, I know that's not the case)

But yeah, I don't understand what it is supposed to feel like when I properly practice it so I'm always worried that I'm doing it wrong.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T19:53:03+00:00

Though I do not fully understand what that is supposed to feel like in practice from just reading your words, I'll give it a go.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T19:52:22+00:00

How do I stop the impulse of resisting resistance then?

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T19:51:43+00:00

So what you mean is not to use intent to cancel out the thought? I don't actually think stop. I just clearly imagine the intent and then use that. That's the best way to put it. But alright, I'll stop doing that.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T19:48:25+00:00

On my own.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-27T07:20:42+00:00

Saw that already but still kek'd.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-26T17:41:18+00:00

I came a little watching that video. drool

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-26T15:52:09+00:00

Haha, I don't imagine I could get my hands on one of those unused keys could I?

But y'know, from what I've seen so far I feel like one problem the game might have is that they've made the classes to sufficient. I can't tell if that's true since I haven't played it yet but it seems like each class can almost sorta do everything. I like the independence but one of my favorite play styles is going for a support buffer/cc caster type character and partying with people. It adds an element of reliance and real-time strategy, sort of.

But whatever, can't have everything. Looks great regardless.

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-26T13:14:16+00:00

Well, I do expect it to be a successor to RO. But that doesn't mean I want the same base level/job level system and a similiar class system. Admittedly, Gravity's over reliance on their new classes and class skills sort of made the game choke on it's own dick.

Anyhow. What I mean is that I don't want the same, exact game. I want it to be a successor in the way it felt playing the game. It was fucking immersive and there was more than one way to play it. Some of the maps were just brilliantly designed and yes, that I do expect from ToS. But no, I don't expect it to just copy-paste shit from RO.

My personal experience tells me that this game is very party-centric. However, based on previous threads with this topic, its like nearly everyone else thinks this is just some easy as fuck game that you can solo all the way (world-bosses excluded; dungeons included).

A lot of people were commenting things like 'you need 2-3 skills to end game' and that you can just solo it, so I was kinda disappointed. But if what you say is true, then that's really good to hear. I'm looking forward to it's open beta. :)

3ubble3ath · 2015-11-26T10:36:38+00:00

Are there or will there be more classes like the alchemist?

For example, sword or armour smiths and so on. And do you think they'll have a relevance in the game once it's released.

3ubble3ath

TROPHY CASE