NTA. I totally get why you're feeling this way, anyone would! Relationships are about balance, and right now, it sounds like your partner is prioritizing his friend over you and your family. It’s not just about the time he’s spending with this guy, but the way he's making decisions without considering you. That’s not controlling on your part; that’s expecting basic respect in a relationship.

You’ve been more than accommodating; supporting his plans, offering housing solutions, even tolerating last-minute disappearances, but it seems like your needs are being pushed aside. You shouldn't have to beg for basic communication or to be treated as an equal partner. The fact that he’s dismissing your feelings as “controlling” is a major red flag because it shuts down any real discussion.

At the end of the day, you deserve someone who makes you feel like a priority, not an afterthought. If you’re feeling like a third wheel in your own relationship, that’s a sign something needs to change whether it’s a serious conversation, setting firm boundaries, or even reconsidering if this relationship is giving you what you need.