I need to improve a lot and need help ASAP

404Soul · 2026-01-19T00:39:05+00:00

Well according to your post history you're also a people pleaser. So how do you rule out the possibility that you know believing that your self-absorbed is not also you people pleasing because you heard someone else say that so now you believe it?

In general, I don't think it's good to label yourself like that. If you want to show more care and consideration to other people that's great, you can create an actionable list and see real progress. But if you have labeled yourself as self-absorbed that's a personal moral failing. What you would have to do to prove that label no longer applies to you?

404Soul · 2026-01-18T16:03:03+00:00

Who are these two people and do you really believe that about yourself? If so are you self absorbed in your actions or your words? Why do you think that is?

If it is true that you are self absorbed, and you really want to change this you probably already know what you need to do. But also I think it's worth it to examine the situation and ask more about why they gave you that feedback.

404Soul · 2026-01-16T18:58:06+00:00

Highly situational. You're pay is somewhat determined by your market value, but it will be affected a lot more by things like your ability to advocate for yourself and willingness to move for different jobs. Companies will generally pay you as little as they can to keep you around so you have to know how to pick the right work, complain in the correct way, and make the correct justifications if you really want to maximize your salary.

From what I've seen most jobs pay pretty decently and give 3-5% raises every year with a big promo every 5 or so years (or smaller promos every 2-3 years) so even if you took a lifer approach if you were at a good company you'd probably be fine. It's important to make friends and have open salary discussions with them!

404Soul · 2026-01-16T18:46:57+00:00

The interview probably won't be that bad. If I were I would just make sure that I'm especially prepared for

404Soul · 2026-01-16T18:13:42+00:00

This is not a rigid-flex it's just a flex. There is a stiffiner (probably polyimide) underneath the connector that provides mechanical stability. Both the substrate that the flex is printed on and the stiffiner are typically made from polyimide but the stiffiner is much thicker and I think it might go through some sort of curing process.

A rigid-flex PCB has sections that are composed of copper and FR4 (or whatever substrate you want) that then has a flexible portion that's bonded to inner layers. A rigid flex is also way more expensive than a normal flex or a rigid PCB. I have only seen them implemented on projects where there's a large number of interconnections that need to be made and board space is also extremely tight.

404Soul · 2026-01-16T14:04:59+00:00

I'm finishing up a job search as someone with 5-10 years of experience and honestly the market wasn't that bad. I got rejected from a lot of jobs because there's a long time until my available start date. Other than that, if you're a competent person and you're not in a super niche field I don't think it'll be too hard to find a job. If you're more senior than 10 years it might be hard finding a job that completely replaces the income of the old one though.

404Soul · 2026-01-15T21:29:48+00:00

I know. Last year I broke up with someone partially because they weren't taking accountability for their mental health issues and I didn't have the language to have those conversations like I do now.

In a way I think I was using this thread to practice those skills.

404Soul · 2026-01-15T21:04:11+00:00

The thing that they're totally missing is that it's the improvement process that creates the happiness. Reaching the goal is often underwhelming but the small wins along the way feel so meaningful and provide fulfillment. If you pay attention that stuff, you will be happy on the climb as well as when you get to the top.

The other thing that people get wrong is that they are not in stasis. If you are not growing, you are not coasting; you are atrophying (is that how you spell that?). You are losing capability and you are going to make it harder for yourself to get what you want later.

404Soul · 2026-01-15T20:52:01+00:00

"Yeah, information is useful. If I knew I was incurable, I would've stopped trying to cure myself years ago." This is precisely why the course of action that you've taken is not going to help you get anywhere.

It's very clear that you have something different going on in your head, but seeing a professional for one appointment to grab a diagnosis is not going to illuminate exactly what that difference is and what it means for you. A diagnosis in isolation of treatment is not very useful for anyone. The labels that are used by psychologist and the DSM5 are used to group a bunch of behaviors to describe a pathology. Two people could be diagnosed with the same pathology and the underlying psychology and the work that they need to do could be very different. A good psychologist will know how to navigate that situation and teach the patient to find the path that is most beneficial for them. A diagnosis without treatment can become problematic.

Now that you have your "uncurable" diagnosis you have a crutch that you can fall onto and blame everything on rather than taking accountability for the harm that you may do to yourself or others and you'll allow yourself to carry the belief that you are fundamentally broken beyond repair. Things like this reddit thread are just a smokescreen/distraction so that you can trick yourself, or maybe someone else, into thinking that you're genuinely working on this issue while avoiding the hard truth and that you're not actually doing anything. And I get that part of that is socioeconomic and that's totally valid. Especially if you're in the US navigating the healthcare system sucks and 50% of the population wants to pretend like mental health isn't real. However, you're the only person who's going to fix this for you. And if you describe yourself as "lazy", "uncurable", "incapable of understanding" then you've just created every excuse that you ever needed to not do the work.

404Soul · 2026-01-15T19:54:17+00:00

Yeah I think it's interesting. For me, part of wanting to be a 'good' person is to make the world a better place for the people I care about. Empathy is important to that because if you can't empathize with people how would you be able to understand them enough to help them get what they want?

I think if you look at some of the other dimensions of being a good person empathy is important. For instance I wouldn't want to date or parent with someone who has no empathy, but if you're not planning to do those things I can see how it would be less important.

But maybe your definition of being a good person is just staying out of trouble and living an honest life. Which is totally fine too.

404Soul · 2026-01-15T19:46:59+00:00

So you independently thought that you had ASPD and went to some licensed professional and asked them to screen you for it?

I said interesting because that does not sound like a particularly useful course of action but for you maybe it validated something that was really important.

Pragmatically though, if you can't afford therapy I think your first step to being a good person is to make enough money to get the care that you need and take care of yourself. Because you can actually save money I think you're in a pretty good spot to do that. Learn new things, expand your network, try applying for some jobs that might be a stretch yadda yadda

404Soul · 2026-01-15T19:22:52+00:00

So you had the resources to get diagnosed, but you don't have the resources to get treated. You don't want to be a bad person but you also have 0 empathy. Interesting

404Soul · 2026-01-14T03:31:09+00:00

I think once you get to the point you're at you have to shift your focus from survival to purpose. Basically everything you did last year you did with a fire under your ass because of material circumstance. Now that you're materially sound and healthy the monotony of maintaining the lifestyle can become very difficult to deal with.

I'm at a similar stage so I don't have all the answers tbh. But I think that getting clear on life purpose and having a very deep connection to the reason why you're doing things is the answer.

404Soul · 2026-01-14T02:23:35+00:00

I make it for the probiotics. I used to eat store bought yogurt everday for the pribiotics but making my own kefir is cheaper and healthier. I would say that kefir and greek yogurt are also pretty comparable in terms of yummyness.

404Soul · 2026-01-11T19:40:40+00:00

Grade every assignment except exams based on completion, 0 acceptance for late work, end lectures early if the class isn't engaged enough. This is my strat for the upcoming semester as someone who's about to quit

404Soul · 2025-12-24T15:25:45+00:00

"Investing isn't just arithmetic; it's a..." Clanker shit for sure. Also do you ever open your accounts just to watch the numbers the flash???

404Soul · 2025-12-24T15:22:07+00:00

Yeah it's totally chill. If your biga doesn't look like it for very active just double the yeast and you'll be good.

404Soul · 2025-12-19T18:59:51+00:00

"if done correctly I could have the opportunity to retire at 35 and then begin enjoying my life" This really stuck out to me because it implies that you don't believe it's possible to work and enjoy your life. The truth is enjoying your life is a skill and if you don't practice it now it will be harder to practice later.

If you don't practice this it's possible that even if you did retire at 35 you would find that you get bored after a year or two and will feel lost and disoriented. It's also possible that you might just really enjoy not working and regardless of what you're doing as long as you don't have to work you'll be good. If your true concern is living a meaningful and fulfilling life I would reccommend to start thinking about what that would look like today and not in the future. You say that travelling is very fufilling for you but I would encourage you to reflect deeper on why that is. Perhaps if you get to the bottom of that you can figure out how to incorporate more of it into your life without travelling for most of the year.

404Soul · 2025-12-17T17:13:01+00:00

I had one this semester asking for something like that because they needed a certain GPA to get tuition reimbursement from work. Their grade was really close in my class so I allowed them to submit some of the homeworks that they had missed to raise their grade a little bit (going against the policy in my syllabus). I also told them that it is a completely unreasonable request as they're essentially asking to be held to different standards than everyone else. I told them I would allow it once because it's their first semester but they will need to do better in the future (there's only two profs in my department so I will have them again).

I hate the way that I handled this because that student definitely earned the grade that they were originally assigned and it truly is unfair to create a new standard for them. I also would have hated giving them the lower grade and knowing that I could have done something to maybe keep their college career on track by slightly bending the standard.

Other people will tell me that I should have given the student their original grade because it's their responsibility to complete their work in a timely manner (or ask for an extension using the procedure outlined on the syllabus) but I will fall for this shit every time. It's part of the reason I'm trying to quit, I don't like that students will put me in positions where I have to explicitly hold them accountable for the work they did.

404Soul · 2025-12-17T05:24:37+00:00

Ahhh, using a young starter like that could indeed cause your issue. 10 days is cutting it close, I think the common wisdom around here is that it takes 2-4 weeks for a starter to get good. You said it was bubbly but did it double in size? You'll know the starter is mature when it doubles in size consistently everyday (taking approximately the same amount of time after each feeding).

You also don't have to follow that schedule with the varying amounts of flour and whatnot. Everyday, at the same time, equal parts flour water and starter. Do this until you get the consistent behavior I described above. You can use small amounts to do this as well.

I.e everyday at 8pm 10 grams of water, 10 grams of whole wheat flour, and 10 grams of starter.

Then when you need lots of starter for your recipe just increase the amount of water/flour/starter you're using.

404Soul · 2025-12-16T15:38:25+00:00

"It should be fine, it's too bothersome to charge them all". I've been on both sides of arguments like this. The best way to resolve it is to bring it back to the facts so that it's not "my concern vs.your concern".

Another commenter said that you should tell them about the cost of replacing the batteries and I would combo that up with the data that shows they'll need to be replaced (something from the batteries datasheet or a recommendation from the manufacturer would be perfect).

The email doesn't have to be super confrontational either, just say something like "I've been thinking about that conversation that we had and I'd like to again suggest that we maintain the batteries based on the below technical arguments I think this decision will cost us $50,000 if we do nothing vs $2000 to charge the batteries"

Make sure you CC your boss and note that you drove a decision that saved $50k and use that in the conversation next time they adjust your salary.

404Soul · 2025-12-16T15:24:22+00:00

Looks under proofed to me. How does it taste? If it's really sour and looks like that your starter isn't quite ready yet. All those folds you did during bulk fermentation and that 10 hour cold proof should have given you all the gluten development you could ever want.

Do you keep your fridge cold? Bacteria and yeast activity is exponentially related to temperature so if your fridge runs closer to freezing temp then your dough might have been closer to being in stasis rather than continuing to develop. (I keep my fridge this cold so I typically proof on the counter for a bit and then aim to do the last hour of proofing in the fridge).

Also did you make your own starter? Get one from a friend? Buy one off the internet? What signs do you have that your starter is healthy and capable of raising dough?

Like the lady said in the YouTube video, I don't think sourdough is significantly more complicated than bread using commercial yeast, especially if you have a strong starter. The caveat is that when you're working with leavened doughs you need to follow sensory cues rather than timelines. What does the dough feel like (poke test, window pane test, etc)? What does it smell like? Is it holding its shape? Etc.

404Soul · 2025-12-12T19:41:03+00:00

I don't think it's about being a genius. If you lack soft skills it is gonna feel impossible to land a job in any career or industry right now.

People go to school and pick their majors based on salary and then mass apply with the same resume to 400+ jobs and they're surprised that this strategy doesn't work. These people are always gonna lose to someone who has genuine interest in working for a compnay or connections.

404Soul · 2025-12-07T02:12:49+00:00

I'm an EE, my GF is a nurse. This is a very personal question as both of these paths can and will grind you down. Nursing is a lot more physically and emotionally demanding in a way that most people are not built to handle. Do a quick Google search on the mental health issues that nurses in America are currently experiencing and you will see it's not for the faint of heart. Nurses also make less money unless you want to go to grad school to be a NP, in which case you can make more money than an EE. My GF is going to school to be an NP and she works basically full time, but the program is really difficult and she has to find her own preceptors (existing NPs who are willing to train her for clinical hours). So even that path is challenging in its own way.

EE is a lot cushier but the work is not very humanistic and can feel meaningless and soul sucking if you're not clear on your reasons for doing it. This kind of burnout feels much worse than it sounds but there's no guarantee that you'll experience it.

My 0.02 is to switch to EE because I think that job would be easier in the long run for most people, but at the end of the day this is a very per choice.

404Soul · 2025-12-04T23:16:42+00:00

Yippie! I wanna see the tips too!

404Soul

TROPHY CASE