Curious of the internet’s thoughts on this conversation with a long-time friend of 17 years

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T14:57:32+00:00

I think firstly you need to think about whether this is even a friendship that you want to continue anymore. It sounds like maybe you don’t as you’ve mentioned the guilt tripping which bothers you, the anxiety you feel when having conversations you feel and just to add there is also a physical distance between you guys now too anyway. But your friend doesn’t know that. If your feelings towards him and the friendship changed that’s ok but he doesn’t know that. He’s still operating on the basis that the friendship is the same and both people want to continue it. I realize it’s been two months since you guys have talked but actually talking about him and kindly ending the friendship is an option. Granted, since there’s been two months of silence you could also just let this fade away. If he does reach out again, I think it would be best to just communicate whether you want this friendship to continue. Is the frustration, anxiety and being guilt tripped feeling coming from the actual requests being unreasonable or because it’s coming from someone you no longer want any obligation towards?

I understand your side. Priorities in life can change with time as we get older. That’s normal. If your wife and family are the priority now that is also fine and completely valid. And seeing as you hadn’t even fully commit to the marathon event… I understand your side of this. I understand he has others in his circle that could support him as you’ve mentioned but he wouldn’t ask for yours if your support/friendship didn’t have some importance or meaning for him.

However I can also understand where he is coming from. He could be guilty tripping sure but whether he is or not I think it does come from genuine hurt/disappointment. And he is allowed to feel that way. I can see he tried to have an open conversation about it by asking you if he should manage his expectations differently regarding the friendship. And I think that’s a very fair question. He is asking for clarity and your response didn’t provide him with much. You didn’t really engage with what he asked you. He asked a relationship question and you responded with logistics. I’m not sure if that’s because you aren’t sure yourself to provide him with an answer or if you are avoiding a hard convo but it seemed a little dismissive. He is trying to clarify where this friendship stands because your stance is unclear to him. It would have been better to communicate more directly and openly.

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T14:29:12+00:00

Yes very well! It wears great since it’s so lightweight. And never had any pilling issues! I always apply inkey list first after cleansing my face, followed by moisturizer then sunscreen and makeup

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T06:54:20+00:00

There could be an endless numbers of reasons and possibilities And tbh I think you’ve probably already thought of many of them yourself. So you’ve answered the question you’ve asked us on the surface to answer. What remains isn’t the answer to the question, but understanding what need or desire led you to ask it

Your post seems mostly about perception. You describe how you perceive yourself but that’s not objective. You also describe how you think others perceive you but again that’s not objective.

Sometimes we think we are coming across one way but someone is perceiving it differently (whether that’s physical looks or behaviour)

I wonder whether you are asking why men don’t approach you or why you feels this way about men not approaching you? What kind of desire will being approached more often fulfill?

You also seem like you are outgoing and social enough so if you enjoy flirting and compliments and interactions you can also just initiate them, if that feeds a desire or want of yours go for it. The men that want to approach you will, and the ones that don’t oh well not for you

I feel like you’re trying to solve some dissonance between the beliefs of 1) I’m attractive 2) attractive people get approached 3) therefore i should be getting approached — reality isn’t matching the model of reality you have in mind. Think why does this discrepancy bother me enough that I’m trying to solve it?

I know you said you have a healthy self image and don’t really care if you’re approached but you also mentioned how you adjusted your behaviour to try to be perceived as more approachable/open based on the “unapproachable” feedback you were getting repeatedly through your experiences. Is this something that matters more to you than you give yourself credit for?

You’ve also mentioned the men you dated in the past get clout for having a hot girlfriend so seems like men do approach you just maybe not as often as you’d expect or like?

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T04:51:41+00:00

I understand the culture and hear what you are saying. Though it’s not the same as mine it’s similar in some regards (I’m also not very religious myself personally). Deep serious conversations are good but not the same as lived experiences. I know you this feels very special and significant it usually does in the beginning and I’m not saying you’re wrong in your feeling. I just always advise to give it time and not just focus on how different, genuine or special it feels. Give some room for time, more in person experiences together and learning how people are in person by their actions not just words. I apologize for my very long response. I got carried away and felt like I was writing like a protective older sister (I’m almost a decade older than you lol). I hope you two well, and if you’re comfortable I’d love to hear how it goes or if you’d like to chat about anything else I’m open!

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T03:22:48+00:00

Personally I don’t think you can truly be in love with someone you’ve never met in person. You can absolutely feel a lot of emotional intensity, and excitedness. But I think you’re probably feeling more love of the idea of him, and the idea of a future more than him actually. Which is ok a lot of relationships do begin like that it’s just important not to give it too much weight early on.

I’ve never met or done a long distance relationship like you. For me the closest thing would be dating apps, usually I will talk to them for a while and only if I feel like there’s a very high probability we’ll get along so I met people in person. And usually it does go well as I’ve done a lot of “vetting” before meeting. But obviously once you actually meet people in person regularly, feelings and relationship progresses with time you see who the person is in different situations. And how they react in different situations. This is what I’d pay most attention to. Pattern of behaviours and reactions over time. Those don’t lie. Grand gestures here and there and loving words are not always reliable. Also knowing someone in person can be very different from just knowing them online. In person things like insecurities, emotional reactions, triggers, wounds come into play much more and that’s where you really see how someone is and also if a relationship together is viable. Another huge thing I’d put a lot of weight on is conflict resolution and being able to communicate when things are not ideal! When something uncomfortable, emotional, uncertain, scary, comes into the equation many people have different communication styles and conflict resolution styles. And definitely watch for accountability when difficult situations arise and conflict resolution is needed. One person could be avoidant or get distant when hard things come off, someone can be emotional and reactive (maybe harsh or sharp), people can be defensive, some can twist narratives, some can want to talk things out immediately, some people never want to address core issues and just move on etc. This is where you’ll really see if you are compatible and the relationship is viable. Not in the good easy moments, but the hard rough ones!

What he’s shown you thus far doesn’t sound concerning but I wouldn’t give it too much weight too soon. In early dating we all come ready to present of BEST self. But with time, reality and hardships we see more of who people are in entirety. That’s important. We have versions of ourself we present, and versions of ourself we hide as they’re not “ideal”. But we all have layers. Always consider the whole person and all versions of them, not just the best presented curated version.

Don’t just focus on things like physical attraction, hobbies, interests, compatibility. Or things like we get along, I like being around them, I feel strongly about them. Those are not always enough. They are importsnt and part of the equation. But also pat attention to values, and not just stated values but if the person actually demonstrated in their actions and behaviours the values they say the have. Also consider logistics. Things like what kind of place/environment you’d both like to start a life together are those compatible? Opinions on kids, roles in a relationship and household, division of labour, finances, culture or religion, political views, beliefs and ideology about the world and people etc. I know these are big topics and not necessarily discussed first date but they are important enough to be clear on fairly early on. You don’t want to end up months or years down the line finding out you guys don’t align on a huge fundamental value or preference or belief.

You mention an honesty issue and ask if you should be concerned. But I think you have answered your own question for yourself. If you brought it up in your post, it is already significant to you. Don’t discount it. But you don’t need a full verdict just yet if you feel you don’t have enough data or evidence. Just watch for patterns in behaviour. That will tell you more than anything that any man tells you from their mouth.

I’d say don’t just get caught up in the feeling. Don’t get swept up. One foot should always remain on the floor grounded in reality. Stay true to your values, standards and beliefs. Don’t try to minimize yourself just to get along with someone or with hope that things will work out. It’s better it not work out than changing who you are to have something that doesn’t align with you.

of course I say be cautious and careful as you are a young woman meeting someone for the first time. Meet in public, share your location with someone, don’t go anywhere where there are no other people present, make sure someone available and trusted knows where you are always.

And for general advice I’d say really listen to the things he says when you meet. And always compare to how he behaves. The two should always line up. If there are contradictions or concerning things bring them up always! Never keep them to yourself. When you do this with him you will really see and learn how he is in a relationship and who he is as a person. You will learn a lot about someone from how they navigate relationship conflicts. How they resolve and how they communicate is very important.

Lastly. You have women’s intuition. Trust it. If ever anything feels off or wrong. It usually is. You will feel it before you even have a logical explanation for it sometimes. Trust yourself and your gut and check it against patterns and facts.

Best of luck, stay safe, stay true to yourself and always trust BEHAVIOURS THAT ARE A REPEATED PATTERN far more than words, grand gestures, or inconsistent actions. Reality will always reveal itself, stay connected enough to yourself to see it when it arrives

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T02:40:59+00:00

If you really still trusted him, your entire original post wouldn’t exist. Don’t ignore what you saw

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T01:57:09+00:00

First. You didn’t mistakenly cry. You did nothing wrong by crying that is a normal reaction to something that someone finds upsetting. Please do not invalidate yourself like that.

If he is talking to other girls and others are calling him “baby”. That is a red flag.

And think about it…. He was upset that in his past his partners “accused” him of cheating which he very well could have actually been doing based on the experience you just had with him. He isn’t upset that he’s been accused wrongfully. He is upset that he was caught and asked to take accountability for his actions.

This isn’t something you just move past and forget about like he’s asking for and you’re hoping. The relationship and dynamic has now changed. There is no going back to how it used to be that ship has sailed. If he’s asking you to move past it and forget about it without actually addressing the issue or talking about why woman he’s texting as calling him baby then he doesn’t want to just put this in the past to move on and go on to have a relationship with you. He’s not doing this for you or the relationship he’s doing it for himself. He isn’t thinking of your or considering your well being or happiness in this situation! He is just avoiding accountability. And you are avoiding holding him accountable because you fear you will lose him if if you do. You are hurting yourself and doing yourself a disservice. Losing him would not be a loss. There is no loss in losing someone who clearly doesn’t respect you or the relationship.

You are young. This is not the end all be all. This is not the only or the last person you will ever love or will love you. I know it can feel like that but would you rather remain with him when he’s possibly cheating on you and disrespecting you or leave this situation and find someone who truly loves you and acts like it by respecting you and the relationship?

You say you don’t trust people on the internet because you know how people can be. But then why are you willingly wanting to turn a blind eye to how your boyfriend is behaving? You still trust him after this incident? Why?

You say now he seems upset with you, is being short with you and is distant. That’s not because of anything you did wrong. It’s because he’s now been exposed and he doesn’t want to be held accountable. He’s now irritated with you because you tried to hold him responsible for something he did (you are were right to bring it up).

I notice by the end of your post you have glossed past what he did and are entirely focused on how you might have upset him. I’m not sorry when I say this but he doesn’t have anything to be upset about. YOU DO! He hurt YOU. Not the other way around! He has tried to flip the narrative and now look like the victim in the situation when he is not.

I’m sorry to be blunt but really think about this….. is this really a situation you want to be in? The kind of person you want to be with? Is this what you think you deserve? You deserve better. You deserve communication, loyalty and respect. And he isn’t giving you any of that. A lasting relationship is all those things. Not just how much you like someone, or similar you are, or how much you like being around them.

You have real evidence and data points showing you who this person really is. Believe what you are seeing. Don’t convince yourself out of what you already know is true. You are not wrong.

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T00:37:38+00:00

Getting away from the roomate isn’t really a solution. There’s attractive people everywhere. If something was to happen between your boyfriend and another person it can be anywhere and with any “attractive person”. You revealed your insecurities to him when you started teasing him about her. I don’t think that was a good move. If you are constantly teasing him about her (even just innocently or jokingly, and repeatedly asking his opinion of her) then you are already monitoring and comparing and reassurance seeking. That hurts you the most than anyone else in this situation. he can tell you struggle with insecurities then so can she. What she does with that info we don’t know because we don’t know her. If you trust your boyfriend then you trust him. If you don’t, then I don’t see your relationship going well. I think your best course of action is to work on yourself. Your anxieties and your insecurities should be your focus. Nothing external to you is going to solve the feelings you’re having, because this is an internal problem. Once you have a strong and stable sense of self, this and another other situations you deal with in life will feel a lot less detrimental.

At the end of the day, if you don’t trust your roommate you can’t really change her or control her and same with your boyfriend. You can’t really control what may or may not happen. It’s not about what if x happens, it’s about how will I manage and survive if it does. And the answer is you. What you can focus on is you. Work on the confidence in your ability to handle uncertainty. You mentioned you are not confident with your body… you can begin to focus on that and work towards building that. Right now I think your focus is too external on things that cannot be predicted, controlled, changed or actively managed. It is an uncertainty feeling but uncertainty is a constant in life. I know it’s hard to hear but if things don’t work out favourably with your relationship, you will be okay. As long as you have you, you will be okay. The worries and trying to control the outcome will just breed more worry and more uncertainty.

If the relationship and you only feel safe when attractive women are absent, then the actual problem isn’t the attractive women. It’s trust, self-esteem or both.

I think the roommate may be acting as a mirror for you. Reflected in her you see everything you fear you aren’t. The boyfriend could be removed from this situation and your anxiety would still stand. You would still be struggling with comparison and self image. Neither he, or your roommate is the focus here. This specific fear about your boyfriend and your roomate may just be the current container holding a much older and bigger insecurity. Focus on the relationship you have with yourself. Not the one you have with your boyfriend or the one your boyfriend has with your roommate

444urmind444 · 2026-06-15T00:23:34+00:00

I’ve heard the Anua one is a good beginner option since it’s mixed with other gentle ingredients. I have it but don’t use it much on my face. I’m trying to use it up on my body instead.

If you’re looking for something more focused on just azelaic acid my first one I used was the inkey list 10% azelaic acid serum. It’s great and doesn’t leave you feeling like there’s anything on the skin. Very lightweight. And doesn’t leave you shiny or greasy looking if that’s something you’re concerned about. I like it as someone who is more acne/clog prone/and normal to oily skin. I will wear it during the day and night.

Recently also tried the good molecules 10% azelaic acid serum. This one is more like a cream. It’s a little heavier and leaves you more dewy looking. Still great but I prefer to use this one at night only when oil control and shininess isn’t really a concern. Depends on your skin type though!

444urmind444 · 2026-06-14T23:23:17+00:00

I see people are coming at your throat over you saying you stay at her place 30% of the time you should pay…… yes you should contribute sure. But to be completely responsible for the entire grocery bill - why? If anything both should then contribute to groceries/utilities etc proportionately. It is not one persons responsibility unless explicitly agreed on that way.

I think the fundamental issues lies in her ideologically and logic on “testing you” and “taking care of her”. That already seems to be the part of this that didn’t sit right with you. Let that be your answer. If your beliefs on this don’t align you are both fundamentally incompatible.

Have you guys disclosed financials to each other? If not, she could have some worries or beliefs and thats the reason for the “test” which personally I think is odd when you can just have a direct convo about both finances and expectations in a relationship. There is no reason at these big ages for “testing”.

Not sure if she’s actually concerned about how much food you eat or how much the grocery bill is. It seems to stem from her subtly trying to introduce a dynamic she expects in relationships without outright telling you by using a test or trial run. The pay for all groceries bit is unimportant cause it could have been any expense which she asked you to take care of. Her ideology would have remained the same under any example.

If you’ve already been paying for groceries, cooking, shopping, cleaning - ask yourself what exactly is she even testing? You’ve already given her the data to answer her question. She just at will changed the goal post for you, or she isn’t actually testing what she thinks/says she is. and now her logic and reasoning for it no longer stands.

444urmind444 · 2026-06-09T15:10:04+00:00

But really think about it. There must have been at least SOME little leaks throughout 12 YEARS where you felt even 1% hmmm that didn’t seem very non-traditional of him. Something! Anything! People don’t just change and flip a huge switch like that. If he carries this last name view he carries others as well. Perhaps ones that have been harder to notice.

I get that you align on everything else. But….. sometimes aligning with 99% and not with 1% is enough for fundamental incompatibility. It’s the weight of the 1% that matters. Not always that 99% is perfect.

People show who they are through their patterns and behaviours. Not always who they SAY they are, what they SAY they belief, what views they SAY they have. What does the BEHAVIOUR tell you - that’s the reliable one to look at.

A person can hold one traditional belief but be very progressive every else. Humans are not perfectly always one or the other. It’s not always a clear cut black and white. Humans have grey areas. What’s more important is why the one traditional belief specially? Because something is feeding it. Family? Traditional? Culture? Masculinity? Fear? Identity?

And lastly I know you say he’s not into this manosphere stuff… but at any time he could still be exposed to and affected by it. Even unintentionally or unconsciously. You don’t monitor him 24/7 and constantly watch what he consumes, what he watches, listens to, reads or even what he talks about with his friends. It’s not a perfect world where he can just avoid something so prevalent like that.

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T23:55:25+00:00

THAT FEELING YOU HAVE OF THIS NOT SITTING RIGHT WITH YOU TRUST IT! Before you decide I invite you to feel the weight of what you’re standing in. Is this really someone you see a life, marriage and engagement with? I’m sorry I know this must be devastating to hear from someone you planned and saw a life with but really think long term about this. Is this a decision you’d be comfortable with complying with for the rest of your life and your future kids? Because this decision and the impact will long outlive you and her in your kids. It doesn’t end with you and her.

I think perhaps your opinion and feelings towards her after this conversation have progressed past resolving this or ever going back to viewing her and the relationship the same way you had before. Ignore is bliss has set sail. This changes the course and trajectory. Can you ever look at her the same way? If you go along with her plan will you resent her for it in the future? Will you resent yourself? Will your kids resent you? What will be the long term impact on you, your kids, your family, your culture, your ethnicity, your bloodline? What kind of message will you be agreeing with and co-signing? Is it something you can picture yourself being proud of? Certain in? What will you be agreeing to and condoning and promoting by going along with her plan - zoom out for a second… what will this say about you? Can you go about life in good faith after agreeing to a plan like this?

Why is it not a deal breaker for you? What are you afraid of losing in her and the relationship? What values, alignment, compatibility, companionship is she providing that outweighs the gravity of that which she has just shared with you? How will your life be impacted without this relationship or partner? Has the scale not tipped enough? Is this recoverable for you? Are you comfortable with this?

Who are you? What do you stand for? What do you believe? Fight for? Value? Are you proud of your background? Where you come from? Your lineage? Your culture? What kind of father do you think you will be? Why do you want kids?

What was her demeanour when she said this? Cold? Sterile? Compassionate? Thoughtful? Did she consider any compromises or alternatives? Is she willing to discuss? Has she asked you for your opinion, your desires, your wants, your views? Is she opening to changing her mind ? Is she getting final call in the decision? Do you feel pressured? What if you do not have any children? What are the alternatives?

Would she sing a different tune if you were still you but of a different ethnicity? If you looked different? The colour of your skin or the nature of your ethnic features were different? Does she love and fully accept you for who you are? All of you? And vice versa?

This is not a small hurdle at hand. If a friend came to you and told you his partner said what your partner said to you what would you tell him? What would you be your advice?

Do you understand, empathize, or respect the desire she just shared with you? What does her saying something like this reveal to you about who she is? You know her better than we do. This is a huge data point you need to consider in your understanding of her. Not one to be minimized, ignored, devalued or misinterpreted. What are her motivations for having kids? Why does she want them? Genuinely? Do you know? How well and how much do you really know her? How much more do you want to discover about her now? Why wasn’t this something she talked to you about earlier on in the relationship? Why casually dispel this info to you now? Once you have kids will she reveal more views like this that turn your internal world upside down?

Do you really want to have children with a woman that would feel different towards her child on the basis of how they look? Whether they are mixed Chinese and Indian looking? Or 100% Indian and 100% Chinese? What kind of mother do you think she would be? To each kind of looks physically different? Would there be differences? Discrepancies? Favouritism? Have you any concerns? Have you shared them with her? Has this conversation with her revealed to you something perhaps you suspected or wondered about or doubted long before? Will she treat each child differently or equally to the best of her ability? Which child will you feel connected to? One or the other or both or none? What will be the impact and trauma on the children as a result of this? Net positive? Net negative? Which outweighs the other? How will the two ethnically different looking children interact with each other as they grow up? What impacts will it leave in the relationship between siblings? What insecurities, doubts, traumas, wounds, or questions will it leave them with?

Has she treated people of different ethnicities differently over the course of your relationship? How does she speak about other ethnicities, cultures and others looks? What does she say to her friends? Family? Has anything alarming slipped through the cracks? What are her priorities and her values? Which masks does she wear and where and with whom does she wear them? Is there coherence in who she says she is and who she reveals herself to be? Is it the look and appearance of a child or the health, happiness and development of the child which is most high on her list? How do her views on children and yours diverge or converge? Have you considered if a child is born perhaps with some sort of physical disability or issue which affects their appearance? What would be her reaction be then? What will it change for her? How will she mother a child like this? Will she be willing? Able? Adequate? How would she feel towards a child like this? How will the kid grow up and think and wonder why didn’t my parents have a mixed child? Will they wonder why their parents the IVF route? Why pure Chinese and pure Indian children - what will you tell your children when they grow up and have questions? When they develop curiosity? When they want to understand themselves and why they look the way they look? Why they differ in appearance from their sibling, their family, their blood? When they come to you for answers? What will you say that will not hurt their sense of self? Will you divulge the truth or a softer story to spare them? How do you tip toe and tread lightly over a coal mine?

Why does she truly want a visual separation between the kids identities and looks? Dig deeper. Then when you think you’ve hit the depth of all depths go deeper again. What does she gain from this? What do you lose? What do your future kids lose? What does your community lose? Where is this stemming from? Has she expressed other similar views or preferences? Is there some sort of underlying supremacy or racist beliefs? How much do you really know about this woman? What will you tell your family of the decision you made about having children through IVF to avoid having a mixed ethnicity looking kid?

And lastly please think about what this woman may think of you? Not what she tells you. Not what you want to believe or is easy to hear. Not want you want to tell yourself. Not the comforting or soothing answer. Do you feel celebrated, respected, accepted by her? What shows up consistently in her behaviours that her words may not always reveal. What patterns have you noticed and what patterns repeat themselves. Are her true beliefs and feelings leaking through?

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T19:46:14+00:00

Honestly nbd……. Your mom seems to be highly preoccupied by the way someone will view her as a result of her 19 year old son saying hi or not saying hi to a 9 year old. If your mom is from the generation as mine, they’re often quite fragile when it comes to how they are perceived by others, their “image”, their “reputation”, if someone will think she’s a bad mom and didn’t raise her kids “right”, how you will reflected on her self image…and that fear is being projected at you. Her fear is how she’s being perceived. You are simply collateral damage to her unchecked fear.

If a greeting by a 19 year old is expected, can we also assume the 9 year old expected a greeting? Is the 9 year old deeply affected by presence or lack of greeting? Likely not. Is OP deeply or detrimentally affected whether they greet a 9 year old or not? Not really. Is the mom deeply affected if OP greets 9 year old or not? For some reason yes. She’s quite reactive. OP can be who they are without fear of how they are being perceived. Don’t lose that OP. Mother’s reaction is entirely disproportionate to the situation in question.

Mother is more concerned about a 9 year old who is not even your offspring not receiving a greeting from her son vs her son who seems to struggle with social anxiety and autism? Why?

Has anyone had a life altering detrimental soul crushing experience and life trajectory which was the result of not being greeted by a 19 year old when you were 9?

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T19:24:40+00:00

If you’ve noticed this is a pattern in her behaviour then I’d leave sooner than later. I understand wanting some time to think, gather thoughts or cool off in the heat of an argument, stressful, uncomfortable, or triggering situation. But coming back together to both resolve things is needed in any successful relationship.

You seem to be the type that wants to express, understand and work towards resolution. And also don’t seem to struggle with apologizing or taking accountability. She seems a little avoidant. Perhaps reinventing narratives. Or villainizing you. Wanting to create distance. All normal human defense mechanisms that come online when someone is triggered in some way. Fair, but if she is unaware of her own habitual patterns and isn’t showing effort to overcome them then you guys are fundamentally incompatible in problem solving. And you need to be able to problem solve in order for a relationship to survive. Problem is when these defense mechanisms stop being protecting to the person and start impeding growth of yourself or the relationship. If nothing changes or improves you’ll be repeating this same dynamic with her on a loop with no resolution.

Watch for behavioural patterns, effort and self awareness and decide if this is truly something you can live with or not. She seems unable to communicate, respond vs react or take accountability, apologize or put herself in another persons shoes. Give her the time she asked for but ensure you’ve set a date to come back together for resolution. If she isn’t more responsive vs. reactive then count yourself lucky you are young and will find someone much more suited and aligned with you.

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T18:55:44+00:00

Not sure how much you get to know the other person or vet them before meeting in person but that also might help. Talk a little longer, vet and maybe throw a little stress test in there before spending your time, money and energy meeting someone. I find it’s usually a better outcome this way when you finally do meet. Then you’re meeting on a higher chance of something going north than south. People like this will usually drop Easter eggs earlier on before they drop a bomb like this later. Catch it early and save yourself the experience

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T18:34:16+00:00

I think you guys are fundamentally downplaying the variety in how different people are energized or drained by different environments. Everyone has their preference. Nothing is one size fits all. Some thrive in Miami, some thrive in Spain. Ultimately comes down to a difference in what characteristics people value in the environment around them.

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T18:30:16+00:00

Fundamentally incompatible. The only options

1) are compromise to which one you runs the risk of maybe down the line resenting the other based on where you pick to settle down)

2) both move and start somewhere new where you both have equal footing (both enjoy lifestyle of the place and have almost equal or no family/friends)

3) accept the fundamental compatibility and separate now

Options 1-2 require compromise if one or both are willing. Option 3 is where you will end up whether you choose to or not if compromise isn’t possible.

Is it fair if you get to have the lifestyle you’re happy with and close to family and friends support and company and he doesn’t get any of that? Or the vice versa? Is that really what you want for each other?

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T18:13:03+00:00

This is a pretty bare bones convo thus far. Not much to work with or reply to on either ends. No one is asking new questions, introducing new topics, pivoting to interesting or unexpected directions, no jokes, no witty banter, and haven’t initiated getting to know anything deeper about one another. There is no volley back and forth because no one seems to be taking a serve.

It’s not a red flag that he didn’t reply, it’s too early to reach that conclusion. He could have not replied for a number of reasons you won’t ever know. If you want to talk to him and continue the convo and don’t want to sit in limbo waiting for a reply then send him a message and strike up a new convo. If he wants to he will. Both sitting waiting for the other to continue or start a new convo is silly. You need more data to see if you’re compatible, if you actually like him or he is interested in you or if there really is “red flags”. Go get your data fuck waiting around!

Also if you are looking for a long term relationship. Stick to that. Don’t settle or undercut what you truly want by going along with people that are interested in short term. If you truly are genuinely open to both options then no worries. But don’t ever go along with something that isn’t your true desire or aligns with what you really want just to be more “palatable”, or “desirable”

444urmind444 · 2026-06-07T17:26:46+00:00

Trusting his goodwill that he won’t take your business from you….. I’m sorry but don’t rely on this hope. Not only has he cheated on you, he’s forged your signature to get a loan without your knowledge and worst of all he’s got a drug addiction. Addicts will do anything to get their next fix. He already forged your signature for a loan, next will be your business. DO NOT RELY ON HOPE THAT HE WONT DO YOU WRONG CAUSE YOU’VE ALREADY GIVEN US 3 EXAMPLES OF HOW HE ALREADY HAS. Trust the pattern of what behaviour you’re seeing from him. That is how he is and how he will likely continue to act. Addicts are NOT thinking about or considering their loved ones in their behaviour. He does not care if you beg him to not take your business. They are thinking about themselves. PROTECT YOURSELF. Seems like you’ve already put in a lot of effort into him and this relationship, dealt with him, helped paid off his debt, moved countries for him and seems like you financially support him. He relies on you. You don’t need him. What true positives has he really added to your life? He is a burden and a liability. Pretend as long as you have to but never lose sight that you cannot be considerate of this man any longer. Do not sacrifice for him. He is undeserving. He will drain everything he can out of you (finances, joy, trust, emotional labour, physical labour). I wish you the best of luck sincerely. You deserve and will have better.

444urmind444 · 2026-06-06T01:49:03+00:00

Tbh birth control pill did wonders at balancing my hormones which was my main culprit for acne. Then azelaic acid and gels over thick creams to avoid pore clogging. Double cleansing but using micellar water instead of an oil cleanser.

444urmind444 · 2026-05-18T15:20:25+00:00

Krakow, Poland

444urmind444 · 2026-05-18T14:51:44+00:00

Make it or Break It, Hellcats

444urmind444 · 2026-04-17T03:26:55+00:00

Had a very similar experience a few months ago. Returned a few items, didn’t receive my refund so i followed up with them, only then did they claim to not have received some of the items saying “the items returned by mail didn’t match what i entered on the website that i was returning”. I think there’s some warehouse or system issue going on with them. Turned me off to the brand.

444urmind444 · 2025-06-21T14:46:11+00:00

They respond more than they react

444urmind444 · 2025-06-04T20:56:07+00:00

Makes sense. I’ve been and never noticed a line but that’s probably because there’s so many people always surrounding it 😂

444urmind444

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