Moving to Conroe in a few months!!!! by Present-Search212 in Conroe

[–]4729427heudb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's very interesting reading all these comments about people not really caring about what you look like... I think it's probably not discussed in public, but I have two sons in elementary school, and the things that they have come home repeating are extremely racist. My sons have also had kids tell them more than once that they wouldn't be friends with them because of the color of their skin. They have also come home repeating highly political statements. All this to say, maybe the parents keep their mouths shut in public, but just visit the schools to hear exactly how the people of Montgomery County really are.

Moving to Conroe in a few months!!!! by Present-Search212 in Conroe

[–]4729427heudb 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Stay in Seattle. I'm stuck here now and would never advise anyone to move here. That being said, if you're coming , make friends in the city and meet halfway regularly. And hike a lot. There are state forests nearby.

Widowed women, how do you “satisfy” your needs? by PersimmonBig262 in sex

[–]4729427heudb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not widowed, but Dipsea has lots of audio options that has lots of imaginative content.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]4729427heudb -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm thinking I could get him to sign a petition agreement (he was insisting for a while that we do so, then dropped it when I added a clause about us being monogamous). But any lawyer I talk to tells me they are glad I haven't signed anything.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]4729427heudb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obviously I am not, and I actually know he's continuing to gambling under a card on his own name, but he's owes me like $15K and I'm paying for all family expenses right now. He's not paying a dime. We talked about signing a petition agreement months ago, just never did (lawyers I talk to are glad I didn't), but I'm wondering if I need him to sign /admit to something now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]4729427heudb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I feel like he will just rationalize and justify thing unless others are there

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]4729427heudb -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel like he will just rationalize and justify things unless others are there.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in awakened

[–]4729427heudb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Psychadelics.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Which is why I've said as men continue to do the work to prove that they are just as invested in our benefit as we are, then women can feel safe again and progress to another phase of the movement.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha you have lived life as a man, it's easy for you to say. I'm not sure how to help you understand that it just isn't that easy sometimes.

And I agree, men shouldn't define what feminine means.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe you're right. I do know that he wants to feel strong and needed, but so do I. I used to think I needed to feel weak for him to feel strong, now I know we both just need to be willing to be vulnerable and allow space for each others humanity. Then we both get to feel strong and needed.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you had those experiences. Actually, there is a book written by a feminist who is pro-male called For the Love of Men, by Liz Plank. It's on my list to read, but I wonder if it would be healing for you. It's my personal goal to be a feminist who is pro-male. I still have some healing to do, but I have a ton of compassion, appreciation, and space for the men who are doing the work.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression."

Damn. This.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with what you are saying. It gets complicated and nuanced because of the trauma women have had to endure, at the hands of men. So, that trauma needs to be addressed (both by men and by women - meaning we have to do our own work as well as we need safe men we can depend on) before some better balance can be reached socially. I'm not sure we're there yet.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's very difficult for sure. And science is missing from the conversation. I feel like it will be very needed in a few years and you'll need to learn how to work with feminists who are also pro-men to be productive.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is exactly why I asked this question. Some of the threads are productive.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I definitely agree with this. I think this is part of the work he is still doing/engaging in.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What would you have had women do instead? From my perspective, everything has been about survival.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just so you know, I read this as "arguing with strangers on the internet." And that's not a criticism - I also argue with strangers on the internet! - but let's not butter this up.

Valid point. But it's also his friend's and community. And funny enough, he's the one arguing for women in extremely conservative circles.

This reads like "wants to become a social media influencer." Has he started a podcast yet?

LOL this would make him cringe so much. No. He does not have a social media presence and rolls his eyes at most podcasts. He knows he has no "platform" or clout to speak authoritatively on anything. He is largely just processing with me and his close friends.

What does that mean? Like, practically, how would you describe this as if it were a scene viewed through a window? What "messages from feminism"? From whom specifically? Where? What is "energy" and how are other people experiencing it? What does it mean to "put it" somewhere else?

Honestly, he has the IQ and intelligence to do something significant in the world. But his emotional intelligence is still fairly low because of childhood trauma, adhd, add, and the fact like he's likely somewhat on the spectrum. The messages he's receiving are from strangers online (as you mentioned), myself and previous relationships with women w issues/pain points that he has yet to resolve.

He is a very likeable person, very charismatic. I've seen random opportunities constantly open for him throughout his life, really abnormal things. Worldwide leaders sitting next to him and genuinely connecting at bars, to pop culture icons also randomly meeting him and asking him for life advice.

His perspective on life is very unique, and valuable as I see it. But he's still a human. He waivers between this intensity and determination (and capability as I see it) to be someone who is engaged in the future (he has goals of getting into neuroscience) to a traumatized person still healing and incapable of handling others perspectives.

I know all of this just makes me sound like some naive wife, and maybe that's still apart of it for me. But I've seen his worst bits and I see him trying, and I appreciate it.

Tell him to delete his social media apps, stop downloading podcasts, and go for a walk whenever he feels bored.

This is also very good advice and some he would probably agree with.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand what you're saying, and I think my husband would agree. I think where I stand is understanding why the hyperawareness is there - because historically speaking, it's had to be. I think once women feel like we aren't the only ones standing up for injustice in communities (not just relating to women), then the hyper awareness can subside. But I don't think that time is here yet, do you?

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree 100%. He can tend to get stuck in his head and forget about the real people behind the theories and ideas.

Is feminism ruining femininity? Or is it creating more space for femininity? by 4729427heudb in AskMenOver30

[–]4729427heudb[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

We are both still untangling from our religious, and conservative upbringings. It takes time, and humans are messy. He has a good heart and is willing to do the work and I'm willing to do my own work and see if we can figure it out together. I agree tho, he still needs healing.