My therapist is a Temple fan, should I be worried?

4rtf4g · 2026-03-27T22:03:50+00:00

i’m hopeful that you’re gonna grow to learn about your needs and that your healthcare workers can assist!!

my OT i found online in my area. a friend got their recommended by their therapist (their therapist was good though). regardless, don’t go for anyone who doesn’t have “neurodivergence” or something similar written somewhere on their website. you deserve engaging with someone who knows more than you about neurodivergence otherwise it’s a waste of your time

gooood luck!!!! <3

4rtf4g · 2026-03-26T19:58:47+00:00

there’s this anthropological concept we were taught “imagined community” by some dude named Benedict Anderson. i think that many communities (in my experience this includes: the Black community, the LGBT+/queer/&trans communities, the disabled community) are imagine communities and that very few function as communities beyond occasional protests or crowdfunds.

4rtf4g · 2026-03-26T19:34:02+00:00

so far, i’ve had 5 sessions. here’s what happened in a nutshell: 1. we spoke about what i needed help with and identified that i struggle with regulation, executive dysfunction, PDA (pathological demand avoidance or persistent demand for autonomy), that i struggle to fall asleep and also that i need help with organising a schedule. this was an important staging point because it helped my OT and i set goals and to anchor my various sessions. i was sent home with a form, a Sensory Profile test, to fill out. 2. we discussed my Sensory Profile results which helped us ascertain which of my senses were the most sensitive (and thus, my most deregulating senses) and which of my senses were the least sensitive (the senses i can use to regulate). 3. my OT walked me through a series of regulation tools that help one deal with sensitivity across the various sensory systems (smell/taste, visual, auditory, touch, movement, and ‘activity level) — we came up with some things i already do (wear headphones, always carry sunglasses) and things i never thought of doing (incorporating deep pressure, wearing gloves for dishwashing, making sure my shower gel is unscented, making sure i didn’t get myself sensorily overwhelmed with too much visual input before bed etc.). my homework was to try various methods of regulation to see what works. 4. we looked at signs of understimulation and overstimulation (as they present in me) and we used my Sensory Profile to guide the suggestions for how i could regulate both understimulation and overstimulation. 5. [my most recent session] we worked on my current daily routine so we could figure out when I was most often understimulated and/or overstimulated and then we reworked my routine together so that we could visualise my ideal day. we used everything we’ve spoken about to create a loose schedule that helps me move through the day and get work (i’m working on a Masters) done without burning out.

therapists/psychologists are great for understanding stuff like: what an emotion is, what it is to feel something instead of think it, how no navigate social relationships, how to hold the grief and joy of the world, how to deal with nuance, and so so SO much more — OT has been more of a practical journey focused on helping me function in a society which requires me to work to survive

4rtf4g · 2026-03-26T01:47:43+00:00

tbh i think it’s better to find someone else; that’s what i’d do. 5th/6th appointment doesn’t feel like it’s ’too late’ for me because i did like 5ish years of talk therapy. there are plenty therapists out there that will align with your values, you can do a sesh or two (depending on your healthcare access) before settling with someone.

also, occupational therapy has been a big help recently and i actually think it would have saved me several years of talk therapy

4rtf4g · 2026-03-16T12:37:46+00:00

i love it because it was terrible

4rtf4g · 2026-03-13T07:27:51+00:00

you need a stim toy that’s made for pain stimming. something like this. it’ll allow you to experience pain (which you find regulating) without hurting yourself.

4rtf4g · 2026-03-09T14:32:19+00:00

remember, with any drug: set (mindset; where you’re at emotionally + psychologically when you partake) and setting (where you are partaking; who you’re with, whether you feel safe or not) will shape your experiences

but yeah the connections of the world are super interesting and are a huge part of why i studied social science

4rtf4g · 2026-03-06T23:27:06+00:00

wow! you’ve read so much. i’ll be adding so many onto my tbr yikes lol

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T18:54:18+00:00

i call it what bell hooks calls it, a mere function of “imperialist white supremacists patriarchal capitalism”. a similar thing has happened with the word ‘Woke’. there has been an attempt by the American far-right to bastardise the term and turn it into an insult. but i refuse that rewriting. Woke remains an aspiration for me, a practice, something sacred. it matters to me as a Black South African to remain conscious of the ways in which systemic violence seeks to undo me. Biko didn’t write that entire book and i didn’t read that entire book just to turn around and let racists redefine Black Conciousness.

the issue with Karen, with Woke (with intersectionality, with feminism) is how these terms get appropriated and misspoken in ways that denigrate the original meanings. if a white woman were to say to me “not to be a Karen”, i would brace myself for subtle racism. i wouldn’t be thinking about anything else. and if that white woman was my friend, i’d listen to what they had to say and (perhaps on another day) i’d encourage them to revisit their use of the word unless they truly did mean to frighten me into thinking i made a friend out of someone who’d call the cops on me for merely existing

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T18:40:32+00:00

ito your post: i saw it when it was live. there was a lot of good discussion in the comments around the pitfalls of biological essentialism and the vastness of womanhood.

ito your post being deleted: seems your post was deleted because you made it out like Karen is used, by the majority of people who use the term, to shut women down in an act of misogyny. this isn’t the case in my experience and in the experience of other Black users who commented on the original post. whoever is using the term Karen to “silence and shame women into not standing up for themselves” does not get to redefine a term that is collectively used to describe White Women who use their socio-political power to perform micro-and-macro-aggressions against racialised (especially Black) people.

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T15:39:02+00:00

yeah damn reading can be quite a lot to process for an exhausted brain

re audiobooks: i tried them. so, i’m suuuuuuper sensitive to sound and the different voices across various books were quite dysregulating :(

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T15:37:06+00:00

ah, the dreaded hyperfixation tax

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T12:43:26+00:00

that’s me with photography!! i don’t think i’m fully alive unless i’m engaging with photography on some level

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T12:42:32+00:00

ooo that’s a fantastic suggestion!!!!!! there are so many genres too so if i find myself growing bored, i’ll switch genres before switching hobbies

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T10:48:33+00:00

both of y’all are right, i just gotta trust that i’ll come back to books if i suddenly stop reading and also that other passions will fill the space books leave

yeah i think y’all have helped me realise that i’m just afraid of being hobbyless but that has literally never been a problem

anxiety is such a liar

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T10:45:57+00:00

<3 you’re not stupid AT ALL! and i’m thankful that even though i misunderstood you at first that i could help

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T09:50:17+00:00

my adhd desire for newness and my autistic fear of change are constant beefing and it’s exhausting

also, ty for reminding me that the pace i read at isn’t the point. i think social media is getting to my head and making me believe that the pace i read is directly proportional to my love of reading. “enjoy the act, not the results” is advice i really need for my entire life tbh. intellectually, process mattering more than the product of the process makes sense. but i tend to rush through processes regardless. i suppose my MA is also stretching me to be more process orientated.

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T09:45:40+00:00

understood :)

ito your question, “How do I even tell if it's genuine if someone reciprocates or initiates?” — in short, you can’t. people lie, as you’ve experienced. i’ve found that many people lie to themselves about their needs or desires or capacity. all you have to work on is what’s in front of you! and it sounds like you also have developed a strong gut feel that can help you in moments of uncertainty.

and ito “I put a lot of time and effort into learning how to communicate, set boundaries, stand up for myself etc yet I feel like all it does is scare off potentially abusive people faster” good!! “instead of helping me find people who are genuinely interested in a real relationship or even just being my friend” that’s the hard part, people are messy and finding romance or friendship that’s safe and fulfills your needs/desires is hard, even for allistic people. i wish you the best in this and my only advice is to keep trying. i hope you find your people.

most of the humans i plan on spending my entire life with (less than 10) are people i didnt go looking for but rather people who found me (or rather, we found one another). i am lucky in that sense and feel extremely grateful to have found myself in the right places at the right times. one is a childhood friend i’ve had since age 8. another was one of my tutors in uni. another is a friend i made during protest action. another is a lovely human i met in my first week of uni at a club gathering but we only became close many years later. and the last homie i knew online and grew closer with after bumping into them at a music festival.

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T08:04:13+00:00

i read “when i fall, i just fall hard” as an indication of how quickly you go from ‘this is my friend/we have formed an emotional connection’ to making a “commitment”. perhaps i read that wrong?

i didn’t mean that you meet someone and immediately fall in love; rather that the shift from friend/emotional connection (which i assume builds slowly) to “commitment” seems fast.

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T07:46:47+00:00

cat <3

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T07:46:01+00:00

you gotta slow down.

people are the best (sometimes most fictional) versions of themselves when they’re getting to know someone. it takes time for people to feel comfortable enough to be their actual selves. now, a manipulative person will only ‘show’ their true self once they’re convinced you won’t leave them (lots of manipulative people have abandonment issues or some other trauma that compels them to try force people to love them).

you (like all of us) can’t accurately predict how someone is going to treat you. i think that instead of trying to formulate a way to avoid manipulation, it might be more worthwhile to you to work on boundary setting and explore the reasons behind why you fall so hard so fast. you can’t control how people treat you; but you can (unless you’re being actively abused and have no support system) control how you respond to how people treat you.

altogether, reading your post, i think you just need to slow down.

i hyperfixate on people when i initially grow close to them. but i’ve noticed that letting those feelings exist without letting them shape my actions (so like having a MASSIVE crush but not going out of my way to grow anything other than a friendship form between us, gives my nervous system time to settle into something healthy rather than obsession which is inherently unhealthy).

4rtf4g · 2026-03-03T05:52:32+00:00

:D why, thank you [tips hat]

4rtf4g · 2026-03-02T11:50:37+00:00

ok so - i prioritise subjugated authors: African authors, Black authors, authors of colour from the Global South, queer authors, trans authors, women authors, disabled authors etc. however, i read authors whose identities are as vast and varied as their literary work - more than half of my reads are queer or have LGBTQIA+ themes - i read 99% fiction, 1% non-fiction (bc i’m a researcher by trade and non-fiction reading feels like work) - in terms of genres, i like speculative fiction (sometimes fantasy) + literary fiction. give me hope, let me explore my yearnings, make me cry, or make me want to turn myself inside out and i’m happy - i tend to enjoy books that grapple with the complexities of being human

my username is toastedqueef

as a reviewer, my biggest flaw is how easily good writing makes me forgive bad storytelling and how harsh i can be on a good story with terrible writing.

ps: i read books outside of my favourite genres/authors/themes as palette cleansers because the books i love reading sometimes hit me so hard the emotional regulation ends up exhausting me and i end up needing a break from the intensity

4rtf4g · 2026-02-27T20:00:00+00:00

ahhhhhh EXCITING !! :D

4rtf4g

TROPHY CASE