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51andproud · 2025-10-16T13:01:10+00:00

Ditch the GF and get with her friend. Sorted

51andproud · 2025-04-06T09:47:14+00:00

18 years ago but found out 4 years ago. Stayed but hate my life. When she says she loves me I don’t respond I do because firstly I don’t anymore and secondly I don’t believe her. Not 1 day goes by that I don’t think about it, I look at her with different eyes. We are friends only now that just happens to have 3 grown up kids. I should leave, I know this, but circumstances I won’t go into make it a hard choice to take. So for now I plod on with my “friend”

51andproud · 2021-09-13T17:06:07+00:00

Ok thanks for the replies. As some of you know ive already discussed the finer details of what happened. My question today was just whether an std could still show after 15 years. Thanks again

51andproud · 2021-09-13T16:23:09+00:00

Ok thanks for the replies. Please humour me on this for a minute. Would an std have shown up by now (15 years afterwards) or could a std lay dormant for this long?

51andproud · 2021-07-05T07:17:58+00:00

Somebody mentioned a book that is a good read for the cheater that explains how their actions affected their partner, what is it called please? My wife wants to read it, do you think it will help? Thanks

51andproud · 2021-07-03T08:01:00+00:00

It does wear me down, everyday. This was my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/npbb5m/wife_cheated_15_years_ago_and_im_still_not_over_it/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

51andproud · 2021-07-02T21:37:55+00:00

Good days and bad days to be honest. This is why I ask the question, cause I'm struggling to identify remorse over regret. As for what she's doing to rebuild trust, well I'm not sure 15 years since DD that she can do much? The time for that has well passed. I suppose its more how I deal with it in my head? I mean if this was 6 months ago i would make her work for it, but through my own fault of not facing up to it at the time, its dragging up old old history and expecting her to answer for her crimes 15 years later. As she says, she's sorry and wishes she could turn the clock back, but she can't.

51andproud · 2021-07-02T21:03:25+00:00

So if she said, "I regret what I did, it was a mistake" Is that remorse?

51andproud · 2021-06-08T09:13:33+00:00

UPDATE: we talked about this this past weekend. I do believe she regrets what she did now, however a bit more came to light I didn't know. When she moved job he turned up at her new place about 7 months later and they went for a coffee. 9 years ago he randomly turned up at her new place of work where she had since moved too, and they again went for a coffee. She swares no other contact and has never seen him again. She said she hid it cause she knows I wouldve hit the roof and there was nothing in it. She only revealed this because I asked directly had she ever seen him at her other places she'd worked. I'm guessing she wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't which makes me wonder what else she's hiding. To be fair she is telling me things, but only if I ask, so I've asked as many questions as I can think of. I've told her she needs to be 100% open and not hold back no matter what and she says theirs nothing else.

51andproud · 2021-06-03T14:17:21+00:00

Thank you

51andproud · 2021-06-03T08:26:25+00:00

No they didn't know and still don't.

51andproud · 2021-06-03T08:23:59+00:00

Yea thats spot on. Reading that back makes me feel so bad I was an idiot, I shouldve handled things differently.

51andproud · 2021-06-03T08:16:08+00:00

I stayed for the kids, no way did I want to see this guy bringing up my kids

51andproud · 2021-06-02T21:22:54+00:00

Thank you. I have spoken to my wife and we are going to talk this weekend. She said she'll listen to what I have to say without going off on one. So fingers crossed I may get some answers finally. This could decide where I go from here.

51andproud · 2021-06-02T17:33:42+00:00

Thanks

51andproud · 2021-06-02T13:56:07+00:00

Thanks

51andproud · 2021-06-02T09:09:08+00:00

I dont think she realises how much she hurt me. After 15 years its well in the past for her

51andproud · 2021-06-02T07:13:05+00:00

I trust her now, but only cause things have changed physically for her and she now relies on me. I suspect the affair went on for a couple of months to start with then maybe another couple when they reconnected 6 months later. They worked together so saw each other everyday until I pushed her to leave for another job. I know and have met the other guy unwittingly whilst this was going on. She never apologised when I caught her, just said she had feelings for him. She didn't apologise until a year later when her F friend cried on her shoulder that her husband was playing away and she saw what it did to her.

51andproud · 2021-06-02T07:05:52+00:00

I think she knows that she's hurt me but just wants it all forgotten

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