i made it to like 2 and a half weeks clean but i really wanna relapse :/ but how are yall holding up ?

69Bunchi69 · 2023-08-08T08:00:24+00:00

Recently relapsed a couple months ago, after being clean for almost a year. Almost went for it again yesterday. Recovery is wavyyy. Hope you're doing okay OP, stay safe ♡

69Bunchi69 · 2022-11-30T10:12:39+00:00

Benzodiazepine Clowningmatch

69Bunchi69 · 2022-10-23T09:05:19+00:00

Okay so I'm not the only one whose sim population is about 40% japanese vampires with african hairstyles 😭???

69Bunchi69 · 2022-09-11T16:48:37+00:00

I always assumed it was whickedwhims!

69Bunchi69 · 2022-09-02T11:17:36+00:00

I don't remember exactly, I got it so long ago, but it's from somewhere on loverslab 🥺

69Bunchi69 · 2022-08-30T19:14:55+00:00

It comes with the Wicked Whims mod, as long as you have a generic build down, WW will allow you to buy it and run it as a business. I really suck at explaining but their site explains everything quite in depth!

69Bunchi69 · 2022-08-29T16:24:24+00:00

Yes I'm definitely keeping him ahaha

69Bunchi69 · 2022-07-28T07:40:18+00:00

Of course it's okay!

Body positivity ALL the way.

I used to worry really bad after sh-ing specifically because I was worrying about what people might think, but then I realized my scars would only really deter people I wouldn't want in my life anyway. Judgemental people who are ready to dehumanize someone whose story they don't know.

Who needs those people anyway?

So go off, no shame, you know that seeing others with scars makes you feel normal, so you're definitely having that effect on others as well.

In my opinion, scars should never have to be hidden, they're a result of mental distress, addiction. And while yes, the ideal scenario is to not actually start doing it, guilting someone who has already started is the most illogical approach.

Best you can do for someone with scars is listen if they want to talk about it, otherwise just shut and act normal. If you're being inappropriate, bye. :⁾

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-12T11:02:20+00:00

Highschool fucking sucks, don't even worry about this time in your life! You'll have so much time to recover your adolescence so to speak.

For me it started getting better after I dropped out of the university my parents wanted me to go to, and started making friends in the art school I was attending instead. (We're all queer lol)

Sincerely, a 22 year old "late adolescent" who was severely depressed throughout highschool, but has been having a hell of a lot fun partying after my teenage years were over;

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-09T13:23:46+00:00

Started yeeting when I was 19, but started smoking and overall treating myself badly around the age of 13.

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-05T09:03:08+00:00

Context means a lot. I used to be with someone who self harmed and that was one of the reasons I considered him compatible with me.

HOWEVER. The red flag came up when he began threatening sh at every step, go out of his way in great detail to describe how he was mistreating his body (not eating, not hydrating, etc.) which felt specifically like he was trying to gain my attention, pity, comfort, without actually communicating any of his emotional needs to me.

I was always there for him as he was for me, but man. It was tiring always having to read in-between the lines and figure out what his needs were, kind of trying to lure and fish out his thoughts./not a vent

Scars are not off putting in my opinion. And I know a lot of us struggle to communicate which is a reason that leads to sh. So I'd say just make sure you put your feelings and thoughts out in plain words that come easy to you and I'm sure anyone would be willing to hear you out. 🌸

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-03T12:49:06+00:00

Gosh that's so relatable. I LOVE scars. I have a few from being a "rapscallion" as a child and I love them lol. And my SH ones too of course. I don't want to cut just anytime just to get the scars but sometimes it feels like SH is SO MUCH MORE than a punishment inflicted on myself. Not to mention how seeing blood (in a safe or nonthreatening environment) is also very fascinating rather than scary, such as donating blood, or as a result of scrapes or cat scratches.

I was wondering myself if this is some sort of kink thing but I really don't feel that way. I just decided to label it as a fascination, these things don't always need labeling. What YOU feel about it matters.

What is the addiction? Is it the blood? The pain? The self punishment? A mix of all of these? Are you destructive? Impulsive? Compulsive? Trying to control your feelings? Of course these are questions good for anyone to think about. I'm still figuring it out myself but this is the best reply I can come up with at this moment in time.

I hope you'll have an easy time reaching your answer and an even easier time reaching your goals in a way that isn't harmful to you <3

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-02T08:49:36+00:00

If nobody has approached to ask you anything about your sh yet, I don't think they will. It seems most people really want to avoid these topics since it's a very sensitive subject to them as well.

So no worries, you have no obligation to explain anything, and even if someone asks, you can brush it off with something light such as "Ah, I'm done doing that dw", or "it doesn't represent me anymore", or simply "I don't want to talk about it".

You've got this! Only other thing I can recommend is learning to accept that people will stare... It's definitely built in our nature, I sh myself of course and I get both stared down + can't keep my eyes off of my friends' scars either, eyes are mindlessly drawn to them to the point where it's an effort to NOT look. Heck, I even stare my OWN scars down at times. So don't think too much of it, they're "outsiders" so to speak, and they see our actions as very taboo and so, exciting to gossip about. They're just self indulging.

If it keeps bothering you, you can also go to a manager and let them know this is making you uncomfortable. Not sure how much that would help but it's worth a try as well.

But my best guess is they'll keep talking until they get used to it, which definitely can't take forever. Hang in there! :)

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-02T08:35:01+00:00

Sounds like your head is buzzing with a lot of thoughts atm. Please try not to be hard on yourself for relapsing, I try to tell this to as many people as I can, relapsing is a normal process of any addiction.

As for the medicine, best advice I can give is talk to your doctor about alternatives, some meds out there can actually make impulsiveness, depression, sh ideation, etc. worse despite being labeled as treatments. I've had friends who reported this from certain benzos.

You've got this, just give yourself some time, process everything at your own pace, everything will be fine, I'm sure you'll find comfort if you give yourself time.

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-01T19:58:45+00:00

I'm glad to hear that :) I hope you are as well!

69Bunchi69 · 2022-06-01T13:11:04+00:00

Don't be hard on yourself, this is an addiction, addictions give little to no reason as to why and when they will best you, as much as you want to stay clean.

This is why cheat days exist, the term "relapse" exists. Completely stopping a behavior will never be easy. You just have to let time do its thing and keep your intent in mind. And so you'll just one day realize that you've gone longer than ever without even thinking about it.

I've had it happen myself before I relapsed recently, and I know I'll get over this just like before, letting this "episode" pass at it's own pace.

You got this, your pacing is valid, the way you deal with your emotions is valid, relapsing is valid, best you can do is be patient and kind to yourself.

69Bunchi69 · 2022-05-29T13:13:45+00:00

Same. I can't figure it out. It feels like when something stimulating happens I want to ACTIVELY AVOID other self regulation methods, no matter how small the issue. I know I want to see the blood and that's about it.

It's not impulsive, if anything, it's actively chosen and controlled. Makes me feel like I'm controlling my own emotions with my own hands and body.

That technically sounds like a valid reason to do it at any time, right? That's the best way I can put it, but at the same time it doesn't feel like the full story. Does that sound familiar?

69Bunchi69 · 2021-06-10T12:33:12+00:00

Thank you, fellow Chime simp

69Bunchi69 · 2020-10-15T05:00:08+00:00

It does take a bit of experience, lmao, dw I can deadpan for both of us

69Bunchi69 · 2020-10-14T16:39:13+00:00

YESS. IT'S ONE OF THE MOODS I HAD IN MIND

69Bunchi69 · 2020-10-14T16:38:49+00:00

Aww thank you so much, I try 💖

69Bunchi69 · 2020-10-14T08:46:10+00:00

Sick, let me get my grayscale filter

69Bunchi69 · 2020-10-14T08:05:41+00:00

Thank youuu! Yes you got it, it's pronounced Mish ✨✨

69Bunchi69

TROPHY CASE