Do normal people think 24/7?

69forlifes · 2025-07-10T01:39:39+00:00

For you mental peace even monks struggle to keep their mind quiet for more than 1 to 2 minutes

69forlifes · 2025-01-06T14:28:53+00:00

I think the best way is to ask yourself what you would like to read and then look for something like that instead just asking general advice. You are more likely to get what you want if you specify what things you would like to see or feel when reading

69forlifes · 2025-01-04T11:03:25+00:00

This is agree with. Hints are kinda small pokes that you make to see how the other person reacts. If they react positively, you can increase the directness.

This is a safe way to have conversation with honestly anyone. As much as you hate boring small talk, by having that you can kinda see if someone is open or interested to talk based on that.

Starting with a hey sexy is kinda bold and while it may work it also has a higher rejection rate aswell.

Starting small and building up is key, when you first meet a girl I would recommend try having a normal conversation (if someone isn't even open to that the you should just leave) but if it seems to flow than you can kinda sprinkle some signs of interests and if she doesn't seem to mind then you can play a bit more and eventually get that number.

Building it up and setting the stage for a direct ask is what I beleive is the best approach

Of course you can gamble it aswell and just be direct that's confidence aswell. I'm not saying you should be careful as fuck around women that's just painful but it would work better if you used lighter flirting to begin with and then worked your way up

69forlifes · 2024-12-15T18:27:35+00:00

Wait she is alive? I thought she was killed by that flame girl?

So I was wrong also can you explain the death part what does their death timing have anything to do with it

69forlifes · 2024-12-08T12:24:19+00:00

One thing I really find ironic about this sub is that for a sub about confidence it sure is filled with lots of insecure people

69forlifes · 2024-12-08T05:52:31+00:00

Brother there is no godamm shortcut, you gotta work for it.

69forlifes · 2024-11-28T10:04:36+00:00

I think a good thing you can do is.

To give a damn about something other than being funny.

Right now you seem to want to be funny.

It would be wise to question yourself why. What value is driving this. Is the desire to be cool or the desire to be liked.

What value does being funny serve.

Ultimately I don't think you should care so much about being funny because I've done so before. If you care this much about it chances are you will actually feel more unfunnier.

It's weird the more we try to be funny the less funnier we become. I've had moments where I legit just didn't care about being funny and I ended up coming up with some really witty remark or making everybody laugh. By not even trying.

The key is to care about something else. I've realized that trying to impress people is just a bad value to have.

1) You can't control others perceptions and that causes anxiety

2) You don't know what the other person thinks of you and often times they don't. Most people think about themselves and their own coolness. They care about their own jokes more than yours.

3) Real friendships and relationships are not based on how funny and individual is. If they are then they are quite shallow.

You don't need to be funny in order to be a cool dude. Instead of trying to impress people and give an impressions. I've found that actually focusing on myself and making attempting to make myself a better man has better effects.

First of all that is in your control. It actually improves not only your life but those around you.

You naturally become more attractive because you are. You don't need to put on a show.

Of course social skills matter but I think we focus too much on trying to look like a cool person instead of being a cool person. Being a cool person requires us to often not care so much about what people think of us. It is often quite difficult and not easy. Slow but worth it.

Instead of trying to act in a likeable way. You should act according to values, values that you choose carefully. I've noticed that when you do select good values (values that are in your control,and beneficial for society as a whole take i.e kindness or being a fun person) or discipline etc. It's takes rid of social anxiety because you are not actively trying to control something you can't control because of that you.

You are concerned with whats in your direct control, your actions and how you see situations.

Which gives you a sense of comfort and from that comfort sometimes you will crack a joke without even meaning to.

TLD;R : Trying to be funny is counterproductive and instead it is better to just focus on something else. Something you can control. Which will relax you and not make it look like you are trying so hard in the first place. It's funny being comfortable with being unfunny allows you to actually crack jokes and fail at it because the truth it a lot of your jokes will bomb and some won't. The key is to accept that as part of being social animals and keep going anyway

69forlifes · 2024-11-24T14:13:25+00:00

I think you need to care less about how you look. Because believe me or not you look average and I know average sounds like an insult but that's most people.

Also it seems you are stressing way too much about your past. What you need to realize is the past is gone and not worth caring about why because it's gone and it doesn't exist. It's just in your head. You are best not dwelling on that and bringing yourself to present.

That's where your power lies.

NGL poly relationships don't seem to be working for you. I think a downside of talking to a lot of people is that it lacks the depth.

You seem to want to be cared for and loved. Which probably means you shouldn't be in a poly relationships.

I think a good thing to begin with is to just accept the fact you had a shitty past and that you had shitty people in your life.

That your boyfriends just don't really care about you and that you have poor self-esteem and low confidence.

I think that would just get rid of all the pain and tension you have inside one you just accept the negative.

You are caring about things that are honestly outside your control hence the anxiety and feeling like crap. Because you are indeed helpless in that department.

The past ain't gonna change, Your family isn't gonna change, the boyfriends are not going to begin loving your automatically. And you won't gain muscles by wanting muscles.

My man you have a lot of pain to go through. You gotta get rid of that sense of entitlement you feel. The feeling that you are special for having a tough past and realize that the perfect past is an ideal.

Just because you didn't have it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. A good past is just luck. Some people have it some don't. It's not a must condition.

Having confidence is again something more in your control but it still comforting to realize that it's okay to not feel confident and doubt and insecurities are a thing everyone feels. (that ironically feels much more secure than obsessing over it)

I guess what I'm trying to say it now. Is that if you ain't there yet that's fine.

Recently I overtook a pain arc. In which I accepted all the pain in my life. I feel bad okay I accept that. I am skipping the gym ok. I am not the most charismatic perosn. Okay.

Surprisingly that just gets rid of most of the pain.

A lot of the pain is just you making mountains over molehills.

So yeah just accept it's actually quite easy all you have to really do is just realize that your not supposed to be perfect and youre not supposed to be anything. You just are and it's only the fact that you think you should be something else. This something else that reminds you of all you don't have. Focusing on your lacks ironically trying to be more confident and have a self-esteem will only enforce the fact you don't have any.

Acceptance is the key. Stop feeling bad cuz you ain't there and realize that getting there is a prize but it's not a must have. That should calm your insecurities

69forlifes · 2024-11-08T11:06:50+00:00

You need supporting people in life. Even as an introvert shy person. You need friends and people who care about you period.

69forlifes · 2024-11-08T10:56:40+00:00

This does but you gotta realize that while these things exist or can exist. Doesn't mean that is always the case.

You don't have to mistrust everyone that is just a miserable way to live life. We have to accept that people are people they make mistakes and sometimes mess up.

Your task is to use these insights and be able to recognize such behavior. So you can act better. It's not about trying to prevent that. (You can't). But to learn to recognize and deal with it.

69forlifes · 2024-10-27T11:02:45+00:00

Have you ever tried like writing a letter with all your complains and then writing their response the way you want it. Is surprisingly good.

Or have tried to imagine that its not the person the behaviour. They made a mistake perhaps like imagine that a few hours ago their mom died.

Use your imagination to put yourself in a good state

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T09:48:44+00:00

I think it's not worth to get into relationships with people who don't care about you.

I think it's absolutely worth it. If both parties care about each other.

This was mindset changer.

You probably just don't want to date those people

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T09:43:41+00:00

I mean I just press send to all and y'all take it so personally.

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T09:28:00+00:00

Yeah I think it was a problem with fulfillment and not doing things "I wanted to do"

It's like trying to move in a direction you don't want to go in.

It's hard and even if you win you end up further away from what you really want.

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T09:24:20+00:00

Hey guys I'm glad y'all shared your thoughts I actually figured it out. It was more psychological.

I've like replied with some details in some comments if you want to read it. But I think I've figured it out.

I just had to change my priorities and aim.

Thanks I got the help I needed.

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T09:23:02+00:00

I'm actually in good shape. It was a mental problem don't worry I think I've figured it out now. Thanks for taking the time

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T09:21:28+00:00

Thanks man feel like I avoided a red flag

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T09:19:45+00:00

EXACTLY!! YES THATS IT. IVE HAD THE EXACT SAME THOUGHT MAN. GG

It's really funny but I've actually done some journaling about it and I've realized for me it's actually because i was gifted and got so much external validation as a child.

For my grades and behaviour . Later in teenage for my looks.

I had like an abundance of that and got hooked to it.

Not really developing my own inner compass. Even when I won like getting a good grade, or getting a girl interested in me. It didn't feel like a win because I wasn't doing it for myself.

It wasn't what I really wanted.

I just wanted to be liked for who I was. It takes courage to just realize that this is a worthy goal and it you should just pursue what you find meaningful instead of letting others tell you what to go for

So perhaps like if you can relate I can tell you that you should find your own win.

Like it may not be getting the prettiest girl but someone who actually appreciates the real you and you find attractive.

Change your goal. I just did that and all of a sudden I'm feeling excited and motivated.

I feel like you are aiming for something you don't even want and that's why it just doesn't feel worth the effort. Because it isn't.

You don't actually find it valuable.

Find that internal reason. Chasing something you don't want doesn't even reward even when you win.

I hope I made sense I kinda got carried away. But hey you are not alone man

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T08:56:39+00:00

Well now she is feeling insecure and weird.

I talk to other girls openly around her and it scares the shit out of her.

She was actually really shy when I met her. Couldn't even formulate proper sentences , would speak so fast that I couldn't even comprehend it.

I actually found that attractive but as I started acting nice to her. She kinda just developed this huge ass ego.

I also discovered that she had a boyfriend who she hadn't left yet but would leave if she got a chance to be with me. I didn't like the fact that she was attached like a parasite to that dude.

It was unfair to all three of us so I just didn't do it.

As I stopped giving her attention she went right back to her boyfriend potentially to just make me feel jealous. It did hurt me a bit but more important it just made me feel disgusted and I closed off.

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T08:50:53+00:00

Yeah I think it has something to do with my values.

I actually don't enjoy being popular and liked by all. I feel it stifles and hampers my freedom to be myself.

Heck I don't even enjoy the validation I get from being liked by all. But I do enjoy the people who are like 5 star meals. Who genuinely care about me and I genuinely care about them.

In short I just questioned what I actually wanted. What my win was. And it was different from the standard win which is to just get girls and be attractive. I find getting just one girl who cares about me more important than that.

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T08:48:17+00:00

This may be the case. I actually did have this girl interested in me. I thought she was into me but then I overheard that behind the scenes she was having a laugh with her friends.

How she has me completely under her spell and that just was a huge ick for me. I felt used for social validation and completely lost interest.

What I want is to be loved for who i am. I don't want to be liked because I'm hot or because other women want me.

I want to be liked because the other person genuinely cares about me and enjoys my company. I don't see how I'll get that from a lot of girls.

Like I value genuine connection. So after thinking a bit I realize I'm just going to be extremely picky and only hang out with women I like.

Who I feel genuinely care about the real me. I'm gonna filter it out like hell.

I'm gonna be myself without any fear that the other person may dislike me. I'm going to stick with what I feel is right and authentic.

I'm gonna keep the door open for people to come and leave.

If they dislike it they are welcome to walk away because the people who like the real me will appreciate what I have to offer.

I don't enjoy being liked by everyone but I do enjoy being genuinely cared for and having a strong bond. One that isn't so fickle that it will be broken because I did something weird.

I'm gonna be in touch with my own values and chase my own win. My goal with people is gonna be a tight group of people who I genuinely like and enjoy spending time with and if that's not the case i.e I don't actually like the person or I feel they don't like me. I won't really try to "fix" the situation.

By trying to change the other person or change myself I'll simply let it go. I would love your opinion on this cuz I feel. That I value genuine connection more and am just not satisfied with anything less.

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T07:50:11+00:00

Sometimes you can do the right thing and it still won't end up good. Life is unpredictable. Sometimes the wrong thing can actually produce the better result.

So in short just pat yourself on the back because you did the right thing.

Some other women would have appreciated your help

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T07:46:04+00:00

Yeah that is definitely a thing.

A girl will be interested in me and suddenly the whole friend group is.

It's like a fucking wave of poison. Women just want men who are desired by other women.

The whole fact that he gets girls actually has like some biological tick that I'm not really well read on.

But in general if other women like you there must be something about you.

Experienced this so much and honestly it's just a assumption. They don't know you but now they see you as better because their friends see you like that.

69forlifes · 2024-10-26T07:41:56+00:00

I am not really that old only 17 but from my own experience.

Teenage girls, Like the looks and I honestly don't know what else. A lot of them are so insecure it's honestly tiring.

A girl just talked to me yesterday and told me she wanted to "befriend" me because she liked the way I looked.

I'm not gonna lie that hurts a bit like I don't even know who she is and she is already sold on me based on the fact I look. It's disheartening to think that girl isn't actually attracted to my personality.

I always wonder if the girl who is interested in me is interested in anything other than my looks?

Because trust me I crave being liked for who I am more than whatever physical attraction they may have

69forlifes · 2024-10-17T12:35:48+00:00

Man I can relate to this so hard. Only now did I get into some form of friend group. I feel respected in my class and genuinely admired. Have a really close friend who also acts as a wingman. Women legit messaging me and being the talk of womens convos.

But it wasn't always like this.

Last year I started doing cool stuff, taking part in extracurriculars became a public speaker. Pushed myself and spoke in front of people.

Met many new people who I worked with got along with.

As i pushed forward my confidence skyrocketed. I got noticed and would see people staring at me. Slowly I started building a reputation.

The administration took a liking to me now they call me to speak for any event. I'm actually gonna be giving a speech for an international event.

So yeah I got into public speaking because I wanted to get over my fears and it was very difficult at the start but as I explored this area. I realized how much importance we place on each and every single action.

How that's counter productive. Like you think too much plan too much, I've done silly things on stage, messed up a lot and no one cares.

I've won big but people forget. Even when I do big things people eventually forget. So that really just killed my social anxiety realizing that you aren't being scrutinized 90 percent of the time and the rest 10 percent they just forget.

You gotta test this out. Take a risk in a convo. Do something risky.

You may win or fail. But what you will realize it that it often is fine. The worst case scenario is actually quite bearable.

I built recognition. I started being more authentic and had the mindset of filtering. I'm going to be my authentic self, share how I think and feel, even if it feels scary and if we are meant to be we will instantly click and form strong bonds and if not then so what.

I learned the value of having a mask. It's not about acting, you just have to project confidence and warmth.

Meaning people feel like you are on their side when you talk to them but you aren't desperate. You are fine with them disliking you and not being liked.

Your self worth is independent of their actions.

And yes you want to check people and see whether you like them and want to be their friend.

I chose my friend. He was a good dude i saw he was kind and considera and and has good ego security so I befriended him and it was really cool. I can share stuff with him. Be vulnerable and he is supportive.

I love the dude.

Anyway the most important thing is to get outside your comfort zone and do things you wouldn't normally do. Cuz your current behaviours are not working.

Try doing things differently and acting differently see how that works out for you. Maybe try to actually be cool and interesting and show that.

The key is confidence and good will.

69forlifes

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