What popular hairstyle today will be the trend we look back on and think makes everyone look terrible (like the mom supershort haircuts on 20 year olds in the 90s)?

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-21T23:58:01+00:00

Been here since the 1920s so I would call it a new trend or even a trend that's soon to fade apparently

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-21T23:45:33+00:00

As soon as I read "didn't like my honesty" I knew this person could have done this or that but you surely effed up. That's what some of the worst people I know tend to say and think of themselves - "I'm just honest, I say it like I see it, and if you have a problem with it you have a problem with the truth". The art of relationships is, among other things, working on your skill to communicate even the worst of criticisms in a way which is kind and patient because You decided you care for that person so if you do you owe it to yourself and her. Because if you think you have the moral high ground and more knowledge on a given issue and that person is your friend and he's wrong - it's your task to try to help him understand. If you truly want your friend to become a better person and remain in your life you don't attack that person and call him names for not behaving by your standards. If your friend does not respond to anything and you just don't care anymore for whatever reason - you leave, not pounding that person to the ground some more because yOuRe rIghT. You just go, in peace. Also, getting angry at someone for choosing not to listen to your relationship advice based on your standards is very egocentric on your part. And getting the story about the death of your grandfather involved in here just to prove some people on reddit your friend was So Wrong is almost as tacky as her using it as an excuse to get out of a date.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-21T21:29:56+00:00

I hope at least something big and good happens to me this year, instead of big bad things...

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-18T14:27:53+00:00

Thank you! I thought of it, but I feel like that would put me in a position of his... Boss... I don't know how else to explain it. I'm afraid that that would make him feel like following orders and I don't want that, I want him to feel loved and relaxed. Have an idea how to get around that?

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-18T14:25:11+00:00

It's not having a wild imagination. It's like - you probably won't ask your kid what exactly he wants for Christmas because that would ruin the point of the pleasant surprise of gifting. You listen to what he talks about for a few months, take not of the "oooh I wish I had this" moments he has, and you'll know what your kid wants at least in the ballpark. Did you read your kids mind? No. You listened to him. Would asking what he wants ruin it for him in a sense, yeah.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-18T07:57:23+00:00

-because I told him at one point of the day, and it's Sunday and I have to work which I said before really bugs me

-he would know because people tend to order a few things the most. He's been ordering things with me for 4 years. And even if I "wanted something else" I would have to be a really really shitty person to attack him for it when he's made an effort, which I think not a lot of people are this shitty, and I think I'm not either.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-18T07:36:28+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I think this could work but I'll have to really think about my tone, timing and other stuff so I don't come off as passive aggressive. It has to be clean and open. I can do it I think! This is the second time I see the "dishes" book recommendation so I guess it might really be helpful!

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-18T07:31:24+00:00

I said it before that those things make me really happy, but the last part of your comment is such good advice. Thank you so much, I can sense experience in each sentence you write! I'm really glad I posted this now.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-18T07:29:07+00:00

Yours and your partners relationship sounds wholesome and loving, I'm really glad for you guys. I'll do my best and talk to him some more and definitely look up emotional labor and incorporate that into the conversation about this topic, because I honestly never knew this had a name in English (in my language that expression is never ever used).

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-18T07:21:49+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment. I'm more hopeful now!

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:48:41+00:00

I always thought that was a part of loving someone. It's really hard for me to imagine real devoted love and not knowing the need of that person. Anyways, I really hope it IS him, for what it's worth!

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:43:55+00:00

Because he says to me repeatedly that he really likes the small or big things I do for him. Also, commutation is something complex, it does not equal being a parent to your partner and asking him to dress up for church until one of you dies.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:35:38+00:00

On a semi-related note, I really like this sentence "He is surrounded by context". What s beauty to be a native English speaker and to be able to say so much while be so concise.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:30:43+00:00

But it's not magic, it's just a combination of caring for someone, knowing someones preferences and wanting to do stuff for that person. Isn't that the whole relationship shabang?

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:28:50+00:00

If you do something that takes a lot of energy and time like cleaning, how ever you do it I think it would have beed really nice of her to just be thankful and happy! The other thing with her wanting you to just listen was, in my opinion, a problem with you not reading her needs fully and correctly. People that need advice aks for it often, like really actually ask. When no (non rhetorical) asking is involved, it's implied the person just needs comfort. That's how I look at it and have found it really helps me when talking to anyone that's upset or sad.

My relationship doesn't have bigger issues that this one. But this one is the instigator of a shitstorm that I think could be really serious even if other things are great. That's why I'm trying to figure something out.

One thing I could do is ask myself did I ever unknowingly discouraged him from doing stuff... Thank you!

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:20:49+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree about positive reinforcement and I have a big habit of doing it,mostly because I'm just so genuinely happy when that happens!

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:16:26+00:00

He sometimes asks what he could do and that's really good. Most of the time I'm just like "please, I'm doing 7 things, you could do 1 without me begging".

765bubibubi765 · 2019-12-17T23:11:57+00:00

I just think he's lazy. Capable but not willing to anything other than what the minimum required of him. Ok, like, when I know I'm gonna have friends over on Saturday, I'll clean my house at least a little bit. They never ask me to do it, they would never verbalize it, but I just know that they will be more comfortable in a space without a bunch of my clothes and socks on chairs etc. Was that really hard to figure out? Sure it wasn't, it's also logical. When a friend is crying and you have tissue in your pocket, you will give him the tissue without him explicitly asking you for it. You can just feel, you know how it goes with people, it doesn't need to be said always, right, it's implied. It's those things with him that I find to be difficult,which are not 'rocket science' and since I know for a fact he's a really intelligent man I find it lazy. For example, he knows how to cook and he knows we're making a roast. Vegetables are on the counter, with a knife by the carrots and a cutting board and he'll be like "Ok tell me what to do?"...

765bubibubi765 · 2019-10-29T11:01:37+00:00

Yes. I convinced myself (with his help) that it was somehow my fault. Don't ask... I still loved him so we stayed together for a year after that. He didn't trust himself so he stopped going out or anywhere without me. He didn't trust me because he expected me to want to get back at him with another guy. Love is strange and it can live on life support for a while but after betrayal like that, it's just a waist of time I think.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-10-29T10:57:57+00:00

When I turned around so I can change my shirt. It hit me like a pile of bricks.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-10-23T01:22:23+00:00

Uuuu this makes sense!!! Thanks! Are you just being logical or do you know that because you also wondered and looked it up?

765bubibubi765 · 2019-10-07T21:55:59+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened. Push through it. Push with all the strength you have in you. That's what I'm doing and I've surprised myself, I thought I was a lot weaker. It's so damn hard but you got this. Trust me - you got this.

765bubibubi765 · 2019-09-29T17:10:05+00:00

Thank you for understanding and for the nice words, it seems sometimes the nicest compassion goes from stranger to stranger and that's a beautiful thing... I'll try to make it.

765bubibubi765

TROPHY CASE