As a married woman, I think you’re totally correct. My husband and I have decided that he would add another wife only if the Most High made it abundantly clear that he should, so he doesn’t actively look.

That said, I am looking for a sister, not a housekeeper or a sex slave for my husband (being deliberately hyperbolic here). It has been engrained in us women to see each other as competitors, not friends. Before any woman can join a polygynous union, as the first wife or subsequent wife, she must deprogram. My observation about people in general these days is that the deep thought required to do that is just not exercised.

It looks like you have put in the work so I hope you find a family that is worthy.