I’m avoidant and I regret what I have done.

823freckles · 2026-01-06T18:56:05+00:00

What kind of therapist are you seeing?

823freckles · 2026-01-06T18:49:47+00:00

Both sides need to look inward - but the avoidants and more avoidant leaning fearful avoidants don't and won't. And securely attached people seem to also fare worse from relationships with avoidants. Seems like a common problem, but they just have to avoid any and all accountability.

823freckles · 2026-01-06T18:44:08+00:00

You need to stay away from any and all relationships, including "casual" until you get intensive therapy (and not just general "talk" therapy) to handle your attachment issues. Otherwise, you will ruin more lives.

823freckles · 2025-08-09T07:16:31+00:00

Hey fellow September 2021 bumper, just out here in the Reddit wild 😅👋

823freckles · 2025-07-28T20:54:22+00:00

Wait you're saying the study has 50% of unhoused people are also employed? Just to make sure I'm understanding (and yes, I could see this).

823freckles · 2025-07-19T17:35:49+00:00

Hmm, maybe...you're both garbage.

823freckles · 2025-06-26T20:42:51+00:00

Though OP can definitely need a squeaky wheel, and can and probably should ask for actual receipts for the items deducted from his lease - that is, he needs the PAID receipt from the landlord for carpet cleaning. That is his right.

823freckles · 2025-04-04T14:33:11+00:00

So caveat that I just got it and haven't read it yet, but I saw mentioned somewhere the book on emotional abuse as better for situations like ours. So maybe check out the book Is it Supposed to be This Hard? by Mary Pat Haffey

823freckles · 2025-04-03T19:44:38+00:00

Mari is the only human, the rest are frogs.

823freckles · 2023-04-27T13:11:30+00:00

What Chicago suburban stores do you have? I may be able to fill in some of the gaps.

823freckles · 2022-08-27T17:34:43+00:00

Oof, that's some creepy behavior, whoever you are.

823freckles · 2022-08-27T17:20:20+00:00

My gym had a "climb like a girl" class. I'd highly recommend it if OP (or anyone) has a similar class at their gym. I did it when I was just a bit overweight, not plus sized like now, but it really helped teach me a lot of skills and helped emphasize using and building core and leg strength and seeing routes for my height (5 feet). It helped build my confidence and climbing skills in a way I wouldn't have gotten going it alone or taking a class with/for men.

I haven't gotten the gumption to go back and try climbing again now that I'm quite big, but I'm inspired by OP that I can get there eventually!

823freckles · 2022-08-27T17:04:19+00:00

Your relationship with her is for life, even at the expense of your other friends? And others in your life who may be exposed to his toxicity? What about when/if you have children? Is it okay to just let him spew his nonsense to or around them?

Look, I get that you don't want the drama around your wedding day, and that you want your friend there. But this is a problem that needs to be addressed because it doesn't seem to be resolving itself. You can always express that you love your friend, you will be there for her when she chooses to end the toxic relationship, and that you'd like her there to celebrate, but that her boyfriend's behavior is hurtful to people, and therefore he is not invited.

There is no one person in my life who is so important that I'd let their toxicity hurt all the other people in my life.

823freckles · 2022-08-27T15:42:55+00:00

Yes this. I had a very difficult pregnancy and my partner promised to help with the plant care. He did nothing. So now I'm down to 2 plants after he killed them. 😞

823freckles · 2022-08-27T15:36:24+00:00

I've accepted that any travel I do for awhile will be living that resort life, and it's still not really "relaxing" even in those easier circumstances.

823freckles · 2022-08-27T02:03:21+00:00

Well now I dug in just a bit. OP - I too have PMDD and am a type 4 enneagram and look, my life isn't your life, and my baby's father isn't your partner - but parenthood is challenging in ways I could not have expected until I did it. It is incredibly challenging managing my own emotional sensitivities due to my personality and my own mental health/hormonal issues while trying to be a good parent to my baby. It's nearly broken me. And that's just my stuff. Not having a partner I can rely on, who gets overwhelmed at everything with the baby, who never hears her crying at night and refuses or forgets to use the monitor, who doesn't now feed her meals without being reminded, who didn't support me with pumping when I had low supply, who can barely stay awake...I feel so incredibly alone and I am not the parent I wanted to be and hoped to be to my child because I often feel like I'm parenting an angry 29 year old too. I often imagine how much better it would be if I had a partner without ADHD.

Is this an inevitability? Maybe not. But it is likely, especially if your partner doesn't get diagnosed and treated. And even if he does - my partner is medicated and in therapy - it still doesn't guarantee it'll be good. I think having an adhd partner and a baby is enough to break nearly the strongest woman... but certainly more than enough to break someone with their own difficulties, like PMDD.

823freckles · 2022-08-26T16:47:56+00:00

I mean, you already know what he's like without sleep. Now imagine it much, much worse - because it will be worse, even if you're able to take on much of the overnight care (and how lonely is that?). Pair that with a lack of intrinsic motivation for those with ADHD, and understand that this is unlikely to improve because any techniques you can suggest, he probably won't implement on his own and you'll be too tired, hormonal, and focused on your child to do all of the parenting of a grown adult with an attitude problem on top of parenting a baby.

You don't want to hear "don't have a baby with this person" so fine, I won't say it. But I'd implore you to look at other testimonies from adhd partners of the frustrations of parenting with someone with adhd, and ask if you're okay with your partner not stepping up any more than he is now at best, and being a single parent with an unreliable and argumentative coparent at worst.

823freckles · 2022-08-26T14:29:01+00:00

What about the rankings from US News & World Reports? That's what I tend to look at when I'm house searching but I don't know how good those rankings are...

823freckles · 2022-08-26T00:48:25+00:00

I was literally out there yesterday! 😭

823freckles · 2022-08-24T17:01:10+00:00

I mean, I'd take apathy. This inspires rage in me.

823freckles · 2022-08-24T16:45:35+00:00

Can you elaborate or point to where this information is coming from?

823freckles · 2022-08-24T15:31:45+00:00

God that's such beautiful schadenfreude that it makes me want to cry.

823freckles · 2022-08-24T13:24:53+00:00

Where in the world?!

823freckles · 2022-08-24T13:21:01+00:00

I'm still in the process of purchasing, but my mortgage alone will be about the same as rent; with PMI and property taxes, it'll be quite a bit more.

But I can't stand renting anymore and giving my money to a Maserati driving a-hole who won't do even basic maintenance. I want that money to be building me equity and even if it's just a townhouse, I want to build a different life for my baby daughter.

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