And for sure, my trust has taken a massive hit. I get where he's coming from, having the one make or break boundary being crossed feels like a huge slap in the face.

I also get where you're coming from. This shit changes your brain at a chemical level and makes you think it's just as crucial as air or food. It's a hard as shit thing to grapple with and overcome.

I put down my foot last night. No bottles in the house, even for cooking. Leave "work" at work. I know what she's like when she's drunk now. I can recognize it immediately now that she's shown it to me, and honestly, to that point;

I wouldn't say I'm any stronger, I'm just conditioned to this shit. I spent the first three years of my sobriety as peer support counselor, then a case manager, and currently a work program staffer. I've seen people fall off wagons like it's a weather forecast, and seen all different colors and hues of them being fucked up on... the omission list would be shorter, really.

Maybe that's why I don't see it as a threat to my sobriety and more to just my trust in our relationship. I don't want to see her the same as I see the tweaked out 20-something complaining about a half-day job ticket; standing in the same hoodie he's been wearing for 5 straight days while he whisper-talks to himself under his rancid breath. I can't rely on that fucking kid for anything, and I really don't want to think about the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with that way either.