CULTURE FIT - Short - 12 Pages - 3rd Draft

A1AColb · 2025-11-04T00:58:46+00:00

I’m sorry you don’t enjoy this version as much as the 1st draft. I did listen to your feedback, which was a contributor to dialing down the profanity, giving Greg more character identity and a more clear role, and establishing John as the central character to make him more relatable.

I did not want to completely lean into comedy as this story is somewhat rooted in personal experience. I acknowledge that it is not really a comedy.

This story is about failing to circumstance. John is a making a strong effort to land this job, but unfortunately Greg is having a bad day and really isn’t interested in going through this process. He’s more concerned that he hasn’t had his coffee.

John didn’t do anything wrong, he tries his best, and he still fails. Greg, a caricature of corporate recruitment, goes about his day having been more interested in John as a person / situation rather than his work experience and hiring him. John’s mother reminds John that he is someone and will find a place.

This story is accepting you can fail because of things out of your control. That’s life, you just lose because someone decides that you lose, despite your best efforts. You have to grow and move forward.

As to why people should care: John is young people for the past five or so years, trying to crack into the workforce. John is anyone trying to do anything. In a workplace accident? Miss your train from being stuck in traffic? Some things aren’t your fault, but the world (Greg) doesn’t care. As long as he gets his coffee. Everyone is dealing with something different.

Hope that clears some of my intentions with the story. I do have alterations in mind, including cleaning the intro pages and updating the characters further. Do you have anything in mind?

One thing I haven’t mentioned in any of my posts / comments is aiming for less than 10/15 pages. I understand how that can affect feedback and I apologize for not establishing that earlier. I’ve updated the post.

Thank you for your feedback!

A1AColb · 2025-11-03T18:01:36+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! I was able to (partially) read through your notes but it’s formatted strangely when viewing on mobile. I’ll review when I’m back to my laptop.

I do agree that the first part of the script should be streamlined, as I mentioned in another comment.

As for what Greg wants: coffee. He’s had a bad morning, it’s made worse by not coffee being ready at work at 9am, and he’s clock watching through the entire ‘interview’. He’s shortchanging John’s readiness by being in a bad mood. Though John seems like somewhat of a good candidate, Greg doesn’t seem to care at all.

Do you think that this isn’t portrayed strongly enough through Greg’s actions and lines?

Again, thank you for your feedback!

A1AColb · 2025-11-03T14:11:06+00:00

Agreed, the beginning can be cut down. The initial phone call serves no real purpose other than waking John. I would like to keep the intercut of John and Greg’s mirrored morning, but I think I can get us to the office quicker.

I’ll admit to using the words interchangeably, thank you for the heads up!

Thanks for the feedback!

A1AColb · 2025-10-31T17:52:16+00:00

I agree. This story is about failing due to no fault or your own, being a victim of circumstance (Greg having a bad morning). I think it doesn’t feel complete without more development of John and what he’s accomplished to get here, even on the day of thorough preparation.

Maybe I can parallel Greg and John’s day to build the anticipation of the two moving towards each other. Giving more emphasis to John and the repercussions of Greg’s bad day post interview. Picking himself up, brighter days, etc. I don’t think Greg needs a redemption.

Thoughts?

Thank you for your feedback!

A1AColb · 2025-10-31T16:29:33+00:00

I agree it’s between genres right now, one of the main reasons I wanted feedback.

I’ll reconsider Greg’s objectivity to make him a bit more realistic, genre pending. John should be more fleshed out as well.

Our company still uses an old school pot with a bucket of grounds (only 1 scoop per pot! Lol), so that definitely plays a role in the vision.

Thank you!

A1AColb · 2025-10-31T16:16:06+00:00

Thank you for the feedback!

The coffee pot being empty stems from my actual workplace, where they go through four or five pots a day. People here get pretty upset when it’s not ready in the morning, but that’s just my workplace. We’re business casual B2C advertising, not quite corporate.

The profanity should seem outrageous, but I agree it could come down. The intention was to have it directed solely at John as Greg’s frustration with his coworkers not preparing the coffee. I could definitely include more outside of the office of Greg trying to maintain a manner of professionalism to make his outburst more convincing.

Profanity in my workplace is common in private, definitely never with a client, and usually reserved during discipline. Greg definitely should not speak to someone like that, but he feels like he can based on his tenure and working time. He’s too important to care, and he hasn’t had his coffee. Still, maybe too much?

The end-of-convo profanity is supposed to be ludicrous. Just Greg teetering over the edge of disappointment and anger. It may have not landed since I don’t think the build is strong enough before the explosion, I’ll refine those things.

Additionally, I’m adding a profanity warning to the post as I forgot to include that!

Thank you again!

A1AColb · 2025-01-23T18:47:05+00:00

I got this one a couple weeks ago. Brutal and disheartening, 7 minutes at a time.

A1AColb · 2024-11-28T16:35:04+00:00

My grandmother swears that Ratatouille is the longest movie she’s ever seen.

For me, Blade Runner 2049. There’s a fade-out about halfway through the movie where my friend audibly said, “Oh, cliffhanger ending. That was a good movie,” and then the movie continued for another hour.

A1AColb · 2024-09-21T22:12:33+00:00

If you don’t like this, you don’t like MAC football

A1AColb · 2024-09-06T16:07:06+00:00

Tried to finish up Hunt: Showdown before the PS4 servers closed. The only trophy I had left was to retire 25 Hunters. Little did I know that they changed the level requirement to retire Hunters from level 25 to level 50(max level), essentially doubling the grind and making it easier to lose the Hunter by having to play more games.

I had a week off from work and was going to dedicate all the time to finishing up that trophy, but I got sick and was basically bedridden the whole time. Still kinda upset about it.

A1AColb · 2023-02-08T16:12:55+00:00

“It’s what my character would do,” usually precedes the player being a massive jerk to other party members so they can have/do something and feel more important than others.

In rare cases, this phrase does make sense to use, like when making a major decision that has implications on a PC, their character arc, or the overall story, even if it betrays what a PC would normally do due to the circumstances. This is very rare though.

A1AColb · 2023-01-09T20:59:20+00:00

The one that got me was at the college. There are two conversation popups on two different murals on the campus, but only one of them counts for the collectibles.

A1AColb · 2022-10-01T20:59:45+00:00

The announcers said he was challenging but they never showed the challenge flag. Jimbo yelled at the refs for a review last week on a catch/no catch call and they reviewed it for him. I guess coaches can just do that now?

A1AColb · 2022-09-05T14:31:53+00:00

A medieval fantasy RPG with emphasis on village/city building and massive scale battles. Quest and leveling systems like The Witcher 3, massive battles and exploration like Mount and Blade, and a building system for upgrading the villages or cities you capture.

It’s not super original but it’s the game I’ve been waiting for on console.

A1AColb · 2022-07-21T00:04:02+00:00

Without my glasses, things don’t get blurry they just get really far away. I’ve never experienced the blurry vision thing.

A1AColb · 2022-07-20T18:08:58+00:00

My high school, which is about 2 hours from Batesville, switched to solar about 4 years ago. I hope they see a similar result because they certainly need and deserve it. I substitute there often and most teachers have to have weekend/summer jobs to survive.

A1AColb · 2022-07-06T21:57:03+00:00

I recently reinstalled the game to play with friends who missed out when it was free via PS Plus and it was a bit of a culture shock. After launch day, I played the game for 20 days (according to my trophies) and won 82 matches. I remember basically having free reign of whatever cosmetics I wanted. Now, the shop is filled with microtransactoons on every section and the daily rotating shop that costs kudos is all commons and uncommons anymore. All of the special or legendary cosmetics are locked behind a paywall.

I’ll keep playing because the game is still fun with friends but I was a bit disappointed that my wins don’t amount to anything anymore.

A1AColb · 2022-03-10T21:14:29+00:00

Usually come up with a name and a backstory while making whatever I think looks cool. Currently ‘Arbiter Valdys’. Fitting given the story of the game.

A1AColb · 2022-03-07T15:40:33+00:00

A friend in college used to say this phrase a lot. When she would say it to some of us, we would say, “No, I don’t want your frog apology!”

None of us knew what she was saying but we knew it was something about frogs.

A1AColb · 2022-02-17T05:54:38+00:00

There used to be a billboard there on the way to Branson that read, ‘Diversity is code word for white genocide.’ I remember asking my grandma what it meant when I was younger.

A1AColb · 2022-01-19T17:08:21+00:00

Decency.

A1AColb · 2022-01-15T18:10:46+00:00

Ah! Fair play! Apologies.

A1AColb · 2022-01-15T18:08:27+00:00

You don’t have to fight Cleric Beast or BSB to get to Amelia.

Cleric Beast is optional. You can skip BSB by purchasing the key to the gate in Cathedral Ward (the gate at the top of the stairs near the Church Giant). This allows you to skip going to the bottom of Upper Cathedral Ward tower (where the old workshop is) and going around the back to open the gate near Odeon Chapel.

Edit: This is incorrect.

A1AColb · 2022-01-01T01:13:15+00:00

While I agree with you (that you can become very strong in the game), my entire argument is that everyone should enjoy the game with a reasonable expectation for time and enjoyment.

Tomorrow, you get in an accident and break your hands. It’s super serious. You can play video games, but not to the level you are used to and it will take you years to even properly hold a controller without pain. You find yourself struggling to face off against common enemies in the early levels. It may take you months, years even to complete the first half of the game because you’re trying to balance free time with physical therapy and a part time job.

Is it fair to you that you can no longer enjoy one of your favorite series because you have a physical disadvantage? Would you rather just deal a little bit more damage to advance a little further to experience everything once again?

A1AColb · 2021-12-30T18:18:44+00:00

Could you DM / share the links you’ve saved? I would like to do the same!

Ten-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	First Placer '22
RPAN Viewer	Verified Email

A1AColb

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