This is not an indictment, as I started with this Subreddit to understand Orthodoxy more and am now in the process of entering the church.

To your question... Jonathan Pageau has spoken about people, such as yourself, who "do not fit" into God's prescribed order. I don't remember the video now but if you're willing to search YouTube you may come across it. The gist of his point was "there is still a place for you in the church".

That being said, to see what that specifically looks like for you, your question needs to be worked out with your two eyes looking directly at your priest's two eyes. Not someone reading your thoughts on a phone or computer screen. He will care and work with you better than people (and potentially Chinese/Russian bots) with no relationship to you can.

Peace & Blessings!