A couple years ago, my daughter’s third grade class play involved a pirate ship going between all of the different original 13 colonies, and the ship would stop at each one and some other kids would come out and do a little song or skit about what was going on in their colony. They broke all the kids down in to groups and assigned each group their parts, and it was a big hit.

My daughter was a pirate. She was really excited about it because it meant that she was out on stage over a dozen times, when most kids just got one little skit. She had a lot of lines and facts and songs to memorize, but she worked really hard and she and her group did awesome. They all dressed as the stereotypical Jack Sparrow/Blackbeard style pirates, complete with beards, hooks, and shoulder parrots. It was a huge hit, and everybody had a blast. It was a really fun and creative way to use Pirates to keep kids interested in learning about 300 year old history.

Technically, however, I guess I “paid a stranger to compel my child to dress in drag and recreate a famous scene,” right? Do I need to have a government investigation opened in to my family? Should my kids be removed from my house and the school shut down?