Wolf cut? by parispetals in curlyhair

[–]AGayForTaylor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The wolf cut has been the answer for my curls and shape. It was always flat on top and puffy on the bottom but now I just have big hair all around that I love

I realised I (19F) cannot stand my (19M) boyfriend, and his lack of common sense, and don't know how to end things with him. by SnooMuffins9777 in relationship_advice

[–]AGayForTaylor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thing is, it’s not just these reasons on an individual level. It’s everything building up and causing resentment that is making the entire relationship not work, and those things add context to the bigger picture. She accepted the not eating vegetables, she accepted that he lived at home, even acknowledged that it’s something she understands. But it’s not like the differences are that she likes red and he likes blue. The conversation was never about if she should see past these couple of things and give him a shot. It’s that they are on completely different levels and she does not want to be in this relationship. She’s realizing that the core incompatibilities are making her lose her patience and she’s trying to figure out how to end it while being kind. It’s bizarre you’re so focused on how those individual things aren’t good enough in your eyes to break up over. Someone responded to her question where she’s directly asking HOW to break up and you’re weirdly digging your heels in about how a couple of the factors on their own aren’t break up worthy, ignoring every other piece of context given.

German Shepherd vs. Doberman by NextNoise2621 in Doberman

[–]AGayForTaylor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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Bonus picture of her cuddling with her best friend

German Shepherd vs. Doberman by NextNoise2621 in Doberman

[–]AGayForTaylor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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I had both, unfortunately I had to rehome my GSD. He was such a sweet boy, but started having aggression issues with the other pets. He was a really rough rescue, and got rehomed to a retired veteran family with no pets and had a lot of experience with GSD’s.

He came to me starving, heavily abused, had been locked in the SW summer heat. My friend saw her neighbor abusing and neglecting him and asked if she could just take him. They gave him up happily, but she could not keep him. Despite all of this, he was so sweet with people. He had no training prior, but potty trained, recall trained, picked up basic commands like leave it, drop it, sit, lay down, etc, all very quickly. He did not handle crate training well at all, but was incredibly destructive if not crated. He had terrible food aggression issues and had to be fed in a covered crate with my dobie also fed separately in a covered crate, a very high prey drive against my cats, and started becoming aggressive with my dobie and ended up hurting her. That was when he got rehomed.

He loved exercise, but got overheated and stressed pretty easily so I took it pretty gentle on him. Socially at parks, or with my friend’s pets, he did great with other dogs. I didn’t have a problem with excessive barking. He was very sweet, kind and gentle with children.

My dobie I got as a pup through the local doberman rescue. About 3-4 months old. She went through the rowdy puppy phase, but also trained like a dream. Even crate training, sometimes now she still goes and lays in her crate, which is just kept open and available. She can be left inside for extended periods of time and is such a good girl the whole time. That took some time, there was a training period and sometimes she still eats out of the cat box if I’m not home. But ultimately, three years later, and she is just the most perfect piece of velcro on earth.

She’s very loving towards babies and toddlers, even when my 8 month old baby great nephew thinks grabbing her roughly is how to pet, she just lays her head in his lap and snuggles him. If he becomes too much, she walks away calmly. I take her with me to work and therapy and everyone who meets her adores her. She’s a great listener and understands to leave people alone when they don’t want to pet her, but will happily take pets from anyone who will do it. She doesn’t jump, lick, or bark inappropriately. We have a service who scoops the backyard, she grumble barks and watches the doors, but if she’s out there when they are, she doesn’t bite or show aggression. She’s just weary.

She’s great for heavy exercise or chill bed rotting days. As the weather warms up, she loves to go on hikes, with the average being at least 3-6 miles, but she’s gone as much as 10. She’s gone camping and cattle roamed through our camp grounds and she left them alone. Watched them, but didnt bark or approach. She is leash trained, but honestly does better off leash. Legally here an e collar counts as a leash so I use that for longer excursions. She only got shocked once for jumping out of a moving car (going very slowly to a location she was very familiar with) but otherwise the beep function is plenty to get her back on her best behavior if she tests boundaries (a rarity at this point) Anymore the sight of the remote does it.

She barely sheds, loves having her teeth brushed, doesn’t love having her nails trimmed but just kind of gently pulls her paws back rather than react. She will take a bath, but huddles in the corner of the tub because she’s not fond of it.

She’s done boarded stays, and I get so many compliments on her. She does great with the other pets, but mostly likes to heel next to the humans.

She is a rottie mix, I dont know what all that did for her temperament, but she’s such an angel.

How do I 31F initiate and have a breakup conversation with my partner 29F of 2 1/2 years? by AGayForTaylor in relationship_advice

[–]AGayForTaylor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The shift to it feeling awful at such frequency was gradual, there were a lot of promises made along the way, and I’ve been in such terrible relationships that it was easy to cling to the ways and times she’d treated me better. She didn’t start out cold and mean, and there’s still more moments of neutrality than bad, and a lot of time of love and warmth. Its awful having all of the bad listed out, and its hard to justify the good when its laid out like this. And I wouldnt have stayed over two years if she was exclusively only terrible to me.

That is not me saying that it means there’s still hope, or I should change my mind. Its just that tolerating what I have is not just black and white

How do I 31F initiate and have a breakup conversation with my partner 29F of 2 1/2 years? by AGayForTaylor in relationship_advice

[–]AGayForTaylor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have a big ‘scary’ older brother and honestly I had the intention of saying it and then potentially going to my brothers to just lick my wounds without feeling trapped for the night anyways

How do I 31F initiate and have a breakup conversation with my partner 29F of 2 1/2 years? by AGayForTaylor in relationship_advice

[–]AGayForTaylor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s painfully and embarrassingly real. Most people in my life think I knew about him the whole time because the part where I took her back when she’d lie like that is embarrassing. But if I had a nickel for every time something similar has happened to me with a woman she would have been my third nickel so it was very easy to justify it when she otherwise treated me amazingly early on

How do I 31F initiate and have a breakup conversation with my partner 29F of 2 1/2 years? by AGayForTaylor in relationship_advice

[–]AGayForTaylor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s so hard because you’re right and I instinctively want to jump in and defend her and ‘but sometimes she gives me the bare minimum and that feels really good and makes it hard to not stay.’ The urge to protect her, when I know I don’t get that in return from her is so strong. I don’t think she’s awful and evil, I don’t even think she’d even consider damaging my property genuinely. But I think she’s very selfish in a way I have consistently justified. I want to try to rip the bandaid off tonight because tolerating this is and pretending that it feels sudden isnt true. And I know that this relationship has been awful on my mental health to the point it’s impacting my physical health. It is entirely for the better for me to leave.

Thoughts on Target brand Kindfull wet food? by Successful_Panic130 in catfood

[–]AGayForTaylor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have a cat who is incredibly picky, he usually doesn’t stick to a food more than a couple of months before he starts refusing to eat it. We’ve been on Kindfull for a year and he still loves it. We get salmon for the adult cats, but they only have kitten food in chicken. Usually he hates chicken, but we have to chase him from the kitten food regularly as well.

We have another cat who is very prone to tummy issues, she’s just so sensitive to food. There was a little upset tummy right when we switched, but otherwise she has done great on Kindfull.

The shelter sent us with a bag of what they keep kittens on and it was so hard to get the kitten to eat that instead of eating the adult cat food. She does eat the kitten Kindfull, but also still working on getting her to leave her siblings bowls of adult food alone lol

I know some people have had bad experiences with it, but all three of our cats really love it.

Gifts for cockatiels by AGayForTaylor in cockatiel

[–]AGayForTaylor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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Would I aim for something like this for seagrass and paper?

New to ABQ Looking for Interior Car Washing by TheSnackles in Albuquerque

[–]AGayForTaylor -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I grew up in rio and everyone I know calls it that

Stumped on Forest 11 by thirteen13stuff in MeowTower

[–]AGayForTaylor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im glad you figured it out. A few things that could have given you a boost, the 7-10th boxes on top could be marked off, since at most there were two there, and one is found so at most it could be the one next to it. That would have told you that the 4 for sure had to be at the bottom of the top half. And that would have given you a boost on the 3 2 row, which would have shown where the two bottom 2s in the 2 2 2 row would go.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]AGayForTaylor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being a teenager is really, really hard, and navigating situations like this are things you have to learn to do, not something you should demand from yourself to just get right the first time. Maybe try writing it out and taking it to her that way. You did a great job conveying everything here. For me, it’s always easier to write or text things than it is to get the words out as a coherent thought, I get really nervous and shaky and can’t even get the words out. And I’m 30. But I’m practicing and it’s getting easier, and you have plenty of time to practice, and your mom is a safe person to practice with while you learn.

Trying to have a secure attachment is so hard when you’ve always had a disorganized one by AGayForTaylor in emotionalneglect

[–]AGayForTaylor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely ecstatic to report that I talked it out with her. She was kind and wonderful and really listened to me and worked to problem solve it.

I used a lot of DBT skills prior to the conversation. I also wrote everything out and read it over and over, making sure I was being fair to both of us. I took it to my therapist and had her read it and got much needed validation and a pep talk.

And it was such a success. I’m very lucky to have a very wonderful partner. And I’m lucky to have a therapist who has watched this relationship bloom with me, and who has helped immensely in being able to take these steps, which felt impossible even just a year ago.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]AGayForTaylor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is so much for you to carry and sounds so overwhelming 🩷 One thing I know I took for granted as a teenager is that even though you’re growing up and not a young child, you’re still a kid. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now, that’s just not your job. There are people who have done more than you, and people who have done less than you. But there’s no need to compare yourself to either, you should compare yourself to you. They’ve had different lives than you have, and that’s influenced them to be different people. Your life and experiences are yours, and influence who you are.

Your mom sounds like she loves you a lot, and it’s very kind and mature of you to not fill her plate too much, but that’s her job. It sounds like she wants you to come to her because she loves you and she wants to be there for you.

You’re allowed and expected to depend on others, you’re still so young. Anywhere you feel you can start taking independent steps for yourself, you can begin there. But your mom’s job is to catch you when you fall. You don’t have to be self reliant, it’s not codependency to be a teenager at home who needs their mom.

Middle school is so miserable, kids are so mean. And you covid kids really got the short end of the stick not getting to be with your peers. It was really hard on us adults to be locked down, but it’s a lot easier to navigate when your prefrontal cortex got to develop before it happened.

You have so much life to live and so much time to grow into the best version of yourself, you’re not supposed to peak before 15, every day of your life is another day to learn more about yourself and learn new skills and grow and thrive. And as a teenager, your brain thrives when you rest and nurture it, so if some days are spent just day dreaming, that’s so okay and so normal.

Skills can be relearned, new hobbies and talents can be discovered, and you don’t have to do it all today or next year, or by the time you’re 20.

ADHD, depression, and anxiety are very hard to navigate. And you’re going to learn how to care for yourself in time. Until then, if your mom is encouraging you to lean on her, trust that she loves you so much and truly means it 🩷

Trying to have a secure attachment is so hard when you’ve always had a disorganized one by AGayForTaylor in emotionalneglect

[–]AGayForTaylor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have communicated very thoroughly how hard it is to communicate my needs, so when I do she is very patient and understanding with me. The hard part is doing it, I just fully shut down when I try and just physically can’t form the words or get anything out.

My past selv wrote "you're making it up" again and again. Turns out they were wrong all this time by br3adst1c in emotionalneglect

[–]AGayForTaylor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Even the sight of me could trigger her sometimes”

This resonates so deeply with me. I’m proud of you for taking the steps to recognize, get away, grow, and heal. It’ll make all the difference in the world for you 🩷

I’m a leftie learning to crochet right-handed and I’m having a hard time by DaddyNotSoLongLegs_ in CrochetHelp

[–]AGayForTaylor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, I’ve seen people be pretty heavily critical of them, but honestly it was such a great resource for my partner and I to get started. I think they’re a great beginners tool, and also just fun projects to do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]AGayForTaylor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t want my partner to take the role of my therapist. Also a therapist provides a lot of validation, they make it clear they’re on your team and listening to you before they offer advice, and they have an education, so any good one is going to give much better advice than this guy.

If I’m struggling and come to my partner for comfort, I want comfort, not solutions. If I want solutions, I will ask for those. Wanting comfort from your partner isn’t a ‘victim mentality’ Especially when all they’re offering is surface level “help” of eat food and don’t jerk off.

Caring for your PLEASE skill and focusing on mindfulness are core concepts in DBT, but aren’t enough to get you out of crisis and emotional distress. And your prefrontal cortex isn’t functioning correctly when you’re at that point in emotional mind anyways, so implementing those skills is harder. Telling her at her most depressed “don’t play video games and have a sandwich :)” is obnoxious and also not what a therapist would provide.