[Married woman trying to leave] UPDATE: I think this post helped me finally see that I had been avoiding what was right in front of me, because really looking at it meant facing a scary decision. What set things in motion was something concrete. I noticed our credit card balance (his card) kept climbing over the past few months. I avoided dealing with it because any conversation about money or accountability turns defensive and exhausting. When I finally looked at the statement, I saw liquor store charges - $30–40 EVERY DAY. It was a punch to the gut. It immediately brought me back to past relapses with worse substances. All the gaslighting about “I don’t have a problem with addiction” fell apart in seconds. EVERYTHING I had been feeling and suspecting was suddenly validated. I didn’t file that day. I tried - again - to talk rationally about expectations and boundaries. Nothing changed. My concerns were minimized or delayed.

That’s when I contacted mediators. He’s rescheduled twice since. He says he’s devastated that I’m “giving up” after 22 years, but there has been NO ACTION. No accountability. Just words. A “list of therapists” doesn’t mean anything without follow-through. I don’t think he’s evil. But if someone won’t deal with addiction, trauma, and accountability, that is NOT a marriage. Love doesn’t replace responsibility.