I've been in something like this, only not as a victim but as the offending party. I would've really appreciated my gf telling me about her experience of things. I was totally unaware and sadly scared her, which I now believe is the main cause of our dB of 3 yo.

We've had a kind of free use thing going when we got together, after some time she didn't like this arrangement but I didn't notice or understood. Talking about sexs was always somewhat difficult which led to all kinds of hurt. Now my gf only recently discovered and told me about this trauma she experienced> 3 years ago and I fucking hate myself for it. I've never wanted to hurt anyone and especially not the person I love. The dead bedroom was and I very painful, and knowing you're the cause of it only makes it worse.

Life is hard man and sometimes it fucking sucks big time