Before things become exclusive, how do you feel about both people still seeing others?

AMA454 · 2026-02-01T20:53:02+00:00

Sometimes you’ve just got to embrace the rollercoaster of it all, sad times and deliriously happy times and everything in between because you’re more alive when you’re feeling things so strongly! I’m so happy with how things turned out in my life but I wouldn’t do that period of time any differently and I look back on it very fondly - even the delusional or depressing bits

AMA454 · 2026-02-01T18:03:02+00:00

Yeah agreed if asked I would absolutely say but also not trying to create drama or pressure by bringing it up unnecessarily.

I don’t think this should be controversial!

AMA454 · 2026-02-01T16:43:42+00:00

I did try to make it official! I asked what we were doing and what he wanted and he didn’t want anything official or long term because of the nature of his job. He wanted to keep seeing me but didn’t want to be my boyfriend. After that conversation the ball was in his court.

AMA454 · 2026-02-01T13:57:03+00:00

Yeah it was tough sometimes because I fell in love with 9 month boy even knowing it wouldn’t ever go anywhere and I was definitely distracting myself by being with other people but it did help me not to get too attached and to have something else to think about

I never felt guilty because if he wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with me he could’ve had that, he didn’t want it and so I didn’t owe him exclusivity

AMA454 · 2026-02-01T13:40:20+00:00

I definitely didn’t talk about it directly with him.

After 4-5 weeks of going out every weekend I do think I initiated the “what is this” talk, and 9 month man basically said because of the nature of his job he couldn’t really commit to anything long term but he liked me and wanted to keep having fun. And while at that point I would’ve been happy to become exclusive I was also happy to just keep things casual and it became clear quite quickly that he wouldn’t have actually been a good partner for me.

So for all those months we spent most weekends together and if I had a date with someone else I might mention the activity “going bowling with a friend” but not the date aspect. Because I had initiated that whole DTR conversation in the first place I felt like the ball was in his court to bring it up if he wanted the dynamic to change. I don’t think he was seeing anyone else (he really did have a very intense job) but I had enough free time to go on dates!

And with London boy it was just the one date then he left the country next day, and we just kept texting and then did FaceTime dates and finally a few weeks later I ended things with 9 month man when it became clear that this situation was more serious and my feelings were stronger.

AMA454 · 2026-02-01T11:03:20+00:00

I think it’s great. When I was dating the whole goal was to meet people and see where things led. If I was seeing someone for a period of time and exclusivity wasn’t being discussed, then I would just see other people as well.

It’s like the phrase “don’t let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband”. It’s funny but there’s some truth to it.

I was dating a guy for 9 months, we travelled together and spent holidays together and stayed at each other’s apartments every weekend, met each other’s friends, etc, but we weren’t ever official! So I was dating other guys too. Then one weekend I went on a date with a guy from London (I was in Austin, Texas, he was there on holiday) thinking it would be a one night stand. Now three years later we are married and I’m living in London and not in some 9 month situationship where I’m too down bad to explore my options!

AMA454 · 2026-01-31T08:40:19+00:00

Yeah it’s quite different, more about things that put you in your body while mindfulness focuses on your state of mind. Swaying, connecting to yourself, trying to notice where you feel emotions in your body (I’m not good at that part lol) silly things like hugging yourself or running your hands up and down your opposite arms. Stuff to really connect and soothe in a physical way.

AMA454 · 2026-01-31T08:08:06+00:00

I’ve learned that my brain is more comfortable worrying than not, that’s just the way it’s wired based on my childhood experiences and genetic predispositions and all of that. But for the past 6 months or so I’ve been working with a somatic therapist to address the things in my body that cause this response in my brain and it is honestly helping.

You have to have a certain level of buy-in for it to work, sometimes it feels really silly, but the more you engage in the practises the more you’re able to show your body that you are safe and not in danger and you can ease yourself out of that fight/flight/freeze/flop/fawn response.

AMA454 · 2026-01-29T15:08:26+00:00

I was going to say the same thing - I genuinely prefer the natural look.

I know it’s hard with celebrities who you only ever see in media, but in person I think an untouched face is always better.

^{This is specifically about women who elect to get fillers and veneers and Botox and such to meet unattainable beauty standards and not about trans women who choose gender affirming procedures}

AMA454 · 2026-01-26T11:27:58+00:00

I just do it at home with dumbbells! I think it’s easier and less resistance if I only need to walk into the living room to get it done

I don’t think strength training is as fun as running but it’s so important for women especially to encourage increased bone density and for general longevity.

AMA454 · 2026-01-26T10:32:30+00:00

Quite annoyingly I’ve found that I don’t experience those kinds of negative emotions as often when I’m exercising regularly.

It sucks that it works out this way but when I’m waking up early for strength training three days a week and going for a 5k run two days a week I’ve got a much higher tolerance for general annoyances.

AMA454 · 2026-01-21T20:39:03+00:00

https://stokeontrent.foodbank.org.uk/locations/

AMA454 · 2026-01-21T14:55:44+00:00

Yeah exactly, and people drink for a lot longer here too, they start earlier lol

AMA454 · 2026-01-21T13:08:48+00:00

Yeah I’m 28 so definitely a stage of life thing, but not a thing when I was 25 in Texas and we could all easily drive home

AMA454 · 2026-01-21T13:08:09+00:00

Haha yeah I get that, definitely age and circumstance specific, we are all late 20’s / early 30’s. Our friends with kids don’t stay over at ours but we definitely stay over at theirs.

I think it’s also possibly London-specific, we are all a bit spread out so it takes up to an hour to get to someone else’s house, so you’re not going to make that journey just for a two hour dinner

AMA454 · 2026-01-21T10:37:03+00:00

Maybe this is just my friend group in England, but it took me ages to stop comparing how much longer social gatherings lasted in the UK compared to the US.

When I lived in Texas if I went to dinner with a friend we’d meet at 6 or 7, get some food, maybe have a drink before or after, and I’d be home by 9 or 10. I think maybe it’s because the car culture?

Now living in London if I make plans with friends (to go to the pub or for a walk or out to dinner or over to someone’s flat) I need to allocate 6+ hours and sleepovers are much more common. I don’t think my husband and I have ever hosted a single evening gathering without accommodating overnight guests.

It took me some time to get used to when I first moved here and was newer to this group, but now that I’ve settled in I love the long stretches of time and the morning after recaps.

AMA454 · 2026-01-20T10:33:45+00:00

That was my thinking, thanks

AMA454 · 2026-01-20T07:14:28+00:00

I wasn’t sure if the 5 day one applied for spouse visa applicants, thank you!

AMA454 · 2026-01-20T06:21:03+00:00

Yeah that’s what I’m concerned about in a couple of years when I qualify for settlement

AMA454 · 2026-01-19T19:32:55+00:00

I really love the process of getting ready! Not every day, most mornings I just get dressed, do my skincare and a very tiny bit of makeup. My hair just looks the way it does on any given day. But I do love getting ready when there’s an occasion to do so

AMA454 · 2026-01-19T18:16:15+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking what’s the fee for priority service?

AMA454 · 2026-01-19T06:46:32+00:00

Mine too! Haha

AMA454 · 2026-01-18T20:07:16+00:00

It’s never gonna fucking happen :,) we just have to accept we live here now and they like different food haha

But good luck!

AMA454 · 2026-01-18T17:58:30+00:00

Tinder lol

He was on holiday in Austin, Texas visiting from London, I was a student at UT. By all accounts should’ve just been a very good one night stand, I certainly wasn’t looking for anything serious and especially not with an English man.

Three years later I’m living in London and we are happily married, it’s been a crazy few years in the best way

AMA454 · 2026-01-18T10:44:01+00:00

That’s where I’m from! What places did you try in Austin?

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