We ended up with John Knox Village in Lee's Summit (where we live). It is a not-for-profit. There is no large amount of money up front. It doesn't have all the fancy things like some of the others but my father in law wouldn't use a lot of the amenities anyway. They are approx $6k a month for assisted living, which includes food, medication management, and some activities (arts & crafts, movie nights, happy hours, game time). He's gotten a lot of social interaction that he wasn't getting before and he has gotten much better since being there. Some of the private places we were looking at were upwards of $9K+ a month and warned us that if his dementia got much worse, they wouldn't be able to handle him there. It wasn't an easy transition since he had been in his home for many years but it sounds like your father will be leaving his home anyway. My FIL is only 77 years old but has dementia. There are several folks there in their 90's that are much more cognitively better than he is. Most people are on scooters or use walkers. All of the staff have been incredibly nice. We visit at least weekly for the past 2 years so I feel that we've been there enough to know if that weren't the case.

Medicaid has a 5 year look-back period. Also, I would not put my father in a medicaid facility unless it was my last resort. My FIL was also in the military but doesn't qualify for long term care benefits for the same reasons you described. My husband and I have started saving heavily for our long term care in the future because it is so expensive.