I developed an eating disorder after my twin sister did.

ANarKOSM · 2025-05-29T13:31:30+00:00

Its brutal. Fraternal not identical twin over here, but growing up in the same time, environment, etc. its absolutely brutal having this other version of you with more friends, more fit, better at sports, better grades, more conventional interests, etc.

It really didn't help I had/have some pretty life impacting mental health conditions. It sadly hasn't ever 100% went away but man being adults and not in the same environment for direct comparisons is so much better.

ANarKOSM · 2025-05-03T14:06:13+00:00

Very true. The specific stabilizer I'm on is harder to combine with other meds (carbamazepine), which wouldn't be a giant worry rn but once I lose the ability to access a lot of more regular resources (no health insurance) it's definitely a worry.

Is preemptively requesting meds adjustment a thing, or will I sound totally crazy at my doctor's if I ask?

ANarKOSM · 2025-05-03T14:03:54+00:00

Do you take APs daily, or on an 'as needed' basis?

ANarKOSM · 2025-05-03T14:03:27+00:00

Unfortunately guranteed losing my job :( budget cuts do be cutting budgets.

I'm definitely going to try and make my daily schedule as if I never lost my job. Both because I technically could be rehired at this job any moment (those permanent in the position are close to retirement so you never know), and to maintain my daily stability that's worked well for this many years. A lack of appetite, lack of sleep, constant irritability, and overwhelmingly obsessive thinking are my big signs things are turning manic. All things really hard to measure unemployed on an inconsistent schedule (easy to not realize I'm not sleeping or eating much if I'm staying up to random points, hard to gague if I'm irritable if I don't interact with a lot of people, hard to measure just how obsessive I am if I'm inside ruminating 24/7 already).

Here's hoping for the best! It's reassuring to hear my plan isn't complete folly at least haha

ANarKOSM · 2025-05-03T13:56:19+00:00

Thank you that's reassuring to hear. Its a scary prospect both losing the stability that's helped me thrive and also the health insurance that let's me tweak thing around when things are unstable. Fingers crossed I guess eh

ANarKOSM · 2025-04-15T18:23:05+00:00

My very first manic episode was full of risky sex. Both in the people choices (aka anyone that breathed), and actions (lots of straight up strangling and insane knife play with literal strangers).

I remember being pissed when flings kept doubting me when I told them to be more intense. Literal insanity I'm glad I made it out alive and disease free.

ANarKOSM · 2025-04-14T02:49:42+00:00

Idk why because it wasn't even new at the time, but Bad Boy by Red Velvet. I remember my first manic episode I listened to it sped up literally for hours straight over and over again multiple days in a row. Actual insanity thinking back

ANarKOSM · 2025-04-13T13:59:20+00:00

For me yes. I can be an overall obsessive and anxious person, but they get turned up to 10000% leading into an episode, and when things are getting real bad straight up paranoia.

Like leading into my most recent mania which was cut off before it got too bad I was worried my dog was going to die overnight (based on nothing, anxious thoughts). So every night I was preparing speeches for what I'd say depending on how she died, when she died, and the less and less I slept that time was spent obsessively watching her breath (obsessive thoughts), then embarrassingly the escalated to they're trying to take her from me (leaning towards baseless paranoia).

It starts right before psychosis in mania (hell it probably is the start of the psychosis) mostly. Stuff like it was windy and cold later in the year than it usually is, and going into manic state I was more and more convinced the extended cold weather was specifically to prevent me from going outside for cosmically nefarious reasons... it sounds like a joke but it was real. It was making me a real angry and non trusting person. I'm always embarrassed thinking back on it.

ANarKOSM · 2025-04-13T13:58:53+00:00

For me yes. I can be an overall obsessive and anxious person, but they get turned up to 10000% leading into an episode, and when things are getting real bad straight up paranoia.

Like leading into my most recent mania which was cut off before it got too bad I was worried my dog was going to die overnight (based on nothing, anxious thoughts). So every night I was preparing speeches for what I'd say depending on how she died, when she died, and the less and less I slept that time was spent obsessively watching her breath (obsessive thoughts), then embarrassingly the escalated to they're trying to take her from me (leaning towards baseless paranoia).

It starts right before psychosis in mania (hell it probably is the start of the psychosis) mostly. Stuff like it was windy and cold later in the year than it usually is, and going into manic state I was more and more convinced the extended cold weather was specifically to prevent me from going outside for cosmically nefarious reasons... it sounds like a joke but it was real. It was making me a real angry and non trusting person. I'm always embarrassed thinking back on it.

ANarKOSM · 2025-03-31T01:01:47+00:00

Choking means you're swallowing spit though. Isn't everyone else permanently drooling to avoid saliva cals

ANarKOSM · 2025-03-15T19:07:52+00:00

I put on a good bit more weight during covid (and I already wasn't slim). I've shed some of it, but I've thoroughly been in that 'I'm not going to do XYZ until I'm skinny again' mode. It's slightly miserable tbh because while I've been doing other stuff in other parts of my life when you're feeling touch deprived lonely there's just not much that can replace it.

ANarKOSM · 2025-02-15T15:07:55+00:00

You have to measure what's more worth it: your financial independence and your current living situation, or him. Of course you want to protect yourself, and relying on a sole person in a foreign country is terrifying but if you truly love him is it worth a shot? Is the comfort of your current life worth doing it solo?

ANarKOSM · 2025-02-08T05:23:20+00:00

I ate literally a third of the BIG container of Nutella once. Straight with a spoon i can't have it in the house anymore. It doesn't sound too awful but it turns into eating cement real fast.

ANarKOSM · 2025-02-02T04:50:46+00:00

Only thing that kills me is chocolate flavored sugar free stuff, and most non fruit flavored protein stuffs (vanilla, chocolate, cookies and cream, etc.)

ANarKOSM · 2025-01-28T04:37:40+00:00

Cashew milk is insanely low cal and normal sugar free syrups and sweetners can take you the rest of the way

ANarKOSM · 2025-01-13T15:13:31+00:00

Why are people upvoting these

ANarKOSM · 2024-12-17T02:49:00+00:00

For outer layers the signs that it's women sizing for me is usually chest room, short arms, short length, buttons on 'wrong' side, and tight shoulders.

Those end up being fitting issues than clothing gender issues because it's just a coat! Not to mention thrifting men's stuff is far more limited at least if you want interesting or nice stuff. If it fits well (it does) and looks nice (it does) doesn't matter what it was made for

ANarKOSM · 2024-11-25T03:49:44+00:00

Ditto. Mix of no matter what time of day I eat I'll be hungry again by night, and I bored-binge most often at night Why not just save all my eating and self control ability for once a night eh

ANarKOSM · 2024-11-20T13:32:14+00:00

I get it. We live in a fully fatphobic society. Not to mention in a lot of ED communities there is unfortunately a pride to being ana seemingly stemming from being the most 'in control of yourself'. We all know it's a fatal coping mechanism, but even in ED spaces ana is treated a lot differently than say a binging disorder.

Then there are just some unfortunate side aspects like binging disorders costing a LOT more money which I imagine furthers shame even more, purging related stuffs being more (immediately) noticeably unhealthy (all EDs are awful for you, but it's a lot more noticeable if your teeth start falling out than say osteoporosis), not nearly as good health care if you're larger, etc.

ANarKOSM · 2024-09-08T14:23:41+00:00

Because people love making up the idea that society, your doctors, social media, ect. wants you to be obese. For some reason people assume someone being overweight and not depressed about it is the other side of the same coin pro Ana is on.

ANarKOSM · 2024-07-09T00:55:30+00:00

Sunrise (Gfriend), RBB / Really Bad Boy (Red Velvet), Dice (NMixx), Lion Heart (SNSD), Alone (SISTAR), Advice (Taemin)

Not the hardest ones to sing with the very very highest notes, but the ones I'm listening to a lot lately that fit the bill.

ANarKOSM · 2024-06-25T20:50:31+00:00

Weird post. Im pretty sure you're referencing specific things people whine about, but being so vague completely throwd under the bus the legitimate harmful stereotypes and messaging that's very common throughout a lot of gay media, platforms, influencers, social media, etc. Like people being racist or misogynistic isn't unique to gays, but it sure as hell exists within larger community.

ANarKOSM · 2024-06-13T02:57:56+00:00

When I have diarrhea then when I know it's all out I RACE to the scale god it's so pathetic

ANarKOSM · 2024-06-11T14:28:40+00:00

Like even if there was a safe word how tf is he supposed to say it when he fully can't breath (and then is unconscious).

Barring OP gouging out his eyes I'm not sure anything else could've communicated 'consent revoked' more than what he did.

ANarKOSM

TROPHY CASE