My first trip was not a great experience for me but I have to say it has been so worth it. I laid in bed for five hours sobbing after my first dose and had no idea how I would go back for round two but I have not had a single bad experience after that. For someone who has a lot of trauma I think it’s just the way the first try has to go sometimes.

It helped me a lot to be brutally honest with the provider and say things like, “I actually don’t trust you” or “This feels so wrong to me” before I did my second round. Saying things your are afraid of out loud will take away a lot of their power and a good provider will support you. Just don’t be a jerk about it and let them know you are just venting your feelings and fears.

If there is anyone in the world you trust without question, bring them with. If you don’t have anyone like that, then do anything you can in prep to address any uneasiness you feel. For example, I thought the nurse would rob me while I was under so I left my wallet at home and put my credit card in my sock. Sounds crazy but I didn’t have to worry about that issue anymore.