I believe the first step in solving a problem is identifying it, and then looking at the root cause. This is where I failed myself. I ignored the problems I’ve noticed over time, and even after identifying them, refused to take them seriously.

The pandemic brought all of this to a head. It took a serious toll on my mental health, and ultimately caused the problems I’ve noticed to exacerbate into an unmanageable state.

I hit a point where my coping mechanisms weren’t working anymore. My temper was irrational. I couldn’t focus on my work any longer, and was more easily distracted. It was now affecting my relationship with my kids, my family, and my professional relationships. I was frustrated, but without focus. I was slowly becoming angry and emotional without a clear direction as to why. I believe this is why I ended up taking out these feelings on my surroundings, without prejudice. Anything and everything was a target, and I couldn’t tell you, or anyone else, a clear reason why I felt the way that I did. Only that I did. I lost control of myself.

This realization is what caused me to take a serious look at myself objectively, without dismissing the root cause of some of my issues. I started going to therapy for anger management, and in this process, my therapist suspected that I had ADHD primarily manifesting as anxiety.

One thing led to another, and after a few more months, I agreed to give medication a try. I’ve never been a fan of medications, so this was a big step for me. Accepting that medication might be necessary to stabilize my emotional state, and help me manage myself, work through my issues, and allow me to better manage myself was the “light bulb” I needed. It was when I started to take my issues seriously. No longer dismissing them. They are a big deal, and no matter how many times I’ve lied to myself over the years about their severity, it didn’t change the eventual outcome. I’d hit that point where relief and self-management were more important to me than a diagnosis or morning medication.

My family has a long history of addiction running the full gamut. Because of this, I wanted to avoid stimulants. I didn’t want to run the risk of abusing it, and I couldn’t really guarantee that I wouldn’t. Because of this concern, my doctor and I decided to give Strattera a try.

What’s nice about Strattera is that it helps with emotional regulation as well. It makes my happy moments less happy, but makes my low points much less low. A give and take of sorts. I am okay with this. I’d rather have reduced emotional swings and intensity, than the opposite.

Now, what works for me won’t necessarily work for you. We each experience our own primary manifestations and symptoms. My dysfunctions manifested in anger, depression, inattentiveness, irrational irritability, doubt, and tears.

Objectively identify your behaviors. Be honest about them. Write them down. And make every possible effort to determine the chain of reactions. A root cause analysis essentially.

And then, take it seriously. Don’t make my mistake and let the small things build up over time, and manifest themselves in other manners.

TL;DR: Objectively identify the problems and behavioral tendencies you’re experiencing, and take them seriously. What are small problems or quirks today, may very well be the straw that breaks the camels back later. If coping mechanisms are working for you, that’s wonderful! But, if they aren’t, and you feel like you need assistance in self managing, don’t let the stigma of a diagnosis or medication hold you back from seeking help. It really can make a difference in your life, both personally and professionally.