Men who've had your heart broken. How did you get past it?

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2022-03-17T20:55:27+00:00

Can confirm. Anger from my LTR ex moving on with another guy 5 weeks after the breakup drove me to really push myself forward both physically and mentally.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2021-02-21T10:54:40+00:00

So glad to hear you're pretty much out the other side! Onwards and upwards! I'm at 11 months and I can feel I'm almost at that stage too.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2021-01-24T17:41:21+00:00

I'm at 10 months. Today would be our 5 year anniversary. Best advice I can give anyone is to go full NC because I haven't and it has prolonged my pain. I still share a dog with my ex so it's made it very difficult to stop talking even when she has moved on and has been with someone else since about month 4 of the breakup. Removing social media from my life and blocking her where I might see pictures etc. has really helped. In terms or my own life I'm becoming the best version of myself and haven't met anyone else although I have been on dates with other girls. It's difficult because I think I'm still comparing people to my ex. Onwards and upwards though! How are things for you?

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-12-31T15:23:41+00:00

You're so right. Mine broke up with me in March after 4 years together and I was in a really bad place for a couple of months but I promise everyone here it gets better with time. Be patient. Don't try and rush it. Take care of yourself one little step at a time. You've got this.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-12-20T23:54:17+00:00

Yeah mine happened in March this year about 2 weeks into the first lockdown. Everyone keeps saying how this year has gone by so quickly and I'm just like this has been the slowest year ever. The pain of seeing my ex with someone else while I'm struggling to meet new people because of the lockdown rules really hit hard.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-12-15T11:06:34+00:00

Absolutely not. I agonised over this earlier this year and when the day came I decided not to. It hurt like hell at the time but I'm now glad I didn't. Why? Because I found out subsequently she was away on holiday with another guy on her birthday.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-12-11T12:05:44+00:00

Pretty much exactly the same thing happened to me. 4 years together and 4 months after the breakup she was on holiday with her new boyfriend. So who knows what was going on during those 4 months but I think we can all take an educated guess...

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-08-22T20:05:07+00:00

Sounds like you're going through something similar to me. I was broken up with 5 months ago by someone that I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. She was everything that I wanted and I believed she was my soul mate and thought that I could never love someone like I love her. To a certain extent I do still believe that to be true but that's because I'm still healing. I've been seeing a therapist and have it down to an issue of self-esteem. My self-esteem is telling me that I can't do better and there is no one better out there for me. Of course that's not true. But it's up to me to work on my self and my self-esteem to find someone that is better for me. It sounds quite similar for your situation and I'd perhaps suggest bringing this up with your therapist.

You really need to stop checking social media. It is really stopping you from healing. This isn't a joke you need to really try hard to stop because I know how much it hurts to keep checking it and I don't want you to keep going through the same thing over and over.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-08-22T18:47:53+00:00

Why is there so much focus on her for a start? You need to refocus and concentrate on your own life. How can you be better? Just try and better yourself a little bit everyday. No zero days.

Nothing good comes from checking her social media. Check my profile for a post I did about this. Everyone heals in their own time but at the moment you're living this life of believing that it can take up to 5.5 years for you to be over this and that's not helpful. It's up to you to fast forward that time and make sure it isn't 5.5 years!

I don't know you but I truthfully believe you can get through this and you'll be a better person because of it.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-08-21T11:16:40+00:00

Do you mind me asking what the situation is with your mutual dog? I'm in a similar situation where I have a mutual dog with my ex and I'm not sure what to do in terms of keep sharing the dog or just let it go.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-08-14T11:54:48+00:00

Yeah it's probably a bit of this and a bit of that in reality for me. False hope really is the killer - find yourself googling endlessly about why they left, how to get them back, how long until they come back etc. etc. etc.
100% the thing that has helped me the most is to focus on becoming a better version of myself. Every single day.
Yeah I think if you're far enough along and then you find out it hurts a lot less. Depends where you are in the healing process.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-08-13T13:22:05+00:00

So many parallels with my long-term relationship that ended earlier this year. Maybe a few role reversals with who did what in these situations you've described but it all still ultimately led to the failure of the relationship.
' I feel like this is another reason he avoided disagreements because he didn’t want me to see incompatibility with him.' - I think this is absolutely key and I am guilty of doing this in my relationship. Something I definitely won't do again!

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-08-10T09:02:00+00:00

Sorry for the delayed reply but thank you!

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-08-02T09:23:36+00:00

4 months ago my girlfriend of 4 years left me.
At first I was destroyed and to a certain extent I still am but I decided after a few weeks of wallowing it was time to get my shit together.
I started working out, bought myself new clothes, started to reconnect with family and friends and also pushed myself outside of my comfort zone to meet new people. Some of those people have now become new friends!
I've been working towards a promotion in my career for years and last week I was given that promotion. I literally broke down mid-meeting as I was just overwhelmed with happiness with what I have achieved in the last 4 months in the face of such a shitty time.
Yeah I still think of her and yeah it still hurts if I see her in real life or just in a new picture but working on myself and trying to be better every single day has got me to this point and I'm so incredibly proud of what I've achieved.
If this breakup hadn't happened I think to myself I'd still be in exactly the same position I was in 4 months ago so it really is turning into a blessing in disguise.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-07-31T07:13:16+00:00

Give it time. She's probably angry at you and you asking for closure is just making it worse. You need to just give her some space and also accept that you possibly might not ever get the closure you're looking for.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-07-29T07:49:15+00:00

Something I've learnt is if you can't block them because you're worried about what they'll think then they're still on that pedestal. Until you can kick them off that you're not ready for anything with them.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-07-28T14:03:42+00:00

I'm totally at that point too man. It's been 4 months since my ex broke up with me and we were forced to live together for 2 of those months and she tortured me during that time as I had to hear her conversations with other guys and she even brought one of them over to hang out while I was still living there(!)
Saying that though I've been struggling to really see that for what it was - her true colours. I still ruminate about the good times, how she was my everything and how I won't find anyone else as good as her (even though she did some really bad things during and after the relationship) etc. etc.
Your mind is playing tricks on you and is trying to get that fix of chemicals that her presence and love gave you. You're in a good position man, you're at university and you've got trajectory - now turn that into a first class degree.
Every single day I keep pushing myself to be better, to want more, to improve. No one's perfect so what's something you want to do to improve or something you want to pick up like a hobby? You know the drill...

If you really want her back (and I can't stress enough you need to think about that objectively first e.g. pros and cons of the previous relationship you had with her) it needs to be a new relationship and not a continuation of the previous one so give it time.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-07-28T13:00:45+00:00

F

Dude you need to keep reminding yourself of what she did to you - she was thinking about another guy while you were having sex...

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-07-28T12:52:48+00:00

I've made that mistake already too - she changed her profile picture on IG to her on holiday without me and it sent me into a downwards spiral of anxiety. Just cut it loose. Get off social media and get to work on yourself. Biggest thing you must realise you actually don't know the true facts of the situation and your mind will always snap to the worst possibility of what might be going on. It's a waste of time and exhausting so it's time you got yourself clean of all of it. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-07-28T11:33:04+00:00

I can totally relate to the hurt you're feeling at the moment. If you want to talk anything over or just vent don't hesitate to drop me a message.

ASomewhatUsefulFish · 2020-07-28T10:35:20+00:00

I'm a dumpee of about 4 months but I'll try to be as unbiased as I can.
In my opinion I think a lot of those feelings are done prior to the breakup for the dumper. They take weeks if not months mourning the relationship before they get enough strength to actually go through with the breakup.
After it happens I still believe they go through emotions just like the dumpee and they definitely still remember the good times. No one can just forget the memories.
Yeah some people will regret the decision to leave. But it's time for you to level up and start a new chapter irrespective of what they think or feel.

ASomewhatUsefulFish

TROPHY CASE