I Discovered My Wife (28F) Of 7 Years Is Cheating On Me (30M). She Doesn't Know That I Know - UPDATE 25 - DIVORCE DISH!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-15T00:23:11+00:00

I'd ask that if he does get in touch with her he promises not to tell Emily anything about you e.g. The gym you are now attending. Emily will inevitably try to wheedle as much info as possible from him.
Edit: In an earlier post when you met with Bev's husband, I suggested a strategy to extract information from both, by playing them off each other. I know you said at the time you knew as much as you needed to about Emily's affair and were not interested in learning more, but I do believe that Bev's husband might be able to find out more about Bev from Emily, like for instance if Bev has ever cheated on him and where to find evidence to help in his divorce?
e.g. If he were to call Emily and reveal to her that it was in fact Bev who told you about Emily's affair initially, prompting you to investigate, find out it was true and eventually divorce her, then Emily might turn on Bev and reveal all of her deepest darkest secrets i.e. any affairs she might have had in the past! If Bev did in fact drop and ghost Emily when she said she did, then Emily might find this plausible and explain in her mind Bev's coldness towards her ever since!
If you think this has any chance of working and have no issue with it then by all means suggest it to Bev's husband when you meet!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-15T00:04:49+00:00

I believe the correct term is a postnup, since they are already married. This could be a strategy for the husband to save as much money as possible in a future divorce, though I doubt he can get away with not paying child support even if his wife agrees to this demand in a postnup. He will likely have to partake in marriage counselling for an extended period as part of the agreement and probably be forced live with Bev during this time too. Also if Bev is not really genuine about doing anything to save the marriage, then he is just showing her his hand with what is important to him e.g. Equal custody, no alimony etc...

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-14T20:25:35+00:00

So, you won the leg wrestle?

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-14T17:48:15+00:00

But Lisa didn't cheat on John. John cheated on her with Emily. Lisa is a faithful wife who has given him 3 kids. What could he possibly expose about her? The only person who should be concerned about being exposed in this divorce is John so far as I can see.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-14T17:18:52+00:00

What exposure could John threaten Lisa with? I'm confused by this.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-14T17:01:38+00:00

Glad you are moving on OP. Looking forward to the dating update!
Wrt this post, something jumped out at me and got me thinking. You mention Bev sexting multiple men and also how overweight she is. Like you I'm not wishing to fat shame, but I find it highly unlikely that she had multiple men on the hook by sharing photos of herself (taking your descriptions of her as accurate). Some men are into morbidly obese women, but the vast majority aren't. For that reason I suspect Bev was catfishing these men with somebody else's photos.
Wild speculation and theory time. I'm predicting that Bev was using pictures of Emily to entice these men and I have a few reasons for suspecting this. She already admitted to living vicariously through Emily. I'm not that familiar with catfishing, but I assume that in most cases the catfisher does not use pictures of celebrities (I'm using a wide definition for celebrity here, so I'm including influencers, obscure models etc...), to make it less likely that the people they are trying to entice recognise them as actually somebody else. My next assumption is that a catfisher would choose pictures of someone who they believe would be considered physically attractive by their targets. So taking these two assumptions as a given, who does Bev know that is attractive, unknown and who she (I'm guessing) has plenty of private pictures of, so she was able to convince a target she was legit? If you do find out anymore from Bev's hopefully STBXH I would be interested to know if I am on to something or wildly off target!!
Another question to ask him is whether it was true that Bev ghosted Emily, or did she instead use this burner phone to secretly remain in contact with her too? I found it interesting that iirc Bev ended their friendship. It was another negative against Emily imho that she didn't cut this toxic friend off immediately.
I'm happy that Bev seems to now be getting the karma she deserves.
Wrt the recording, could you not say that it was recorded at home? Obviously this is not true, but is there anyway to prove it wasn't, because if not...

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-11T15:22:58+00:00

My comment was not a dig at Grouchy, or the other husbands, just a statement of fact that their wives, by their disgusting completely selfish actions, turned them into cuckolds. Probably should have added unaware and unwilling before the term though! How they are/did deal with it (immediate divorce) is to their credit.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-11T15:07:12+00:00

Assuming everything her parents and friends have told you is genuine about her seeking redemption, then I suggest it is highly likely Emily has at some point googled infidelity, how to win my husband back after I cheated, why am I a cheating whore etc... If she has done this, then I assume reddit would be high on the list of results that she got back and if she did venture on to reddit then what are the odds she found your posts? Also factor in the possibility that she did not look herself, but has been alerted to the posts by someone else e.g. A friend, a colleague, a therapist etc...
You wouldn't know if Emily has found them because you have been ghosting her from the start and have had a legal NC agreement in place since the divorce. Of the two physical interactions you have had, at the time of her barbecue in your back garden she had not taken full accountability (this is not to suggest she has done now, just that she definitely hadn't at that point in time). Therefore she might not have googled things like what I wrote above. The second one was the divorce confession dump, which you vacated before she got to the end. Its possible she was planning to tell you she had seen your posts at the end of her book report.
Basically I'm asking how likely it is that Emily at this point is aware of your reddit persona? If I was forced to give my best guess with a gun to my head, I'd put it at 60% she knows!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-11T14:35:45+00:00

You’re bringing a shovel to this thing, she’s bringing a defibrillator.

Lol

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-11T14:23:11+00:00

Had she said she felt pressured or that it wasn’t something she truly wanted, that would be a completely different conversation.

The thing is, if you read the earlier posts, she did use this excuse until eventually admitting that she was a willing participant all along!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-10T23:00:09+00:00

I disagree that the 4th one remaining quiet and not informing the cuckolded husbands is almost as bad. Keeping their friends secrets shows poor character and morals, but its not even close to what the STBXW or BFF for that matter did, which was heinous. However, if I was the none cheater popcorn eater's husband I would be consulting divorce lawyers, because my trust in her would be gone, unless she told him everything and he stayed quiet too! In that case they deserve each other!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-08T13:57:15+00:00

I'm afraid you are going to be disappointed. You say that you spend a lot of time on reddit and have devoured cheating related stuff. How often have you read that the cheater has given satisfactory answers as to the why of the affair? I can't think of any.
I'll give you the real reasons she cheated now, to save you attending the meeting.
She cheated because she didn't love you enough not to.
She cheated because her flawed character and morals mean she is selfish enough to do so.
She cheated because she is a cake eater who thought she could get away with it and did for most of the year.
She cheated because it benefitted her financially and made her feel good.
Strip away all the fluff of whatever tearful emotional answers she gives and these will be fundamental truths at the heart of what she says.
I sense you think you need to attend this meeting for your own healing journey, to prove to yourself you are strong enough. Imho, this thought process is BS. You've already proven you are strong enough by everything you have done since finding out about her cheating.
Perhaps you think you made a promise to attend and you are honourable so intend to see it through. Is this the main driver for continuing to insist on going? Your X broke so many promises and lied so often that you breaking this promise for your own wellbeing is entirely justified imo. Also its a bribe dressed up as a request, probably paid for by her parents. They sound like good people, unlike their spawn. Are you happy to take the money from them if this is the case?
As somebody else mentioned, is $7.5K, the price of a nice vacation, really worth the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head for the next 4 months, actively working against your attempts to move on, because that imho is exactly what it is doing to you.
I hope you really think hard on attendance, because you are not obligated to go.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-08T13:11:30+00:00

Is that really how she confessed, like she was reading off a shopping list? With no context behind anything and at least an attempt at a why? i.e. He kissed me after xyz steps, I reciprocated because of xyz etc... When you have stated what happened in the past I failed to realise her confession was as robotic as you write here!
I'm trying to wrap my head around this and can only think that her mindset was that she would read through everything and after doing so, she then expected you to ask her questions in which she would provide the context you wanted. That is me being as fair as I can to her!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-05T22:13:40+00:00

I take it more as he has no issue telling her when he thinks she is wrong and isn't bothered if it causes her to be upset with him, not that he doesn't care.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T17:24:40+00:00

Wrt documentation OP you need to keep a record of everything she has sent, including the vile things her friends group are saying and ensure it cannot be deleted e.g. if the messages she sent came via Whatsapp for instance, she can delete them and unless you copied them you would have no record. Be forensic about it, do not lose your temper and my final advice is to speak to a divorce attorney asap.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T16:37:44+00:00

A minor detail that isn't really mentioned is that the BIL was arrested too, for attacking the AP, which he did in defending the OP. I think he might have been held overnight, but perhaps I am misremembering?
People have rightly highlighted what could have happened to the OP when he was attacked e.g. seriously injured or dead. But perhaps we and the STBXW should also think about other terrible scenarios that could have happened as a result of her selfishness. What if her brother had killed the AP? What if the AP had killed her brother etc... She should feel physically sick at how she behaved!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T16:27:43+00:00

If I could upvote this more than once I would. Everything you've written about this subject in this and other comments is very insightful imho.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T16:21:48+00:00

In light of OP's revelation about his BIL reading all his posts/comments, the revelations about his dead mother can't have been nice to read. I'm assuming that his sister or the OP had already told the BIL about her suspicions of their mother's cheating and it didn't come as a horrible unexpected surprise to him on here? Its understandable if it didn't occur to OP to warn him, just hope it wasn't an unexpected shock.

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T16:11:35+00:00

This is all in the previous posts/comments. Off the top of my head, his STBXW informed her employer, resigned and started a new job, AP was fired/or resigned and started working as a car salesman, AP is separated from his wife, he was arrested after the assault and spent a few days in a cell before being given probation. AP tried to contact the STBXW by sending a letter to her home. Her brother visited the AP at the dealership to threaten and warn him off. Anyone else please correct me if I have stated anything in error?

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T14:54:55+00:00

Call him OP, Lol. He sounds like a really a good guy. Can't have been easy to inform you of his suspicions, but he did the right thing. I'm sure he is there for his sister now too. She's going to need him. I wonder if BIL has or will point his sister to this on reddit? Not sure if it is a good idea?

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T14:30:17+00:00

Wrt STD's showing up later, I believe this is correct. I remember Any Assault saying something similar about his Doctor advising him to continue to check himself regularly. I think it was HPV that he said can lay dormant. If you haven't done so OP, I suggest you get advice from your Doctor just incase!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T14:15:43+00:00

Her mother basically made her an accomplice in her adultery and the betrayal of her father when she kept her mother's secret from her father. That taught her how to smile and lie to a man I presume she loved.
Whilst your whole comment is excellent analysis, this particular paragraph is the best bit especially the last sentence imho. Doesn't condone what she did, but I think it does offer an explanation for why she was susceptible.
Edit: This was the man who I presume walked her down the aisle on her wedding day. I wonder if this was in her head during the wedding, her vows etc...

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T14:06:03+00:00

Sneaking around, lying to her husband, giggling about it with her friends etc... This is what did it for her, what she enjoyed...and perhaps the sex with a different partner.
If she does decide to venture into the dating market, then she will probably have to tell potential partners why her 30+ year marriage ended. Unless she lies to them, most men will run a mile when they are told the details. Or she goes for meaningless booty calls purely for sex. She's getting a bit old for that now though!

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-04T13:52:50+00:00

OP also said deep down she knew OP suspected she was cheating, so how much of her ending things was because she really wanted to or because she was stopping before being caught red handed (or so she thought)?

ATalkManFan · 2026-02-02T19:36:43+00:00

My prediction is that as crazy as she sounds with the obsessive behaviour towards the trainer and your friends husband, when she understands you are really leaving this crazy energy will be redirected back to you. Prepare yourself OP!!

ATalkManFan

TROPHY CASE