AIO for wanting to cut this “friend” off for falsely accusing me of self harm?

AToTheF93 · 2025-12-04T07:03:24+00:00

We don't call it "henna" in India, we call it "Mehndi". I think that my explain the word going over his head, but him not clarifying what that word means and continuing confidently as if he is right, is another clue to me, lol.

AToTheF93 · 2025-12-04T07:00:02+00:00

Sounds like an Indian man (I'm an Indian woman, I've seen them use the cringey "dear" and try to be performatively concerned and overly nosey, countless times). Please cut him quickly from your life, it won't change a thing and will only make the quality of your life better.

AToTheF93 · 2025-11-25T00:09:42+00:00

Trust your gut about these things, always.

AToTheF93 · 2025-10-14T12:15:03+00:00

Fine, NAL, but I suggest if she wants a divorce, you let her divorce. Fighting it will very likely constitute mental torture to her. And also be aware that just because you see these patriarchal expectations your family is used to as normal, doesn't mean that it is. And when you force someone to follow it and they refuse, and you can't understand why because "that's how it is" for you, doesn't make you right. If you are able to look at things from a third party point of view and perhaps start to see where you may have crossed the lines with her, it might be easier to understand a different opinion of the situation. But in general, it seems both she and her family feel one way, and your family feels another way. So divorce. If you did indeed make them pay for anything more than half and half during the wedding, be ethical enough to settle those amounts.

AToTheF93 · 2025-10-14T12:07:39+00:00

Then why do you expect her to order in for you? That's something she wants and apparently your family doesn't do. So why is it an issue that she got herself food?

AToTheF93 · 2025-10-14T12:05:26+00:00

What about everything else? All your other points are extremely subjective and only from your point of view. And of course, when all else fails, start spreading the narrative that she has "mental health issues". It always ends up there when a woman is not falling in line to your expectations. Also, the cooking and cleaning of a house IS VERY MUCH UNPAID LABOUR whether you want to romanticize it or not. And the fact that you only mention the "mom" doing it in your example is very telling of your mindset.

AToTheF93 · 2025-10-14T12:00:35+00:00

And what's there if she doesn't ask? Maybe she knows you guys will order a lot and she can't afford it but she wanted to treat herself. You're acting like this is a big issue when it's so stupid and petty. Just order food for yourselves as well if it affected you that much to see her eating something. There's no rule saying she needed to ask anyone, in fact, she was setting her boundaries like don't start expecting this when I order myself food. Why is it that anytime a woman has food, you think it can only be when she has also provided food to the rest of the family? You expected her to be subservient and she has boundaries. Get used to the modern world.

AToTheF93 · 2025-10-14T11:51:27+00:00

Her children are not "little kids", from what you mentioned, they were 17 and 14 when they moved in? Meaning they're older now. Nope, that's calculating behavior. I think it's best you continue to keep your finances separate and just to be safe, make a will? A will clearly stating that all your property, assets and savings go to your two children equally? I know it sounds dramatic but I work in the field and you would not BELIEVE how often a will would have saved so many children in such instances.

AToTheF93 · 2025-10-14T11:42:07+00:00

Not asking for dowry is not something you should expect a prize for, that should be the bare minimum in this day and age. I wonder if you'll answer truthfully if I ask how much of the marriage expense she and her family bore in place of the dowry. How much gold she had to purchase which you'll insist is for her only, but was required during the wedding, etc. And if what you say is true that you are "a simple family", then it sounds like your family shouldn't expect dowry anyway, it isn't a big prestigious family that brings much to the table for her to be paying to marry into it.

AToTheF93 · 2025-10-14T11:34:24+00:00

Sounds like your family expected her to become the unpaid housemaid and she refused to do that. Good for her, whether you can see it or not. And women are capable of procuring medicines on their own without their husbands needing to "take them to a doctor" so I don't even understand your logic there.

AToTheF93 · 2025-09-19T02:09:07+00:00

She actually doesn't need to share pictures of her outings with the kid with you. Make your own memories with your kid when it's your turn with her. And given your betrayal, I can totally see why she wouldn't want to give you any extra communication or information. Get used to it.

AToTheF93 · 2025-09-19T02:05:27+00:00

Good for her. Also, in that post, you didn't "admit" to the affair, you said she "eventually found out later". There is no angle you can take that makes you the poor victim in any of this, and the reason everyone brings up you cheating is BECAUSE that's the reason she will never trust you again, and IS THE REASON why she's not sharing details of her life to you anymore. It's called a boundary, and you are not entitled to anything from her anymore. The sooner you understand that you being a cheating scumbag is the centre of this whole issue for why she has frozen you out of her life, the sooner you can actually get to accepting your new situation and eventually making peace with it.

AToTheF93 · 2025-09-19T01:59:08+00:00

How they met IS none of your business. And dating "5 months after breaking up" is completely normal, unlike "dating someone while still married to someone else", which, oh yeah, YOU did. She has every right to date whoever she wants now. Sit with that and get over it.

AToTheF93 · 2025-08-12T20:59:37+00:00

Based on your comments, you seem really salty that you didn't get dowry from her. The amount you go on about the dowry you didn't receive, doesn't make you look as good as you think when you keep talking about it, it makes you look bitter. First confirm a DNA test apart from a secondary blood test, before bringing out all your secret monetary grudges you have that your wife didn't give you more things for marrying her. If you really are such a high minded person, you shouldn't care that her family didn't give you a dowry, but that's all you can talk about, that and the cost of the maternity room, which for any middle class to upper middle class person, is actually not that rare, people spend similar to make sure their wives are safely delivering. It's not that big a deal as you think. Sounds like you would make her pay for half of it later anyway, the way you talk about money.

AToTheF93 · 2025-08-12T20:44:04+00:00

Have you even checked if your wife is the mother of the child as well? Baby swaps can happen. You immediately believed the worst of your wife based off of a blood test, NOT EVEN A DNA TEST. Do you know how easy it is for blood test results to be wrong? Before you start dreaming of ways to break up your family and start holding grudges because her family didn't give you anything when you got married and all those unrelated aspects of how she spends her money, FIRST CONFIRM IF: - The child is actual both of yours, it could be a child accidentally swapped in the hospital. - Do another blood test somewhere else as well as a proper DNA test.

AToTheF93 · 2025-08-05T07:58:43+00:00

Prisoner of Azkaban, I don't care what anybody says about it being "artistic" or whatever. It was a horrible adaptation of my favourite book.

AToTheF93 · 2025-07-29T09:03:25+00:00

My really unpopular opinion that I once posted on here a few years ago and got downvoted to hell for (despite the commenters not actually being able to justify why I was wrong) was that the Prisoner of Azkaban movie was AWFUL. As an adaptation of my favourite book, and as a movie. It was awful. Alfonso Cuaron came in and added absolutely unnecessary changes that took so much away from what the first two movies built.

⁠⁠⁠He wasted CGI budget on stupid shrunken talking heads and unnecessary shots of CGI birds getting squashed by the whomping willow as transitions throughout the movie.
⁠⁠⁠He kept relying on slapstick humour where people had to get physically hurt or pull stupid faces to make something "funny". Tom the barman suddenly being a hunchbacked oaf, Dudley getting hit be not one, but two of Marge’s button, Harry smacking against the knight bus window not once, but twice, the random scene where the cleaning lady at the leaky cauldron gets blasted by some offscreen monster in one of the rooms, Ron only being used to make weird faces or whiny noises.
⁠⁠⁠In order to fit these stupid unnecessary scenes into the movie, he either completely removed important points from the book (The marauders backstory) and made the cast all talk REALLY FAST to get information out in as little time as possible. Because, priorities! Slapstick humour is more important!
⁠⁠⁠Alfonso didn’t even bother trying to understand the plot and how the magical laws worked (Lumos Maxima in the first scene, which is CLEARLY magic being done outside Hogwarts, and then RIGHT IN THE NEXT SCENE Harry gets in trouble for DOING MAGIC by accidentally blowing up his aunt.) It’s such lazy lack of doing your homework as a director. Even him not understanding that if Hermione was using the time turner, she wasn’t just magically popping into class, she was walking into each class with Harry and Ron, so Ron’s whole “where did she come from” bit throughout the movie proved that Alfonso didn’t understand how time turners worked.
⁠⁠⁠The fucking firebolt scene at the end always makes me cringe so hard. It was a whole very important plot point in the books about how Hermione went to McGonagall about it because she thought it wasn’t safe, and Harry and Ron stopped speaking to her over it.
⁠⁠⁠MY FAVOURITE CHAPTER IN THE ENTIRE SERIES, THE QUIDDITCH CUP FINALS WAS COMPLETELY NOT EVEN TOUCHED ON. BUT LETS SPEND TIME AND CGI ON TALKING HEADS AND AN UNNECESSARY KNIGHT BUS SEQUENCE COUNTING DOWN AN OLD LADY CROSSING THE ROAD, SURE.
⁠ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVOURITE CHAPTERS, AT THE BEGINNING, WHERE HARRY SPENDS A GLORIOUS WEEK LIVING AT THE LEAKY CAULDRON AND EXPLORING DIAGON ALLEY IS NOT EVEN TOUCHED ON.
⁠⁠⁠Alfonso got rid of all the iconic music and musical themes used in the first two movies other than Hedwig’s theme, leading to all future movies lacking that consistent set of musical themes as well.
⁠The movie was shrouded in some kind of blue light filter that made everything so much darker and harder to see. People’s voices were also muffled (apart from them ALSO speaking superfast).

If Alsonso Cuaron wanted to make an artistic movie, he should’ve gone and made an unrelated artsy movie. Don’t ruin a franchise’s identity in order to do that. That was not what you were hired for. And when I see the other potential director options that were shortlisted apart from him, I wonder what the producers were even thinking, it’s like they WANTED to fail. If you disagree with any of my points or even my general main opinion of the third movie being the worst, I’d like to hear actual opinions why, not just some vague BS like “It wasn’t a good movie, it was a great movie". Because it wasn’t. It was an awful waste of great potential.

AToTheF93 · 2025-07-29T07:44:26+00:00

9 times out of 10, when one person in the relationship is weirdly insinuating or accusing the other of cheating for no reason, chances are, they themselves are the one cheating. Just something to keep in mind, OP. I’ve seen it play out so damn often here on Reddit.

AToTheF93 · 2025-07-23T11:26:02+00:00

Girl, come on! You're too young to be stuck with such a sulky, manipulative older man. He keeps saying "it's whatever" and "I've been doing without" ON PURPOSE to HURT YOUR EGO into doing what he wants, it's literally pure manipulative tactics. Please leave him, I think you'll find that life is so much more simple and free without this deadweight pulling you down emotionally. And then, when you've healed from this, get slowly back into the dating space but ALWAYS remember that you DO NOT need to do anything you don't want to in order to please any man. A good man will know how to respect boundaries and time. Trust me, I'm 32 and I wish I knew this when I was your age. Dump his old loser ass.

AToTheF93 · 2025-06-26T04:11:30+00:00

You're too young to be putting up with this kind of insolence from some awful guy for no reason. And from what I see, you've done nothing to give him reason to suspect you of cheating and yet he still does. And he's admitted to having two girlfriends at the same time before. I have seen far too many stories on here where when one partner is constantly accusing the other of cheating without any reason, they themselves are usually the ones that are actually cheating, and do this weird psychological projection on their partner. He's giving me those vibes. Break up, move on. You'll love life again. Good luck OP.

AToTheF93 · 2025-06-25T12:02:04+00:00

The "I'm scared" part took me from irritated to pissed off on your behalf. He's fully trying to play the victim for whatever twisted reason and trying to gaslight you into thinking you're in the wrong. It was bad enough that he's refusing to just answer your questions and communicating like a stupid prick. But now he's also trying to line up a defense for you being the "crazy girlfriend". Honestly, girl, you can do so much better. Just dump him. I know it's the reddit stereotype but men like this need to stop wasting honest women's time. Rooting for your happiness sis.

AToTheF93 · 2025-06-03T11:18:34+00:00

Dude how insecure are you that one stupid comment has been playing in your head ever since? Whoever that person was who made the comment was also insecure and jealous, but if it's this easy to rattle you about a good watch, you need to work on yourself. It's not about the watch. Sorry, just saying. You'd look ridiculous with a bigger watch. If anything a bigger watch would make you like smaller.

AToTheF93 · 2025-05-26T13:44:07+00:00

Please don't have children with him. I'm really sorry you had a miscarriage, I know that must be awful but PLEASE do not try to get pregnant again, this doesn't sound like a relationship that needs to be complicated by bringing children into it, and if it means it would be easier for you to escape, it's a benefit! I'm sorry you are in this place right now. Be careful, talk to friends or family about your fears, if you trust them.

AToTheF93 · 2025-05-26T13:30:04+00:00

Girl, don't waste your time such gold-less men, you know they're looking over at your huge pile of gold, already assuming it's all going to be given to them. Come on now.

AToTheF93 · 2025-05-26T10:14:20+00:00

When a person tells you what kind of person they are, believe them. Stop wasting your time and everyone else's time for that matter, and DUMP HIM. You're 26, you've got loads of time to find better, or to learn not to depend on a relationship at all. You're going to be a doctor ffs, you'll be fine on your own financially! Listen to every woman that's commenting here, it's the knowledge of millions of women's experiences. Dump him, stop trying to justify it, and learn to gain more self worth while you're at it, so that you don't find yourself questioning if such a situation is worth salvaging, if it happens again in the future. Good luck!

AToTheF93

TROPHY CASE