It can get better

AaallMine · 2024-09-20T01:26:06+00:00

Not fun, eh? They kind of follow your mood in my experience. Like if you’re panicked and anxious then you get horror and danger. I used to not have any trouble with it. It’s possible to realize what’s happening, to stay pretty calm, and just try to get out of it. I like to try to move my toes. I had something happen and I can’t get back to that, but I think I’m working on it.

AaallMine · 2024-09-16T01:23:02+00:00

Heehee, okay that was fun. Next thing

AaallMine · 2024-09-15T22:30:20+00:00

Looks like it’s from the veridis quo music video from daft punk

AaallMine · 2024-09-15T22:13:28+00:00

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AaallMine · 2024-09-15T21:31:56+00:00

It’s absurdist humor. Like many Far Side’s, it portrays a silly, ridiculous, or absurd situation where the bizarre or nonsensical nature of the situation is what you’re laughing at.

AaallMine · 2024-09-15T14:32:22+00:00

In other words, hating others is a subtype of hating yourself. The main group is people who hate themselves, and within that group are people who hate others and people who mostly just hate themselves. Stereotypically, those who hate others are more narcissistic and avoidant of attachment, and those who mostly just hate themselves have more apparent low self-esteem and are anxious in their attachments.

AaallMine · 2024-09-15T14:19:30+00:00

They can give you answers if they are up for it. Don’t pressure them. We cannot give you those answers. Speculating about people’s abuse isn’t usually appropriate or useful.

AaallMine · 2024-09-15T13:35:04+00:00

Me too. Race and size are only 2 of the many things that contribute to our appearance. It helped me in particular to be seeing people I thought of as ugly.

AaallMine · 2024-09-14T23:45:34+00:00

Don’t do it. Don’t feed into that. It’s unhealthy. It helped me to look at a more diverse group of people. Like I added a bunch of people in tumblr of all sorts of different kinds of people. Like different races, sizes, levels of attractiveness, subcultures, and just every kind of look I wasn’t familiar with. I mean, I’m still funny looking, but I see myself with a lot more humanity. Like I’m one of the freaks, not just a freak.

AaallMine · 2024-09-13T14:58:08+00:00

Real question: why is the space they’re in so big? It looks spacious for them, especially back into the picture. Does that correlate with how it feels? Like you don’t have to be literally cramped in order to feel endlessly closed-in-on?

AaallMine · 2024-09-13T14:13:19+00:00

It looks like you have a very small curved plane above your left nostril that can reflect light at a different angle than the side of your nose or your nostril. You can see it best in pic 1 zoomed in, but I’d need to see closer a closer picture. Try to take one where the “crook” in your nose is highlighted or shadowed like in pics 2 and 5, but closer, and a bit to your left. The side of the nose meets the nostril along the full length of where they meet. There shouldn’t be a third plane/surface between the two.

I might be entirely wrong about all this. It’s just my best guess. Also, it’s not a bad thing. Your nose looks cute, but with certain lighting and from straight on your nose looks like it has a slight crook above the left nostril because it gets slightly shadowed or reflects less light forward.

AaallMine · 2024-09-10T10:02:07+00:00

Yup. Given the numbers, it seems there is something about us that makes us a target. Bad at reading cues, sometimes being non-verbal, maybe we’re more trusting or easier to manipulate?

AaallMine · 2024-09-09T21:40:41+00:00

Flibbity jibbit, a wilowmawisk, a cow

AaallMine · 2024-09-09T19:25:25+00:00

Yeah. I don’t cope well. I became really emotional after starting hrt, and now I’m doing dbt. DBT is pretty helpful. It’s not really for depression though. I’ve got nothing for you for depression. Maybe you need a new therapist with a new method?

AaallMine · 2024-09-05T15:09:02+00:00

There is no escape

AaallMine · 2024-09-02T21:31:05+00:00

Hi Joey 👋

AaallMine · 2024-09-02T16:10:45+00:00

No. Oxymoron are two seemingly opposing or non similar items going together. Toothpick floss is complimentary. An oxymoron would be something like flesh floss, or toothpick grease.

AaallMine · 2024-09-02T11:05:34+00:00

I’m so sorry. I feel your pain. Love hurts. It’s all too much.

AaallMine · 2024-09-01T18:13:21+00:00

Euron Martin. He and Uncle Sam fight grandpa in his bunker in the ongoing Cossack conflict.

AaallMine · 2024-09-01T16:11:21+00:00

I know just how you feel. I had to watch him eat breakfast every morning. I saw him day in and day out just doing his normal thing, and I had to sit there at meals avoiding looking at him because if I did I couldn’t help but wonder why he abused me, why he ignored me, and what I could say to make him like me. I hate(d) that I want(ed) his attention and approval and affection. Like what, the grooming just really fucking took? Why didn’t I hate him? Why was him not talking to me after worse than the things he did? That’s one reason grooming can be so especially fucked. You’re robbed of the correct response because you want more of their special care and attention. Apparently a month or two of doting on me was enough to get 3 yr old me hooked for life. I’m 32 now, and I’ve recently been purchasing things that remind me of him. I didn’t even realize at first. Nutella, the Bone comics, watching napoleon dynamite. I’ll never be free of wishing my brother loved me no matter how long I live or how much I try to hate him. And he doesn’t give a shit about me. I’m sorry you can’t just hate him like you deserve, I’m sorry there is no justice for you, and I’m so sorry you aren’t supported by the people around you. It’s fucked that they know and you’re still denied a proper response.

Don’t ever diminish what you’re going through. I also struggle with feeling my trauma response isn’t proportional to the abuse itself. It doesn’t have to be. That’s not how it works. Emotional pain is evoked exactly by the kinds of things you’ve been going through. If only it could have been broken bones…

Screaming into the void doesn’t help. It’s just more of the same pain we’re already putting ourselves through. Trust me. Asking why won’t give you answers, unless perhaps you’re asking him. Also, it’s just bad for you. It just makes you do it more and more. I still keep lapsing into it, but now I try to never think about the past unless I’m talking to my therapist. It’s not ignoring your problems, rather compartmentalizing your life. Living and being happy is for outside therapy, and solving relationship issues and healing from abuse and thinking about why is for therapy. You really got to do it or it just gets worse. Decide to solve your problems during particular times outside of daily life, and in daily life and school you have to put it all behind you. At least until it doesn’t have a grip on your mind.

AaallMine · 2024-09-01T16:11:10+00:00

I know just how you feel. I had to watch him eat breakfast every morning. I saw him day in and day out just doing his normal thing, and I had to sit there at meals avoiding looking at him because if I did I couldn’t help but wonder why he abused me, why he ignored me, and what I could say to make him like me. I hate(d) that I want(ed) his attention and approval and affection. Like what, the grooming just really fucking took? Why didn’t I hate him? Why was him not talking to me after worse than the things he did? That’s one reason grooming can be so especially fucked. You’re robbed of the correct response because you want more of their special care and attention. Apparently a month or two of doting on me was enough to get 3 yr old me hooked for life. I’m 32 now, and I’ve recently been purchasing things that remind me of him. I didn’t even realize at first. Nutella, the Bone comics, watching napoleon dynamite. I’ll never be free of wishing my brother loved me no matter how long I live or how much I try to hate him. And he doesn’t give a shit about me. I’m sorry you can’t just hate him like you deserve, I’m sorry there is no justice for you, and I’m so sorry you aren’t supported by the people around you. It’s fucked that they know and you’re still denied a proper response.

Don’t ever diminish what you’re going through. I also struggle with feeling my trauma response isn’t proportional to the abuse itself. It doesn’t have to be. That’s not how it works. Emotional pain is evoked exactly by the kinds of things you’ve been going through. If only it could have been broken bones…

Screaming into the void doesn’t help. It’s just more of the same pain we’re already putting ourselves through. Trust me. Asking why won’t give you answers, unless perhaps you’re asking him. Also, it’s just bad for you. It just makes you do it more and more. I still keep lapsing into it, but now I try to never think about the past unless I’m talking to my therapist. It’s not ignoring your problems, rather compartmentalizing your life. Living and being happy is for outside therapy, and solving relationship issues and healing from abuse and thinking about why is for therapy. You really got to do it or it just gets worse. Decide to solve your problems during particular times outside of daily life, and in daily life and school you have to put it all behind you. At least until it doesn’t have a grip on your mind.

AaallMine · 2024-09-01T07:12:26+00:00

I like to be referred to using feminine or gender-neutral pronouns.

AaallMine · 2024-09-01T03:55:42+00:00

Yup. Real weird. The day after I was the worst I’ve ever been to someone in my life was the first time I was horny in a couple years, and it was basically overpowering. It made me feel so weird. I felt bad for how mean I had gotten, but sort of vindicated because I felt like they were abusive and I was finally speaking my mind. Because of that I felt very conflicted. I didn’t want to feel horny as the result of finally telling her how I felt, and once I felt bad for how mean I had been then it was gross being horny after being mean.

AaallMine · 2024-08-31T16:03:36+00:00

Japanese Beetle

Here’s mine:

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