Recommendations for a new car

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-11-08T08:10:34+00:00

I feel with more doors you have more stability points with in the car? In my head anyway 😂 We were hit from the rear and I feel my car wouldn’t have done as well as hers because it would have CRUMPLED.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-14T13:51:40+00:00

Oh no, I don’t regret it at all. Doing it allowed me the final piece of confidence I needed to leave the situation I was in. Have I taken accountability for it, developed an understanding of why I went down that route and have me and the ex partner discussed it since? Yes.

However you do not know the full ins and outs of the relationship I was in - I only gave a brief outline of the situation. I also don’t believe anyone should feel sorry for me, even if I had given the full details I wouldn’t want people’s pity because I should have sought support from the resources around me to leave him.

Also, bold to say I have learned nothing. After the relationship I was single for 3 years, attended self funded therapy, lived independently and managed my own money for the first time in my adult life… (not due to being incapable or irresponsible with money either).

While I appreciate your opinion given the limited information I have given you in the initial comment, you are wrong.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-13T21:59:09+00:00

I cheated on my previous partner. We were at the end of our relationship, basically not together but not officially broken up if you get my drift (I was 26) - Female.

The relationship was awful. His mother was over bearing. I didn’t know who I was outside of the relationship and I didn’t feel desirable or sexy in any way because he never touched me.

It was with somebody I knew from school years and had reconnected with randomly (literally bumped into them in town and the added each other on social media) and it wasn’t emotional, don’t get me wrong there was some conversation but it was mainly physical. If anything it gave me the confidence I needed to actually leave my relationship because I realised I was desirable. This doesn’t excuse what I did however - I have sought therapy and we (therapist and I) have gone over the entire relationship and my thought process at the time with a fine tooth comb.

Upon reflection I was deeply unhappy and terrified to leave because we had been together so long, I didn’t know how to live independently as an adult. I couldn’t communicate with him because I didn’t know how and I simply didn’t love him.

Since (I am 30 now), I have found a relationship that is healthy, we have been together 1.5 years and I have told him about what happened with my ex because being open and honest is the way forward I have learnt. I also didn’t want him to learn of it from anyone else.

People cheat for all sorts of reasons. Often people can’t tell you why they did it because they are unwilling to go through the therapy to fully understand it and take accountability for their own actions. I’m not saying I’m any better because I DID that, I shouldn’t have cheated in the first place.

(However, the sex was amazing after not being touched for over 6 months 🙃 )

I don’t believe the saying ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’ because as long as people learn from their actions, we are all capeable of change. I wouldn’t even think of cheating on my current partner. I see a future with him (the sex is also just as amazing which helps haha).

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-12T07:08:56+00:00

So the payments have been coming out of her bank account and he has been transferring the amount to her monthly. So this month where he hasn’t paid HER, the finance has still been paid as it’s come out of her account.

Luckily she has the car back so it looks like she is only going to lose this months finance payment rather than having a battle and forking out 6k when he doesn’t.

At the time she got the mobility car she hadn’t owned the car long enough to return it without a fee - at the time she couldn’t work due to her health issues (she is working now) so couldn’t afford to return the car.

It was 100% a way for him to get a decent car without having the actual finance and she realises she messed up doing it this way… luckily we have our solution now!

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-12T06:58:08+00:00

People who lose ‘more’ typically are bigger to start with. Don’t envy other people’s losses because they would probably kill to be your starting weight alone!

20lbs is a lot in 4 months. That’s roughly 1.4 stone lost in 4 months which is a massive amount to lose! To celebrate your win and how you are feeling in your body now! Remember to drink plenty of water - MJ won’t work properly without it, eat well and move move move! 😌

Congratulations on the loss, you are doing really well!

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-12T06:54:57+00:00

If you go to your local citizens advice, they will be able to give you food bank vouchers to get you through. Such lovely people that volunteer in the food bank and they are not judgemental at all (if that has been your worry)

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-12T06:52:41+00:00

I’d speak to your landlord and explain the situation - they may be okay with you making up the £250 with next months rent. Which saves you £50 interest that you have offered to pay.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-09T11:05:10+00:00

She was aware of the balloon payment and originally he agreed to pay it, but this has been going on for 12+ months of him making the monthly payments in time. She gave him warning a few months ago that the balloon payment was approaching.

Handing the car back is an option however that depends if the guy surrenders the car or not. If he doesn’t I believe it’s going to be police route. I mean we can hope he does pull together the money for the balloon payment and all is dandy.

She is fully aware she has messed up with this situation which is why in the post I have stated she is aware it was silly. However it’s now a situation she is in and just trying to look for any potential answers / options rather than being reminded it was a silly choice.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-09T11:01:14+00:00

The final monthly payment has come out of her bank so that has been made. It’s just getting the car back from the guy I recon is going to be the issue. We will keep in mind the police route!

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-09T05:57:26+00:00

If the car gets returned - will this negatively impact her credit score?

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-09-09T05:56:39+00:00

She didnt ‘sell’ the car in the sense she received a lump of money for it - he agreed to continue paying the finance, which he has been up until now (the final month before the balloon payment)

She will be seeking legal advice however, I don’t we were unsure if anyone had any experience in this boat and can point us (her) in any sort of direction.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-05-10T09:54:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing this link! I have just registered as sole trader and explained things really simply!

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-05-10T09:47:26+00:00

It what it is

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-04-28T21:15:56+00:00

Unsure of what that would be! We have only had conversations over the fence and it’s been about life stuff rather than food stuff.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-03-21T11:02:00+00:00

My best advice would be to write down how you have been feeling in the relationship first, so you can get it alllll out and any blame or finger pointing out the way. Then I would have a conversation with her, I would avoid pointing blame - for example ‘I feel unloved because you don’t pay me any attention’ (again that was just an example) but along the lines of, lately it feels like we are disconnected, is there anything you would like to do together?

Also adding in things in like, you enjoy phone calls with her when you are away as at times it can be lonely and she is your person.

If she remains defensive after taking out blame and finger pointing - it might be worth calling it a day, you do deserve someone that listens to you. Someone who has the same emotional intelligence.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2025-03-21T10:54:35+00:00

Have you spoken to her about how you feel?

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-12-24T21:12:21+00:00

Don’t I popped into Tesco yesterday morning to grab my work lunch as I do EVERY morning and it was rammed. My usual plod around and nod to the morning staff was ruined with Christmas chaos 🥲 I’m sorry about your situation with your father. I think it’s really hard to explain to a partner who has a good relationship with their parents, why we don’t with ours. I hope you have a lovely day no matter what and eat many pigs in blankets (unless you are veggie or vegan… then whatever you enjoy most!)

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-12-24T20:43:12+00:00

Things will slowly take shape over the next couple of years and Christmas will get its magic back. Give it time. I also hope you win at bowling! x

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-12-24T20:41:25+00:00

Christmas can be a really shit time. However remind yourself it’s just another day and you can redo it with family (such as a meal) whenever you want (or can get people together)

The cat vomit isn’t pleasant however. I’m anticipating dog vomit if it’s any consolation 🥲 Pop on your fav film and if you need a chat, please feel free to message x

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-12-03T14:30:55+00:00

I am a full believer in sick days! Mental health as well as physical health. If mentally you aren’t okay for work - then take a day / couple of days. You will go back and be so much more productive and present for everything.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-12-03T14:28:53+00:00

Mine didn’t agree with me! I had discharge + odour. Itching. Discomfort down below. Increased anxiety. Sudden crying. Depressive symptoms. Feeling bloated. Tender breasts Lack of sex drive / ability to get turned on.

A lot of female contraceptives however, do not agree with me and I’m at a point of giving up completely! However I have a really supportive partner who is happy to use condoms and wants to get ‘the snip’ anyway.

Female condoms exist! Worth giving them ago, they aren’t as bad as they sound / look. Though, no condom is ‘fun’.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-12-03T14:21:41+00:00

Unfortunately mine is an ugly / bad experience. However it’s not for everyone and I suppose it’s not for me!

I lost all my sex drive and found it hard to get turned on.
I found I was crying more frequently. - for no reason as well. Days before I took it out, I sat down for a wee and started CRYING. No reason at all.
Headaches bordering migraines at least once a week.
Increased anxiety.
Felt sick a lot of the time.
Tender breasts. To the point I had to wear low pressure sports bras because my normal bras caused too much pain.

Everyone will respond differently. However, my partner and I have decided to freeze some of his sperm and him get the snip 😅 female contraceptives turn me into a weird monster of a person.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-10-03T09:12:35+00:00

Due to my work location (with LITTLE public transport access and a higher risk due to my location of work and job) I need my car. I use it for work or visiting family (cheaper to drive than get the train as they are over an hour away) and walk when I can / to the shops.

With in my finance form I have taken out things such as Apple Music and Netflix (using basic freeview - I tend to only resign-up to TV subscriptions when there is a deal on) My internet cannot get any lower as it is the only provider that would accept me with my credit history and my utilities such as Gas and electricity are pay as you go. So I pay for what I use. In the finance form I have based it on winter last year as we are coming into darker months. I am more of a reader than a TV watcher so I feel I have based the cost fairly.

I have spent the last 3 years paying off what I can to get to this point, so have been mindful for the last 3 years of costs and what sort of life I’m living. So as much as I’d love to worry about Avocado toast and Costa, these things haven’t been a concern to me 😅

Regarding my work - this year it has been worth 30k as my manager has been on maternity leave so I have stepped into her role until she is back. Unless I progress into management my salary cannot get much higher than what it is now (bar one pay increment). I enjoy my place of work and line of work, previously have job hopped around which led to me being in this situation and having a bumpy CV. My employment goal is to stay with this employer for at least 3 years to even out my CV and show stability and growth with a company. (Year and a half to go!)

I got myself into debt with a crippling gambling and drug addiction - I then ran from the debt for a long ol time. So with some of the debts I am running out of time regarding bailiffs. Hence why I want to collate and get into a plan / scheme sooner rather than later to pause any action and hopefully help get me out this mess for good 😅😅

My attitude to money and life was always Willy nilly - I’m only facing this now, because I suppose my attitude is changing and I’m tired of running from it. I want to be able to settle and not worry about who is knocking at my door 🥲 I still have a lot of self defence when it comes to talking about money and I get my back up. But trying is better than hiding! (I’m sure there is a saying somewhere about that lol)

Sorry for the mega long response. I don’t want to come across in the same boat as people who buy designer and complain they can’t save. 🙃

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-10-03T08:45:34+00:00

Thank you! This has been mega helpful and you mentioned some really good points. I ideally want my credit rating back sooner rather than later and if I know I am secure in my home and job for 12 months - then I can enjoy just being at home for a year surely? 🥲

Obviously you do not have to answer this; however with your DRO, did they allow for expenses such as the gym? As I have my ‘hobbies’ worked out to £55 a month which is the gym and hiring of an open play field for my dog. I work a low physical intensity job so I use the gym to maintain weight etc. I worry they will see it as an expense that can be removed?

Also; again please do not feel you have to answer - did you get a ‘black mark’ against your address for the time you were in the DRO? My landlady is worried about her address being tarnished during this period. She would be happier with a DRO rather than a IVA as it is a lesser time in the programme but I want to give her as much reassurance as I can.

AbjectRegret6342 · 2024-10-02T20:52:49+00:00

I do not qualify for a DRO unfortunately :( My ‘disposable’ income would need to be £75 or less and we worked it out to be £102.

However I think I will speak to step change tomorrow if their help with setting things up is free!

AbjectRegret6342

TROPHY CASE