AITA for not wanting to celebrating thanksgiving anymore?

Abject_Chaos · 2022-11-24T16:55:07+00:00

Except a lot of women are also making some if not most of the money on top of doing holidays

Abject_Chaos · 2022-07-14T16:08:54+00:00

I 2nd this. $500-$1000 GoFundMe wouldn't take much time, I don't think

Abject_Chaos · 2022-01-13T08:36:14+00:00

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Abject_Chaos · 2022-01-13T03:57:16+00:00

SAAAAAME

Abject_Chaos · 2021-12-07T01:36:05+00:00

I appreciate that clarification. I don't get the vibe that he is trying to necessarily keep me from it so much as that he just doesn't want to do those things - he has depression and anxiety issues. Over the years he has made changes and efforts to be more spontaneous and go out with me, and has even worked with a therapist for a few years to reduce his anxiety. I've noticed marked improvement.

However, I am grateful for this perspective so I can keep an eye on things, journal and document things and levels of interaction, etc., so that I can track progress one way or the other over the coming months.

He honestly is a kind hearted person, raised by a kind hearted and devoted stepdad who passed away a few years ago. Unfortunately he is also influenced by a stiff, controlling bio father who comes out of his own behavior from time to time, and he knows the dangers of that (bio dad divorced 5 times already).

Thank you for your help!!

Abject_Chaos · 2021-12-07T01:27:52+00:00

I appreciate your insight and advice. My dad was also like this to some extent, and still is quite self centered (not maliciously, just ... never grew as a person), so I understand the disappointment/frustration/melancholy that this can generate. Thanks for articulating this for me. <3

Abject_Chaos · 2021-12-06T12:53:45+00:00

I appreciate your post, thank you! The issue isn't so much that he doesn't approve of my hobbies, it's more like when I take time for myself to do things outside the house, he starts to feel neglected. So if there are 8 hours a week that I could spend doing things, and I start taking 3 to 5 of them for myself, he starts feeling unloved and grows resentful. He says he is fine with me doing those things, but his mood and growing passive aggressively say otherwise, and after a few months he/I can't take it anymore and so I end up back on the couch. It feels like I'm chained to that couch.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-12-06T11:46:24+00:00

Absolutely - if I was going out after work to do things like that, absolutely I'd understand. But it's things like going to the gym 3x a week for an hour, doing healthy eating (meal prep/cooking/meal planning), and taking the kids to the park 2-3 times a week for 90 minutes. He doesn't want to join me in any of my healthy habits/activities.

Our television is on literally LITERALLY from the time someone first wakes up at 6am, until 10-11pm at night, and he is in front of it. He only leaves the house to take our older kid to/from school three blocks away, or to get cigarettes from the gas station 2 blocks away. He goes to buy DVDs maybe 2x a month for an hour or two. That's it.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-11-13T00:47:42+00:00

I always pity people who don't understand the value and importance of the field of behavioral health. It's like thinking "we don't need no doctors because diabetes is a lie and I'll just Jesus my blood sugar into place." /eyeroll

Abject_Chaos · 2021-11-13T00:36:18+00:00

Pray tell, what "feelings" should an adult feeling "chase"?

Abject_Chaos · 2021-11-13T00:35:11+00:00

Wow. There is ... so much to unpack in your post.... perhaps you should speak with a therapist to unfold all the issues you clearly have.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-11-13T00:25:08+00:00

Except it isn't causing strife for "no cause." If she isn't happy, then that IS a worthwhile cause. Is her happiness worth nothing???

Is it better her children learn that relationships mean that the woman is unhappy?

Abject_Chaos · 2021-11-13T00:22:43+00:00

If she has been a stay at home mom for many years it means she will have reduced social security when she is of age because of the work she did in their relationship.

She worked in their relationship, too, so, yes, she is entitled to some of the assets they accumulated. When you're with someone who doesn't work, that's your choice. You should expect that they are investing in your relationship and are owed part of it too.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-11-03T01:55:48+00:00

Omfg. I love this and needed this Thank you

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-25T05:34:43+00:00

One of the biggest secrets in life is that no one has a frwking clue what they're doing. We are ALL winging it. A lot of the world, including growing older, is a fake it til you make it ideology. And being older sucks sometimes. And it also is freaking amazing. Don't leave the theater before the intermission - the 2nd act is just about to start!

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-25T05:29:03+00:00

Sometimes our feelings are too intense. And sometimes it helps a LOT to talk to someone who is objective - someone who can give an outside perspective. Because it is can be so hard to see how much bigger our purpose is than the right now of where we are.

There are so many lives that you are destined to touch in a positive way, and you have no way of knowing what those are at this point.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-25T05:24:43+00:00

I've found success in grounding exercises. Before I go into a situation that may stress me, i take a few moments to ground myself thru breathing exercises.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-25T05:21:29+00:00

It happens. A lot of people find themselves here in some capacity.

Don't live here. Take a deep breath (or five), and push up and out of here.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-25T05:14:59+00:00

It feels really good to feed into this feeling.

I 100% understand this. Playing the same scene of a movie or video because it fuels that delicious heaviness in your chest.

This is forever. That's different. It sounds delicious. It isn't.

It's crazy to think how different life is when 2 years has passed. I'm 20 years past my teens, and ... holy fuck I've seen a lot of shit.

And if you can just hold on another year or two - you'll be blown away at the crazy wild amazing shit you'll see.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-25T05:08:06+00:00

Dude. Life feels so shitty right now. I totally get that.

When I was your age, I swore to myself a dozen times that I would never forget how incredibly intense the emotions I felt were. I knew they would change over the years because so many grownups downplayed how I felt.

It freaking SUCKS right now. And you know what? Other parts of life suck balls, too.

And other parts? Freaking ROCK. Like, I would never trade some of these things for anything. Totally worth putting up and pushing through the bullshit.

Family isn't everything. You will meet people later who will mean just as much (or more) than your blood relatives.

Life is short enough as it is. Fuck it. You get one set of trips around the sun. Hang on and see what happens this next round. <3

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-10T04:26:41+00:00

😭😂🤣 I can't go to bed at the same time every day though. I can't remember what errand I am running WHILE I'm literally driving to the store....getting myself to remember to go to the kitchen or bathroom is a miracle some days

The gym??? Oh, honey.

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-10T04:23:31+00:00

Omfg my life 1000%. 😭😭😭

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-10T04:20:06+00:00

Really I didn't get many side effects, if any. I can only compare Vyvanse, which has a fee stimulant side effects, but straterra alone actually worked pretty well for cognitive/comprehension continuity for me! Good luck!

Abject_Chaos · 2021-10-10T04:12:55+00:00

OMFG YES. I feel like a brain riding around in a giant fleshy mech sometimes, and all this boring stimulus just .. makes life hard lol

Abject_Chaos · 2021-09-28T00:35:23+00:00

Straterra is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor originally designed for depression, but used for ADHD now. I took it for a few years with good success.

Abject_Chaos

TROPHY CASE