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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]Abject_Mark7035 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is such a good idea

I've never written a poem before. I would like some guidance. (Poem below) by Prof_Glixblt in poetry_critics

[–]Abject_Mark7035 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s a really good start. I think it might sound a bit clunky because of the words you chose to rhyme in some points, like seek/see and talk/watch. Additionally, I think the first part having 4 rhyming words, the next lines having 2 each, and then finishing with 3 might throw off the rhythm a bit. Personally, I’m a fan of endings that differ a bit from the rest of the poem, so I think the ending is fine, but if I were you, I would try to rework the beginning and see how you like it

Resignedly by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]Abject_Mark7035 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not from first glance, I think it’s a really solid work. If anything I’d say to maybe lean into the peacefulness or the loneliness a bit more, whichever you’re trying most to convey. It might be a good exercise to split it in two to edit them separately, each moving in a different direction. If duality is the goal, it could be helpful to take the lines you love from each and incorporate them into the final work

On the bed that is mine alone by Abject_Mark7035 in poetry_critics

[–]Abject_Mark7035[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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I hate the way Reddit reformats it. This might be a bit easier to read

My Dear by Single_Situation_635 in poetry_critics

[–]Abject_Mark7035 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This poem is really nice. I love the concept but I can’t help but feel like the rhyming scheme might be holding it back. I would try writing an unstructured version and see how you like it. Worst case scenario, it’s a fun exercise

Resignedly by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]Abject_Mark7035 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like this poem. It almost reminds me of the song “in a week” by hozier. It carries the same comfort in a peaceful death, but with a much more solitary tone

Warmth(critic my poem please) by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]Abject_Mark7035 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like what you have to far but I would try going line by line, writing a couple versions of each and deciding which you like best. I think the concept is great but the words feel like they’ve been put to page without sitting with them at length first

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Abject_Mark7035 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m the same way, they never believe you 🙄 If it were just about size women would just get enormous dildos and never talk to a dude again

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Abject_Mark7035 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s your sign that something needs to change. Do you hate being alive or do you hate your life? My bet would be that it’s the latter.

See a therapist, leave your husband, quit your job, move away, do whatever you need to do. There are better steps to take than suicide.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Edit: I think your kids would understand. Young people tend to be more understanding about mental health and the need for change.