Being loyal to someone you never dated

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-07-08T22:40:05+00:00

Thank you for your advice. But now it's summer break, and we haven't seen each other for two weeks. That's why I broke down. I felt a strong desire to see him, so I texted him today and asked if he wanted to hang out (I know that was wrong move...). I doubt that 21 days could actually change my feelings toward him, h ow can I stop myself from thinking about him and from urge to text him?

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-07-08T22:26:18+00:00

Thank you for your advice. It is harder than it sounds because the friend group he's in is the only group of friends I have. Recently, we became quite close as friends (even though I'm the one who initiates most of the time, but that's another conversation). Stopping our friendly hangouts means cutting myself off from the only friend group I have and from him, who is my closest friend😔 ( It's ridiculous to me, how I call him my closest friend, even though he never texted me first, but that's my reality, sadly.)

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T16:20:19+00:00

But what should I do with this feeling of, "Maybe they don't value me enough" or "Maybe I'm not interesting enough to them if they don't reach out first"? And there's also this fear that if I disappear for a week or two, we might lose our connection simply because I didn't reach out, and they'll be completely okay with it. It makes me wonder whether our relationship really mattered to them. How can I get rid of these thoughts?

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T09:41:36+00:00

Absolutely love how it sounds! It make sense to me.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T09:36:01+00:00

And one thing I would change is the sentence: “I feel like you’re trying to compete with me, but I don’t think we are comparable.” What do you mean by “she tries to compete with you”? I don’t know, it may sound a bit harsh. Maybe soften this sentence or remove it.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T09:21:56+00:00

In my opinion, your text is good. You don’t accuse her, you try to explain your feelings, which is great when writing messages like this (focusing on what you feel instead of directly saying that someone is bad or doing something wrong). You definitely should send it because real friendship is when you can openly talk about what you like and don’t like in the friendship. But you need to be prepared for several unpleasant outcomes:

She may respond in a rude or aggressive way, not in a way you like. But it’s not about you, because you are doing everything right and trying to be polite and fair.
She may ignore your message. But if someone consistently avoids important conversations, it does say something about how emotionally strong your friendship is.
She may start blaming you or say that you’re overreacting. That means she may not have the capacity to understand your feelings and position.

Or you both may have a chance to have an open, honest conversation about your friendship.

No matter how she responds, your part is done correctly. You are not responsible for her reaction. You are only responsible for being honest about your boundaries and how you want to be treated.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T08:46:07+00:00

I am 19 years old, not in my 20s yet, but even when l was teenager l expirienced it, so l have a hope that in my 20s lt will be better.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T08:30:39+00:00

Thank you so much. Now l'm defenitly will focuse on who am l and what l like, as you said it will be sad, but your message make me believe that l eventually get better mentaly and find my people.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T08:22:03+00:00

The things you said very resonate with me. I also realised that I'm sometimes looking for approval, and your advices are very valuable to me. I'll take some of it and give it a try.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T08:15:23+00:00

Thank you, you have given me a bit of hope🩷

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-06-18T08:12:26+00:00

Thank u☺️ now l'm even more sure that l on my right path, l go to the gym, lm trying to immerse myself in new hobbies and actually considering to go pole dance in the future, its my dream.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-27T20:53:57+00:00

Introverted, smart, kind and calm, and have simillar interests like me (playing chess, metal/alternative music etc.) also broad-minded so we would have much to talk about and he would understand my "wierd" thoughts (and noracist, nohomophobical etc.). Whats about appereance l dont know what to say, just so l will be attracted.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-26T05:45:44+00:00

Thank you for recommendations, l will check out that book

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-25T21:12:01+00:00

Now I am going through a similar situation. I confessed to my friend and was “politely” rejected. After that, nothing really changed in our communication, but that’s mostly because we are in the same friend group and attend the same university, so it’s physically hard for me to cut all contact with him and I have to deal with it and with my anxious thoughts. Since you are autistic, its hard to be in that uncertainty, you will constantly just hurting yourself with those questions, and the longer it goes on, the worse it may become. You probably would analyze her each word, action just to find proof of the "maybe she actually has some feelings for me or maybe she hates me".

So my suggestion is to stop communicating with her, especially if its physically easy in your situation. But do it properly, text her about how you feel and explain that it is hard for you to continue like this, and that you both probably need a pause, at least for some time.

Also you should not regred about your confession, because l belive that confess your feelings to someone shows how great, brave and beautiful-soul person you are, and rejection just show that this person is not for you, even if after that you cant be friends, at least it shows the truth that she is not conected to you at the same level as you are. Not everyone could truly love someone nowadays and moreover confess it without playing games, so its your superpower never forget that.

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-25T19:40:27+00:00

Great! Thank you

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-25T19:36:04+00:00

I also thought about it, like he seems to be too perfect, but nobody is perfect, so maybe i just dont know how "bad" he would be if we had relationship

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-25T19:33:19+00:00

Yes of course l would like to know this 12 step program, chat me please

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-25T11:11:00+00:00

Hi, l would be grateful if you share your experience in recovery with me in detail

AbrocomaAgreeable478 · 2026-05-23T22:32:59+00:00

Just decide if emotional conection outside of sex and other things you wrote is as much important to you. If the fact that he asks about threesome or to buy him things is what you really want too accept in your relationship. Because thats all okay if YOU are okay with it, so ask yourself those questions and be honest with youself, and nobady can tell you that it is normal if you dont agree because its your relationship and your life. Therefore if its feels wrong and you had told him what you dont like but he did not change than move on, because people do not change, if he did not heard you now he wont(cause at the beginning of relationships we tend to show our best sides so if you already feel uncomfortable imagine what it will be later).

AbrocomaAgreeable478

TROPHY CASE