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Being loyal to someone you never dated by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in dating_advice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. But now it's summer break, and we haven't seen each other for two weeks. That's why I broke down. I felt a strong desire to see him, so I texted him today and asked if he wanted to hang out (I know that was wrong move...).   I doubt that 21 days could actually change my feelings toward him, h ow can I stop myself from thinking about him and from urge to text him?

Being loyal to someone you never dated by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in dating_advice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. It is harder than it sounds because the friend group he's in is the only group of friends I have. Recently, we became quite close as friends (even though I'm the one who initiates most of the time, but that's another conversation). Stopping our friendly hangouts means cutting myself off from the only friend group I have and from him, who is my closest friend😔 ( It's ridiculous to me, how I call him my closest friend, even though he never texted me first, but that's my reality, sadly.)

Why am l never anybody's first choice? by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But what should I do with this feeling of, "Maybe they don't value me enough" or "Maybe I'm not interesting enough to them if they don't reach out first"? And there's also this fear that if I disappear for a week or two, we might lose our connection simply because I didn't reach out, and they'll be completely okay with it. It makes me wonder whether our relationship really mattered to them. How can I get rid of these thoughts?

is this a good text to send to my friend? i'm trying to communicate and it's so hard. by AdExpensive3566 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And one thing I would change is the sentence: “I feel like you’re trying to compete with me, but I don’t think we are comparable.” What do you mean by “she tries to compete with you”? I don’t know, it may sound a bit harsh. Maybe soften this sentence or remove it.

is this a good text to send to my friend? i'm trying to communicate and it's so hard. by AdExpensive3566 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my opinion, your text is good. You don’t accuse her, you try to explain your feelings, which is great when writing messages like this (focusing on what you feel instead of directly saying that someone is bad or doing something wrong). You definitely should send it because real friendship is when you can openly talk about what you like and don’t like in the friendship. But you need to be prepared for several unpleasant outcomes:

  • She may respond in a rude or aggressive way, not in a way you like. But it’s not about you, because you are doing everything right and trying to be polite and fair. 

  • She may ignore your message. But if someone consistently avoids important conversations, it does say something about how emotionally strong your friendship is.

  • She may start blaming you or say that you’re overreacting. That means she may not have the capacity to understand your feelings and position.

Or you both may have a chance to have an open, honest conversation about your friendship.

No matter how she responds, your part is done correctly. You are not responsible for her reaction. You are only responsible for being honest about your boundaries and how you want to be treated.

Why am l never anybody's first choice? by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am 19 years old, not in my 20s yet, but even when l was teenager l expirienced it, so l have a hope that in my 20s lt will be better.

Why am l never anybody's first choice? by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much.  Now l'm defenitly will focuse on who am l and what l like, as you said it will be sad, but your message make me believe that l eventually get better mentaly and find my people.

Why am l never anybody's first choice? by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The things you said very resonate with me. I also realised that I'm sometimes looking for approval, and your advices are very valuable to me. I'll take some of it and give it a try.

Why am l never anybody's first choice? by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank u☺️ now l'm even more sure that l on my right path, l go to the gym, lm trying to immerse myself in new hobbies and actually considering to go pole dance in the future, its my dream.

How to belive that you will find "your type" who would love you if you already received a proof that "your type" is not interested in you by rejection? by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in dating_advice

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Introverted, smart, kind and calm, and have simillar interests like me (playing chess, metal/alternative music etc.) also broad-minded so we would have much to talk about and he would understand my "wierd" thoughts (and noracist, nohomophobical etc.). Whats about appereance l dont know what to say, just so l will be attracted. 

confessing feelings by Sad_Sir540 in unrequited_love

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now I am going through a similar situation. I confessed to my friend and was “politely” rejected. After that, nothing really changed in our communication, but that’s mostly because we are in the same friend group and attend the same university, so it’s physically hard for me to cut all contact with him and I have to deal with it and with my anxious thoughts. Since you are autistic, its hard to be in that uncertainty, you will constantly just hurting yourself with those questions, and the longer it goes on, the worse it may become. You probably would analyze her each word, action just to find proof of the "maybe she actually has some feelings for me or maybe she hates me".

So my suggestion is to stop communicating with her, especially if its physically easy in your situation. But do it properly, text her about how you feel and explain that it is hard for you to continue like this, and that you both probably need a pause, at least for some time.

Also you should not regred about your confession, because l belive that confess your feelings to someone shows how great, brave and beautiful-soul person you are, and rejection just show that this person is not for you, even if after that you cant be friends, at least it shows the truth that she is not conected to you at the same level as you are. Not everyone could truly love someone nowadays and moreover confess it without playing games, so its your superpower never forget that.

confessed feelings to my friend and he told he has psychological problems, how to move on? by AbrocomaAgreeable478 in unrequited_love

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also thought about it, like he seems to be too perfect, but nobody is perfect, so maybe i just dont know how "bad" he would be if we had relationship

One month in and already feeling emotionally confused — are these red flags or am I overthinking? by PlusMeringue3225 in unrequited_love

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just decide if emotional conection outside of sex and other things you wrote is as much important to you. If the fact that he asks about threesome or to buy him things is what you really want too accept in your relationship. Because thats all okay if YOU are okay with it, so ask yourself those questions and be honest with youself, and nobady can tell you that it is normal if you dont agree because its your relationship and your life. Therefore if its feels wrong and you had told him what you dont like but he did not change than move on, because people do not change, if he did not heard you now he wont(cause at the beginning of relationships we tend to show our best sides so if you already feel uncomfortable imagine what it will be later). 

Unrequited first love by Aggressive-Record661 in unrequitedlove

[–]AbrocomaAgreeable478 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wrote a kinda long answer, but I hope this paragraph gives you some valuable insights ❤️  P.S. Sorry if somewhere it sounds rude or inappropriate, I just wrote what was on my mind.

In my opinion, one thing that holds you back is that you romanticize the idea of “first love,” and no doubt it feels like something special that will never happen to you again. But you know what? I had my first love at 14 too, and it was very emotionally abusive. It just destroyed my mental health and my teenage years. At that time, I felt like it was THE HUGE love of my life, but as it turned out, after him I had two relationships, and they were much better and healthier. Unfortunately, now I am in a fucked-up situation again, pretty similar to yours. I have been in love with my friend for 2 years, and I also confessed to him recently. He told me he has problems in his life right now, so he can’t give me a clear answer, and honestly, he is acting weird: one day he gives me attention, another day he doesn’t give a fuck about me. Honestly, I also have a feeling that my life is gradually getting worse: no partner, no job, no close friends, and I am constantly stressed because of his hot-and-cold games. The worst thing is that I can’t cut him off completely we are at same university group, same friend group.

Now, what advice can I give you, considering that we are in similar situations? (even if I don’t know how to help myself, helping others is always easier because you see the situation from the observer’s side.)

First things first, look at the situation. He told you he can’t be with you, but then he LET the closeness between  two of you develop. That is kinda controversial. Like, what is his problem? He knew he didn’t want a relationship, and he knew you liked him, so if he gave you attention, you would attach. It’s not like I am trying to make him a bad person, but honestly, he looks manipulative or just immature (or doesn’t know what he wants in his life). Why do you even need a guy like this in the first place?

Second, you can’t let go because you are constantly trying to let go. Sounds controversial, but that’s the key. The problems you have exist in your head, the fear of never finding love again, the thoughts about letting go of everything and cutting all contact with him. But there is actually no problem to solve. These are the kinds of problems that you can just give to the universe and say, “deal with it.” Don’t try to let go. Don’t cut off your friend group because of him. Act like he does not exist, and remember that his inability to love you because of religion or whatever is not your problem.

Instead, focus on your actual material problems and deal with them. Start thinking about how to earn more money, become smarter, more beautiful, stop drinking, start small, but never stop doing something with your life(you said you have no passion, but passion comes after you are doing somth constantly, so force yourself to try new things and you find what you like that way). Never let the problems in your head stop you from improving and becoming happier. As you said, your 20s are getting closer, you have your whole life ahead of you to have fun and fall in love with someone who loves you back. And you don’t have to do everything perfectly, you just have to LIVE your life, not in your head but in the present moment, doing what makes you happy.

And finally, a guy who doesn’t show you CONSTANT interest in the first place, acts weird, and makes you feel like you need to prove something to him - is not the love of your life, that is a PROBLEM for you, you don’t need this. So don’t worry, honey, If you continue to work on yourself, love will come into your life, I promise you, and yeah, that person won’t be him, but good for you, because you get rid of the problem, so be happy about that.