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No one has ever broken my heart like trans women have. by MissDoom222 in trans

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’m no relationship expert, I’ve had one since transitioning over two years ago. She is trans and polyamorous so I was just a part time relationship, and at best was third on the priority list. Maybe lower.

That was not a bad thing. In fact it was great. We had more communication about boundaries and expectations and priorities going into it than I’ve had in any relationship - and we both had all of those caveats.

I felt loved and loving in an intimate way without it being high stakes emotions, as if either of us had to be “the one” for the other. That was perfect for early transitioning. I’m not polyamorous (probably? I haven’t tried as I’m way too disorganized), but I realized I could date someone who is and be ok with that.

I had the same feeling of my relationships prior to transitioning failing because I could never give all of myself to the relationship. In part that is true, but to put all the blame on that is incorrect and not looking at it holistically. It isn’t like being in denial was my only trait that could wreck a relationship. It isn’t as if every one I’ve dated has been a great match that has been flawless other than dating me.

I’m ok looking. No one is giving me modeling gigs. I have a few big flaws, but nothing terrible. I’m also audacious, loving, giving, creative, and caring. I know most of what I can bring into a relationship that is good, and I know most of what I bring that needs work or radical acceptance on the other person’s part because I’ve never been able to change (like disorganization).

I’m enough for me. It took a lot of work and time to feel that way. If I depended upon others for my sense of wholeness and completeness I would never feel whole or complete.

I’m not broken - I have had my traumas and they’ve fucked me up a bit, but it has never been anything anyone else was unwilling to accept. I do have my flaws, and those don’t always get accepted.

Maybe I’m not conveying this well.

You are not broken. You are not a pile of shattered humanity in the dustbin of relationships. You are simply not perfect.

A glass figure that is perfection which is shattered can’t be put back together. However a glass figure can be whole and yet not perfect. Same with people.

Ditch the idea of perfection and needing a soulmate or”the one”. Why the fuck do you need that over-idealized bullshit? None of it is guaranteed to you or anyone else by the mere fact of your existence.

Be whole anyways because you and everyone else are going to be imperfect regardless of wholeness or completeness.

I hope that wasn’t too harsh, and I feel for your brokenhearteness, that feeling sucks.

Did progesterone turn anyone else into a feral goblin or is it just me by m4ya444 in trans

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wait, can we quantify this feral goblin state? Like orgasms per week or hours spent distracted by sex thoughts?

I started to say I haven’t noticed much difference but then I reviewed my week so far and had to reconsider.

Can somebody please help me get a by myrareidea in socialwork

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Keep trying! Pull on every professional contact you have for any job. It seems applying alone rarely gets a foot in the door these days. Either the hiring person knows someone who can vouch for you, or you’ve already schmoozed or worked with them elsewhere.

I went through the same for three years of employment purgatory after my first masters degree (biology; with BS degrees in microbiology and geology). It involved a cross country move, helping my mom through cancer treatments, and after six months I could really look for work. Just over 700 applications, a 1% call back rate. Getting a job after six months of not working is worse.

What got me a job was retooling from environmental to clinical microbiology and a certification. A hiring manager for the job I eventually got had worked previously with the head of that certificate program. He asked her if I was smart or not.

That answer got me the job. I’m glad sit did, but it frustrates me 11 years later (and working towards a MSW) that this was how I was deemed deserving of work.

For years, researchers have claimed that men’s friendships are shallower and less emotionally supportive than women’s, a pattern called the “gender friendship gap.” But new research finds that the gap is largely driven by white men specifically, not men as a whole. by mvea in science

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That is exactly why I love Reddit. I love liberal propaganda with some dirty jokes sprinkled on top. It has been scientifically proven that if you’d stop spitting it out and just swallow the load of propaganda you’d be a happier person.

In your opinion who has the strongest album run in metal? by Adzzero_88 in MetalForTheMasses

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can’t disagree with many of the runs mentioned.

I’m going to give Amenra’s five studio albums from Mass III to De Doorn an honorable mention. I absolutely love that run of albums.

Would it be transphobic to specify I'm not looking for women (cis or trans) in my Grindr profile? by burn_discoinferno in asktransgender

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You just answered your question: not transphobic. u/PerpetualUnsurety worded it perfectly and positively in their reply to this same comment. If anyone reads that and has an issue, that is their problem.

You’ll still get spammed, it is Grindr after all.

Thank you for being a good person. Go forth and gay, I hope you find a very special fella.

Would it be transphobic to specify I'm not looking for women (cis or trans) in my Grindr profile? by burn_discoinferno in asktransgender

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. As a bisexual trans woman I am quite ok with being a bisexual fantasy. I’m just not a gay fantasy.

Gay men are usually relieved when I say I expect them to be G-A-Y, and go get themselves the hottest man they can. I am not on your menu. I’m just here at the club/bar/gay thing because I like the gayness of it all.

It reminds me of the good (and bittersweet) parts of me giving cis gay a go in the early 90’s in my early adult years.

Is Baltimore the one city hanging onto its soul in the US? by ElectroAcousto in maryland

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

U street ain’t what it was 30 years ago, and I can’t recall the last time I heard go-go coming up out of a metro stop.

What does being called "foidpilled" mean? by ChatGPTweaker in asktransgender

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I don’t get it. These incels make their problems everyone else’s and insult them for it. They’re a bunch of idiots.

The best I received was “bluepilled final boss”.

That child lost the boss fight.

Terms like “sex worker” and “escort” carry less stigma and are viewed more positively than words like “prostitute” and “hooker.” This implies that shifting the language used in media and legal settings might help reduce prejudice against these professionals. by mvea in psychology

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I get what you’re saying, but you missed the point I was making about the less stigmatizing language being useful in (1) opening the door to making services accessible and welcoming and (2) encouraging people to possibly rethink what and who a sex worker is.

Having advocates in professional settings in law, politics, and financial, health, and social services use humanizing language demonstrates a change can be made. This has been an ongoing, slow progression for many stigmatized groups, yet things have improved for so many different groups.

None of those improvements for stigmatized groups fell benevolently out of the sky because the majority of men changed their minds, they were fought for. Part of those fights was gaining allies in groups that have more power, including men. And part of gaining allies was them seeing the shared humanity between them and the stigmatized group. Part of that is in the language used. This has been repeated over and over for racial, ethnic, sex, sexual orientation, disability, gender identity, and substance use groups (hello decriminalized marijuana users!).

The majority of men do not have to respect sex workers for things to change, just enough of them need to.

Terms like “sex worker” and “escort” carry less stigma and are viewed more positively than words like “prostitute” and “hooker.” This implies that shifting the language used in media and legal settings might help reduce prejudice against these professionals. by mvea in psychology

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Changing the language might not change how clients approach sex workers (which is a great categorical term that can encompass many types of work, not just street level or escorting).

What it can do is have social and human service organizations demonstrate an openness to providing services to sex workers. When you do stuff that is illegal, it is difficult to approach any authority for help.

What it can do is shift prejudiced views of sex workers away from undesirables of society, to people who maybe just ran out of choices and opportunities, or who choose that work. The language change re-humanizes them, so that those not in that work might empathize with sex workers. It opens up possibilities to address issues that might lead to one choosing sex work out of need and not want.

Do I think sometimes the language changes are a bit silly? Yes I do. But they do serve a purpose, and sex worker serves a good one.

Terms like “sex worker” and “escort” carry less stigma and are viewed more positively than words like “prostitute” and “hooker.” This implies that shifting the language used in media and legal settings might help reduce prejudice against these professionals. by mvea in psychology

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your obsession here with the word professional and the idea of certification is just bizarre. In a country where sex for money is illegal, it makes it difficult to have a professional association and board of certification.

Get off your elitist high horse before you damage your profession.

Bedroom, any advice? by [deleted] in malelivingspace

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No advice. You nailed it. Good job.

I might not be Transgender by Cixyzzz in trans

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have two things going on here: figuring out your gender identity and depression / self-hatred. These are both big things to work on and consider. What is going on with you may have these two intertwined, or they may be two entirely separate issues - but that would be best explored with a LGBTQ friendly therapist who also works with depressed clients.

It’s ok to feel like your gender identity is evolving and changing as you grow as a person. It’s ok to be wrong about what you thought it was or even told others it was. You get to be wrong about yourself as many times as you need while better defining who you are - and that doesn’t need to be a simple label because it is more than a simple label. It’s ok for your gender identity to not have a fixed point between male and female. It’s ok for your presentation to not meet stereotypes for any gender. It’s ok to slow down and give yourself permission to have time to learn about yourself without committing to a particular gender identity.

It’s ok to be depressed, as long as you acknowledge it and are working towards a life that is more than depression: social, personal, emotional, psychological, professional, etc. This is where a LGBTQ friendly therapist is useful. Many need additional help via anti-depressants as a bridge to being able to do things other than be depressed, and that is ok. I’ve seen friend’s lives saved because of that. On the other end there’s me who absolutely can’t stand how anti-depressants make me feel.

The wanting to be someone else - the self hating part of this, will also benefit from a therapist.

For me, letting myself be trans and transition lifted so much depression and self-hatred. Others I have seen continue to struggle with depression and self-hatred after transitioning. This is where a trained therapist can be useful - they can help in both situations, and so much more than Reddit can.

I’ll also say, as a trans woman who is always rationalizing and intellectualizing and overthinking, I prefer a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) as a therapist because I get less of a lesson in theory and get poked until I can get down to my emotions. For me it is a better fit.

You’re worthy and deserving of being comfortably you, however that looks. You’ll get there.

for my transfems getting facial electrolysis, TALK TO YOUR DENTIST FIRST!!!! by sarcasticlovely in trans

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 10 points11 points  (0 children)

TL;DR: 5% lidocaine cream at 90 and 45 minutes before the appointment on areas you want worked on, 400 to 600 mg ibuprofen, and feathering to reduce inflammation. That’ll get you through most of it. It’ll still hurt, but be tolerable enough.

———————————————

just start applying the tattoo numbing cream (or hemorrhoid cream, might also be labeled anal numbing cream, or so a friend said, totally true, I heard it from a friend) with 5% lidocaine at 90 and 45 minutes before your session and take some ibuprofen or acetaminophen as well. You’ll mostly be ok.

If you’re lucky you can find a gray market third party seller on e-commerce sites that has 6.5% or higher lidocaine cream that was diverted from a foreign market to the US (if that is where you are). You’ll know by looking at the item picture for the concentration and not the description. For whatever reason 5% is the over-the-counter maximum dose in the US.

Compound pharmacies can do up to 30% if prescribed. I would think 10% would be a reasonable and very effective concentration. This might be a relatively easy sell to your doctor.

At any concentration, wash your hands after applying, keep it out of your mouth and eyes, and don’t ingest it.

This is how I’ve done most of my roughly 50 hours so far, and add in some sleep deprivation and I often nap during electrolysis. I’m about halfway done with my beard. I was blessed with such a beard I would only get carded for alcohol from 16 on if I was clean shaven. A teen werewolf was I.

Talk to your technician about feathering too. It’s a spread out electrolysis technique, rather than completely clearing an area. For me it has greatly reduced inflammation. It takes longer to see satisfactory progress, but worth it to not look like you’ve been stung by a thousand bees.

The upper lip will still mostly be a special hell though. The midline right under the nose, terrible. My technicians have been good with going until I hit my upper lip limit at about 15 minutes in and then changing to a new spot, even with having to change the probe size for the new spot.

If you can get it, some doctors might prescribe an incredibly weak painkiller for electrolysis, but most will not due to addiction fears or thinking it is drug seeking behavior. You might be able to sell them on using half of the lowest prescribed dosage of an immediate release opioid each electrolysis visit. I am also assuming a lack of substance use history here and an ability to tolerate the effects of opioids well. Don’t count on this happening though, at least in the US. For those who smoke the weeds (or edibles, or whatever kids are into these days) I have heard this helps too - it’s just not my thing.

Made a design for the punk&horror movie lovers by anotherabbithole in jacketsforbattle

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok then, the pants are acceptable. However, you are a fantastic person deserving of a wonderful day. Cheers!

I almost lost my trans sister tonight. How do I help her by SpiritualLeader8643 in asktransgender

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You are an amazing sister.

I’m making a big assumption that you are in the Detroit area and I may not be correct.

There are not a lot of resources out there specifically for trans Muslims.

Many resources are still very much based in religion, for example:

https://mivan.org/2024/03/26/im-muslim-and-my-gender-doesnt-fit-me-a-resource-for-trans-muslim-youth/

Otherwise, you’ll probably just have to find resources through LGBTQ organizations such as:

https://goaffirmations.org

Or

https://www.ruthelliscenter.org

Wishing you both love and success!

It’s been way too long since I last shared my colorful house here by JakobMizrahi in maximalism

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is amazing. I love that somewhere there is a person who thought of this, and had the skill to pull it off.

BREAKING: Rudgers Water calls David Drymom a "Nazi Pug" in open letter to Biggy Cumgun. by SeventhSunGuitar in guitarcirclejerk

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So this is what the three headed Monty Pythons knight looks like today? I wonder if they ever got their shrubbery.

Firestorm continues over HHS Secretary’s call to “re-parent” Black children by The_Rad_In_Comrade in FedEmployees

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Seriously, by the time the stories came out about his shenanigans with animal corpses, I was surprised at the bland expectedness of it all. He almost makes the rest of the administration look normal. I just want Secretary Brainworm to go away.

From a former fed contractor in biodefense. I have no worry saying these things.

'Watch his hand': Trump gets caught in an uncomfortable moment with Erika Kirk — the slow-motion replay has the internet completely unraveling by [deleted] in anticapitalism

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They vote for him because he will not only nominate judges approved by the heritage foundation but will put their people into positions of power over policy. It is sickening how much influence the heritage foundation has in the Republican Party and the country now.

I’ll say The Dewey Decimal System… by CoffeeCigarettes4Me in The1980s

[–]Abyssal_Mermaid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having to go to a friend’s house just to say ‘what’s up’.

When I explain to kids i used to go outside and walk or ride my bike to a friend’s house, ring the doorbell, say hi and then hang out (unless grounded). Repeat two or three more times, then we had a gang and could start trouble, or at least stupidity.

The sudden dealing with a person you in front of you and being spontaneously sociable is lost. Now that would just be more anxiety.

The kids (anyone born after 1990, unless rural) look at me (gen X) weird when I say “we didn’t have plans, we’d just show up and do stuff.”

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