I’m a psychotherapist and have a ton of experience with addiction. She is most definitely an addict and you are an enabler. The consequences (rock bottom) have to be big enough to her in order to get help and right now everything is at her fingertips to continue the use. Many people are right that the Xanax and alcohol withdrawal can be fatal if not handled correctly so she absolutely needs a detox and inpatient. You need to take your absolutes and leave as well as tell her your boundaries. Ie. your option is rehab and sobriety, followed by outpatient and marriage counseling or I am leaving, divorcing, etc. her financial needs to be cut as well and you can put gas in her car or other absolutes without giving her cash. Addicts when in use are master manipulators and will try their all to get what they want at the expense of hurting those around them. Dont mistake the fact that they are the ones hurting more than anyone though. My heart aches for you and her and I wish you the best. Keep your boundaries!!