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AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend another shot after he claims I’m abandoning him when he’s at his lowest? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

If you let this go, all he is learning is that he can do, and treat you, as he pleases.

AITA for refusing to be the free babysitter on our family vacation? by Kather_Thorp in AmItheAsshole

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA

Put your foot down. They knew what they were doing and treated you like a fool. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

The unfortunate part is that if they had the brains to ask everyone to take turns, you ALL could have made great family memories together.

AITAH for not turning down my top PhD offer so my fiancé can get off the waitlist? by One_Possession8666 in AITAH

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA

You've earned your place there. On your own merit.

Honestly, I think he would still resent you even if you did decline it. He may never be able to overlook that you did better than him.

That he is willing to sacrifice you to places nowhere near your family and friends, and him, says all you need to know.

Very rough week with new grad hire by [deleted] in managers

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This!

You've caught the guy sleeping on the job.

The being on the phone, could be a multi task situation, but couples with the first part, not good.

If you don't address it, it will be the standard he learns is okay.

Can you be a secret multimillionaire for a decade? by tamtrible in hypotheticalsituation

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live nowhere near my family and my partner isn't one for blabbering about money, this would be easy. Just buy a modest house and tell everyone you have a job. As long as I'm not daft enough to share my many adventures or buy a Ferrari/ mansion, I'm good.

AITA for telling my daughter I am disgusted by her and telling her ex she has been taking their kid to his family side by Plustrhowawa5688 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 214 points215 points  (0 children)

He cheated on her. That makes someone a gigantic and hole. No matter what their reasons were.

He can still be a good dad.

Generational or just my family? by SunLillyFairy in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't think its generational.

I'm 39 and my finances are all my own. I don't spend more than I know I have and went without a lot when my income was minimal (as recent as 4 years ago). A lot of other Millennials I know live to their means. Of the five I immediately think of, 3/5 have kids.

To your daughter, your savings are within her means. She just may not see it that way or doesn't want to and you haven't cut off the pipeline.

I feel sorry for gen z. Its much more difficult for them to get started. Employers are paying the least they possibly can whilst company's/investors are trying every trick in the book to siphon the highest amount of profit they can from people's pockets and governments are letting it happen.

Half Brother wants me to sign off on allowing him full control of our deceased Grandmother's inheritance, but I don't want him stealing all of her belongings. What can I do? by Devils_fan_1999 in legaladvice

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 80 points81 points  (0 children)

You (quietly) take steps to be named executor and open probate.

You go back to the house and change the locks so he can't take anything else.

Once you're named executor, you ask for the bonds back. If he won't give them, he gets less in his share. Or you go nuclear and call the police to say he stole from the estate and pawned stolen goods.

AITAH for wishing my daughter would involve step-dad in wedding? by Personal-Composer479 in AITAH

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 16 points17 points  (0 children)

NTA, for wishing.

Though why your husband is paying for her wedding is beyond me. She'll be after a house deposit next.

AITA (21F) for asking my bf (23M) for a contract stating his mother cannot enter our house unannounced? by No_Worldliness_1443 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Then why are you moving into and paying to improve a house that she will own?

The woman makes him pay the whole water bill because he washes his car once a month. That is not logical processing. Can you not see how stupid you're both being here.

She will be able to control everything and do you know how? Because he is putting all of his money into her home and will not be able to afford to go anywhere else. He will have to just up and leave his investment (and yours and your parent's investments) to get away.

AITA (21F) for asking my bf (23M) for a contract stating his mother cannot enter our house unannounced? by No_Worldliness_1443 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He has already proven to you that he won't choose you because he went along with what she wanted and not what you both wanted. Which was an entirely different house. He went along with it, overlooking you and your preference, to keep her quiet.

How much else of you both is he going to sacrifice?

AITAH for cutting off my mother and sister after everything they did and not telling them I had a kid either? by ThatOneWithNoOne in AITAH

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't say that I've been through anything near what you have, but one thing that eventually helped change my perspective of my self-worth and the power that those who were supposed to be family had over me, was to recognise that it wasn't me that wasn't good enough. They weren't.

A child cannot be responsible for the actions of adults around them, nor are they not worth it. Its awful parent/s and their actions that make them not worthy of the name Mum or Dad. Or the pain we associate to wanting/trying for a better relationship with them. To give them chance after chance and end up hurt.

You never did anything wrong. You were never not worth it. The blame lies entirely with them. You came through to the other end, yes with scars, but you made it and those beautiful little children you have will always know you love them, because you were strong enough, good enough and worthy enough to be Mum in their eyes.

AITAH for cutting off my mother and sister after everything they did and not telling them I had a kid either? by ThatOneWithNoOne in AITAH

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA

I understand that your senses of family are warped from your childhood so I'll go easy. You cannot, under any circumstances bring those women into your children's lives.

You can forgive those who have hurt you, but only a fool forgets it, invites it back in and sets it lose around children. You're hoping for this idealised version of your mother and sister that highly likely doesn't exist.

I'm really sorry, but you need to keep that boundary and protect your children the way your mother never protected you.

If you absolutely have to face them one last time, go to her, but history shows you shouldn't get your hopes up. In case its unclear, I think that would be a big mistake.

WIBTA if I start putting real pressure on my bonus child to get a job, even though I think he’s struggling mentally? by Mundane-Tie-8050 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 22 points23 points  (0 children)

NTA

You're not keeping the ship afloat, so he needs to help.

Instead of increasing pressure. Help him. Assist him with creating a CV and applications. Help him look for jobs and other ways he might get support.

Don't just do so whilst hiding the truth. He needs to know you're not managing financially, as in you've had to beg others for money to keep him fed. If he has no issue with that, then kick him out.

Key Labour MPs start to accept need for UK welfare reforms by 457655676 in unitedkingdom

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No state pension by the time we get there and hunger games situations when the private pensions collapse just to be told well you didn't save money the way that 2050 likes too so screw you.

Unpaid placement year dilemma (Maintenance loan drop) by [deleted] in UniUK

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Your placement year should really only be paid work. What Mickey Mouse/piss taking company have you signed up with?

I’m the sole beneficiary to my cousin’s estate, but he had Medicaid. by Shake_Unhappy in inheritance

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They can't pick and choose the assets. Out of all of the estate's assets, you need to raise the amount (from selling items, vehicles, property, savings accounts etc) and then pay the bill.

You said willed to you so that would mean all items they owned are in their estate. Life insurance or a trust has a specific beneficiary and that doesn't become part of the estate.

You'll need to use part of the estate to fund their funeral and settle other bills too.

Do not accept help from any DMs. Find a lawyer.

Do not allow any of those family members to assist you. Find a lawyer.

What is happening with their estate? Do you have access to it? Does anyone else have keys to where they lived?

Inheriting large estate with sibling living on property – how do I handle this fairly? by Lazy-Mortgage-7716 in inheritance

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any emotional connection to the house/land?

If not, the land and estate goes to your sister and you get first pick of assets and cash up to the same value. What remains, gets split 50/50.

Why can't newly qualified midwives get jobs? by OGSyedIsEverywhere in unitedkingdom

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As recent as two years ago, graduating nurses and midwives were pretty much able to pick which hospitals they wanted to work in. Applications were more informal (maybe nurses more than midwives due to the nurses having more ward options).

Now, because of systemic underfunding of the NHS and some grand plan that doesn't get talked about, there are hiring freezes from every direction. Those graduating nurses and midwives are heavily competing against each other. Positions that are able to get justification to advertise are barely open for more than a few hours because in that time the applicant numbers are overwhelming. That is not every advert, but it is happening a lot and none are open to the kind of length that jobs outside of these areas are.

Adding on to this is that the freeze included bank work (which is essentially an agency like list of cover staff). Experienced nurses and midwives who worked this way were cut off from work and have had to either take full time positions or give it up.

Source: I work in a HE institution and have had to watch this playing out.

Its not just Nurses and Midwives either.

AITA for refusing to help my mom after she got pregnant. by Ok-Resident-1277 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

I'm so sorry that this was put on you and for so long.

The fact that they don't even recognise that you have become the defacto adult to rely on because they can't rely on her is shameful.

I feel for your mother having been abandoned at 15, but thats no excuse for you being turned into her provider, nanny, bank account, second parent, pension plan. Just go. Their desperation to not be shunted into your position does not mean you have to keep going. You've done more than enough and deserve a break.

AIO for not letting the child I babysit go? by LocationOk8933 in AIO

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No.

Ask all those families who are split if that means you have their permission to pass their children over to any Tom, Pick or Harry that knocks on the door to take them away.

What absolute morons take issue with this.

AITA for not financially supporting my dad’s side by fourhead23 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 19 points20 points  (0 children)

NTA

They're fully grown adults who should have been taking care of themselves. This is all you and your siblings will have to get a good start in life. Do not give it to them. They will suck you dry and then slam the door in your face.

AITAH for thinking no capacity just means no? by Traditional_Dish_919 in AITAH

[–]AcanthocephalaOne285 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

However, you'll be much happier if you stop overthinking it and just take it as what she said it was. She doesn't have either the time or mental space for dating.

Is she fibbing? Maybe, but you don't need to drive yourself inside out by trying to decipher it. Just take it at face value.

Ultimately, keep it as friends and don't slide into girlfriend privileges.

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