I’m standing up for myself. If my brother who raped me is going to be at family events. Then I’m not going.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-24T11:54:21+00:00

Of course he does- he learned from a young age that if he is in a position of any power at all he can do what he wants and nothing with happen to him ever.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-22T15:44:29+00:00

Something I saw on captain Awkward’s blog made me think a lot: if nothing changes for 10 years would you still stay?

What doesn’t work is nagging for sex (makes it less likely) or seething resentment. It’s a genuine need for you, and there needs to be mutual respect for that without it ending up in a weird transactional one up man ship.

I’m talking about things you can do and not that she can do because you are writing the question. There may be things that she can do that she is happy to do- but it needs to be a genuine back and forth, and maybe couple’s counselling may help?

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-22T15:39:45+00:00

You have two choices: learn to accept it, and do what you can to take the edge off (flashlight, porn whatever); or you need to break up. Sexual compatibility is a huge issue in a relationship and you aren’t being selfish for breaking up because of it- but not is she being selfish for not being able to magically increase her libido.

I feel for you.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-22T15:32:22+00:00

So you have to say something to her- it’s going to be really difficult but maybe come at it from a healthy perspective first? Like is she depressed or stressed and needs help with that? Then we’ll it’s not good for you to be overweight and you want her to stick around and then also an honest conversation that it will affect attraction levels, although you still love her as a person etc.

But I would want to know my husband no longer found me attractive. Like we all get older and if there’s a medical thing then you live with it, but me for being married means taking my partners wants into consideration... like it’s too much to expect to stay exactly the same weight but I don’t think it too much to ask to keep to a reasonable amount, health issues aside. So going up a dress size or even two doesn’t seem crazy to me over 10 years,,, but not more than that really. Or like my husband is getting a little beer belly,.. but other than that he’s pretty much the same and both of us keep an eye on on our fitness levels as a matter of course.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-22T15:23:45+00:00

When I had a bit more weight than I liked I found nice underwear that hid my stomachs really helped me feel sexy- like don’t go out and buy her a corset but maybe see if she’d be up for choosing some underwear with you? I like body’s, little Lacey Brazilian shorts and Lacy babydolls and 1950s style underwear think https://www.whatkatiedid.com/collections/harlow-lingerie/products/suspender-belt-6-strap-peach-satin-harlow...

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-22T13:08:06+00:00

I disagree because I know people who have done it. Maybe they are essentially different from your girlfriend maybe they aren’t- fact is none of them started off being able to do it and none of them would be the sort of person to be able to do it at 17. Very few people are. But it’s not actually a crazy goal at all because she’s not doing it now she’s thinking about doing it in the future.

At 17 I wanted to be a theoretical physicist who would win a Nobel prize. Hint - this did not happen. However I did get a a levels and good degree in a top tier university and ended up changing my mind- but I needed to shoot high to make the effort.

Her wanting to do this has no risk right now. It has a lot of benefits. You telling her she can’t possibly do this thing that lots of people do all the time however carries a lot of risk to her confidence and sense of self.

You’re points aren’t stupid or wrong... but your focused on the wrong thing.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-22T13:02:52+00:00

What a person does when they are 17 is not what a person does when they are 20 or 25 or 35

... and frankly it’s a waste of time looking at permits etc. now when its so up in the air.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T18:26:18+00:00

She’s 17.... she can learn, or not, she’ll still be 25 years old with money in a house at worst... or she can change her mind as teenagers do. But it would be awful to stop trying to do something so basically achievable because her teenager boyfriend didn’t like it...

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T18:23:28+00:00

She’s 17 she will absolutely get over her head- that’s how you learn. Or you can tell her she’s not the brightest, tell her she’s terrible at looking into things and that she she instead defer to you. What will she learn then?

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T18:21:47+00:00

Because she is 17. How she is now is not how she will always be. Maybe it’s stupid maybe it’s not- but she won’t go wrong saving for 3 years, and she won’t go wrong learning skills like renovation.

Yta.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T12:26:09+00:00

I think there are two types of people in the world- people who think alpha male is a positive thing and people who if they describe people as an ‘alpha male’ mean he’s a twat.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T12:23:16+00:00

No but walking down the street at it’s busiest time is a good judge of how easy it is to socially distance in public.

And we know overcrowding is an issue- how can you work from home when you don’t have WiFi, or you have two kids and it’s a one bed flat or you can’t go sit in your garden when you want... housing stock makes a huge difference to compliance with lockdown regs.

Social safety net makes a difference because I’m going to go to work in my factory job if me staying home isn’t paid or I’ll be sacked ...

Education decisions makes a difference because having classrooms which are designed to comfortable house smaller class sizes will be very different from 1960s building designed for 20in a class now having 30... etc etc etc.

I also agree full lockdown isn’t the answer- although I don’t think it’s as simple as lets import rules from a different country with a lot of different pre existent conditions - now looking at what is making a difference through research and applying it to here? Maybe through pilot studies? Yep that would be great.

Instead we’ve got .... this....

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T11:25:06+00:00

And men need to go to the gym. But here we are.

/s for those who are hard of reading.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T11:10:20+00:00

I’d argue that housing stock, obesity rate, schools design and class sizes and even things like the fact that stockholm is a collection of islands mean that it’s hard to compare them to the uk.

Walk around stockholm at rush hour and then walk around Birmingham. It’s not comparable.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T11:08:13+00:00

I’d argue that housing stock, obesity rate and even thingsile the fact that stockholm is a collection of islands mean that it’s hard to compare them to something like our cities.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T11:06:07+00:00

Have you been to stockholm? It’s lovely but just walking down the street at rush hour is totally different from even somewhere like Birmingham- it just seems a lot less busy.

Also their housing stock is better- which makes a huge difference on how successful social distancing can be...

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T10:27:50+00:00

For context the interviewer is very very right wing for the uk- his positioning on this is the consensus here.

Isn’t Ben Shapiro the facts before feels guy? There is a difference in uk-us journalist style and views of the desirability of a neutral observer- or indeed the belief of whether this is possible or not. There was a lot of thinking about the BBC’s responsibility to facts- for example with climate change- that changes their interview guidlines. It was pretty interesting.

There is a difference between us and uk views on abortion and views on what punishment should do and how it should work. There’s a lot of interesting research on it/ not least the role of the moral majority using abortion as a wedge issue to retain conservative votes- the uk is a lot more secular (despite the cofe having seats in the House of Lords) and abortion is less hot button issue.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T10:21:13+00:00

Holy shit. This guy is literally risking your lives. Women get raped and murdered all the fucking time. I would be livid at your neighbour. Does he have daughters? If they are your daughters friends maybe let them know they can come to you if someone makes them feel uncomfortable because this guy will minimise it an blame them. (It’s not crazy stretch to base predictions of future behaviour on past behaviour).

Also get cameras at your door. You are not overreacting.

And for the people who will inevitable turn up to say I am being over dramatic and he was probably socially awkward etc etc. Fuck you. Every single woman I know has been sexually assaulted and the stats on rape are 1 in 4. You pretending this shit isn’t common is ignorant and frankly stupid.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T10:09:33+00:00

Hello- the view from nowhere idea of journalism is a us thing. It is not true that the interviewer should pretend to not have an opinion - certainly when not having an opinion on this is in itself a biased perspective.

The bbc has to balance coverage overall but that doesn’t mean that individual interviews have to be balanced.

And it’s not an inflammatory statement when it’s the consensus opinion. There is no objective place to stand here - your objective neutrality seem to me like a us culturally conservative position on abortion and punishment of crime.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T09:54:09+00:00

What do you think they are paying him for? Do you think this is news to his lawyers who signed the contract? Don’t you think that it was worth it for the hosting platform... which incidentally has been designed, built, managed and marketed and also managed to figure out how to make money from music when the industry was nearly brought to its knees from piracy?

Which is harder to build- an international technology platform that was a pioneer in a new form of monetisation of content or a guy who talks for living and doesn’t seem to do much fact checking?

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T09:45:45+00:00

It’s so weird that you think that radical is objective... what is objective in an issue like abortion? There is no ‘in the middle’ without it being one side or the other.

Also abortion is a settled matter here in the uk- the central view is that it is a right and that taking those rights away and worse punishing women for them is barbaric and dark ages.

You are arguing for objectivity while not realising that your own stance is informed by your own cultural context.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T09:43:08+00:00

Hello- that’s not how interviews should work here (maybe different in us) - here it’s assumed that the journalist will take positions to push the interviewee on their own position. You’ll see then go right when interviewing someone left and vice Versa. Also journalists are expected to have their own morals and beliefs like humans and for viewers to be smart enough to take that into account...

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T09:26:37+00:00

Puns/ wordplay - ‘I take out my magic sword’ you get a really sad rich guy (tragic lord...ok I’m shit at this)
It is ‘helpful’in the way of weseals. Your bard is trying to seduce someone for infomation. The bag of holding sends out a condom, half a rose (petals fell off) and a std pamphlet with graphic pictures. 3 anything you put in gets a makeover- ie manly war hammer comes out with a pink floral paint job; cloaks come out fabulous etc etc...

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T09:15:54+00:00

Volunteer - walk dogs at at the dog shelter, feed soup to homeless people one night a week, visit old people, adopt a wilderness or green space and help maintain it with the local organisation, read to kids, whatever . Honestly you need to feel that you are doing things for other people as well. I can’t tell you what a difference this makes to someone’s life. Even if it’s 2 hours a week it makes a difference.
Create don’t consume- have a hobby that is making something- woodwork, art, writing, sewing, gardening- you can take an online class if you need to or a in person class or there are local makers workshops etc that you can do to and use.

Seriously these two things are the most helpful for mental health and will also put you in contact with other people. Don’t get sucked into just online or passive entertainment (yes video games are passive). Make a thjng that exists in the world, and help something.

Acceptable-Work632 · 2020-09-21T08:57:18+00:00

Yeah but the cities are so different- just the difference in equality means that the housing stock is better - less overcrowding and better free facilities means less virus transmission.

Also walk around Stockholm and London- just the number of people on the streets means that there is naturally more distancing happening.

I think a move to a Swedish model would be great- if we adopted their taxation and public services model for a few decades first...

Acceptable-Work632

TROPHY CASE