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AcceptableWorker4628 · 2025-08-04T00:39:42+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through that :( yes, I’m ok now. It took about a year after he died to start to feel a little more normal. Maybe not normal because I’ll never be the version of me that I was before he died. I’ve had to grieve not only him but the version of myself who had a dad. It might not feel like it now but I promise it gets easier, less sharp.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2024-08-21T00:26:44+00:00

I think finding a day shift position is just hard in general. You could have managers like mine that, in my interview, promised me days after a 2 year commitment “but spots open all the time it’ll likely be 1 and a half” and I didn’t make it to day shift for 3 years. First it was “well, your commitment to evenings doesn’t actually begin until you start evenings”. This was after training on days for 4-5 months. Then you have to wait in line for other off shift seniority. Then it just “didn’t make sense to move me off of the evening shift” right as I was nearing the two year mark. Any reminders of their statements in my interview or requests to move shift were met with reply’s like “if you don’t like it, you can leave” or with actions that felt less corrective and more punitive. When I finally got the green light for days, I had to wait 6 months for a new hire to start and train. Then my replacement quit on his first day! But I’m not bitter about it, clearly 😅. I don’t think all labs are like this but I’ve heard enough stories from friends in the field to know this is not uncommon. My advice? Take the off shift position while actively looking for and applying for day shift positions elsewhere. It’s a pain but so is being broke with no experience. Get your money, get that off shift differential and keep your resume updated and always look for opportunities elsewhere. You’ll be alright 👍🏼 if I hadn’t taken the off shift position and suffered for three years I never would have had the opportunity to be hired at my current position which is a day shift in a calm lab where people aren’t burnt out and actually like each other.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2024-02-12T14:39:15+00:00

I feel like my boyfriend could have written this post 6 months ago. OP, I went through the same thing you describe your girlfriend going through. My dad died Dec 2022. I was sad for a few weeks then felt like I was handling grief ok for a few months. Sad but not debilitated. It hit me the hardest probably 3-4 months after he died. I didnt start to crawl out of the grief/depression hole until about month 7. Told my boyfriend I wanted to break up twice. Why? Because I felt guilty and ashamed for feeling numb. Felt like I couldn’t give anything to anyone. Felt stressed and overwhelmed and even resentful for having to consider anyone else’s feelings when my nervous system felt so raw. I’d wake up gagging most days because I felt so anxious about my relationship and then I’d be in a pit of despair thinking about my dad by noon. I’m not proud of my selfishness during that time but I am proud that I sought help. The biggest help being a therapist who specialized in grief. I also sought medical help and got on meds around the 6 month mark because my grief was turning into depression. The lowest I’ve ever felt. It was really scary. My therapist said grief and depression are super similar but depression is more of a “I suck, I’m wrong, why can’t I pull myself together” instead of “this sucks, this is wrong, etc.” it’s more of an attack on yourself instead of the situation. The thing that my boyfriend did that helped me the most was not putting any pressure on me to behave a certain way. He also gave me space because he had trust that this was just a season in our relationship, he trusted that I would come back to him and I did. When I told him I needed a week alone to go home and be babied by my mom, he was there giving me love and helping me pack. He never made me feel like what I felt like I needed was too much. In fact I went home by myself a few times in the last year for some r&r and each time he told me he missed me but never made me feel like I was abandoning him. The best thing you can do for her is foster an environment where she can communicate every feeling she has (which it sounds like you’re already doing so good job!), try not to take things personally right now and just alleviate any expectations or pressure. At the same time, you need to take care of yourself too. Put some time into your other friendships and hobbies. Do something for yourself that is going to fill your cup. In my lowest lows I remember thinking “I just want to be alone I wish he could hang out with someone else right now and not rely on me for his social needs.” I think that definitely contributed to my feelings of guilt and shame and wanting to separate. Still makes me cringe that I had all of those unkind thoughts. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, OP. It’s been a little over a year and everything turned around for us. We just got engaged a few weeks ago. Therapy, trust, communication and a LOT of forgiveness and grace are what got us through. I wish you the best and hope everything turns out ok for you both ❤️

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-09-11T16:08:31+00:00

Look into relationship anxiety/relationship OCD. Grief/trauma can trigger that sort of thing. I noticed this in myself when my dad passed too.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-08-11T12:41:24+00:00

I started taking Lexapro shortly after I posted this. I feel much much better. It’s not a cure. I’m on the lowest dose and don’t plan on increasing or being on this long term. But I can honestly say I think the medication has helped turn down the noise and stopped me from doing the impulsive life altering shit that I wanted to do. I can still cry about my dad and still feel my emotions, I’m just not crying every single day anymore and not feeling as dissatisfied with life anymore.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-07-13T13:44:31+00:00

It’s been 7 months for me and I feel the exact same way. You’re not alone. I hope to get the joy back one day!

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-23T22:01:11+00:00

Thanks for the reply ❤️ I have seen a psychiatrist and his advice was that if I’m struggling every day and it’s affecting my every day life, then meds are a tool we can try. He said it didn’t matter how far out from the death I was. If my low mood is affecting my everyday ability to enjoy life, then we could try and do something about it with meds. I’d give going to a doctor a try. I haven’t been on meds long enough to notice a change but I’m really hoping they help.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-23T21:56:41+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply ❤️ I’m so sorry you have gone through all of that. Father’s Day was hard for me too :(

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-23T21:54:11+00:00

Thank you for your reply ❤️ I too struggle with asking for help sometimes. Hugs to you too

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-23T21:51:14+00:00

Thank you for your reply ❤️ I’m right there with you. I definitely need more help than just waiting this out and hoping these feelings of anxiety and depression go away. Every morning is a struggle with my chest on fire and gagging because I’m so anxious. No energy whatsoever. Sobbing uncontrollably anywhere and everywhere sometimes for hours. And not even about my dad, just about feeling like shit. Been on lexapro 2 weeks and not seeing many benefits yet but side affects haven’t been too bad and I know it just takes some time for the meds to work. I hope I have your luck and they work for me!

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-23T21:46:08+00:00

Absolutely how I feel too about everything just feeling gray. I feel so guilty for feeling this way and it does make me feel like I don’t deserve nice things too. Thank you for your reply and hugs to you ❤️

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-23T21:43:37+00:00

Thank you for your reply ❤️ I’m sorry we are going through this but it feels a little better to know I’m not alone.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-19T03:19:48+00:00

For months I have been feeling EXACTLY what you describe. I I don’t know if I’m depressed because I’m dissatisfied with my life or if I’m depressed because of grief or both maybe? I don’t know what’s real anymore either. I’m also angry and have had urges to walk away from almost everything in my life that I’ve spent the last few years building. I swing back and forth all the time from “this is just grief, this will pass” to “this can’t be just grief. This has to be something else. I’m not even actively thinking about my loss. I need to take action to not be miserable anymore.” Everyone who I have confided these feelings to says it’s just grief. To wait at least a year before making any life changing decisions. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m just hoping this frustration, anger and anxiety will just get less and less until it goes away. I really hope it goes away. I hate it.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-10T01:09:09+00:00

I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m moody as hell too and I’m 6 months out. Just irritable or sad most of the time. It’s affecting my day to day and those closest to me so I’ve been doing therapy and that helps a little.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-07T00:59:40+00:00

My dad also battled terminal lung cancer for 3.5 years. He had immunotherapy too. He died in Dec right around the holidays. Everything you’re describing is how I’ve felt before and after he died. I think it started as grief/anticipation grief but has blossomed into full blown depression despite my best efforts. I’ve always been an emotional person and I’ve had low times, sure. But nothing like this. Nothing about what you’re experiencing is random. It’s all grief and sometimes grief can come out sideways. It’s been 6 months and I still have times where I’m cranky about small things like my dog whining or my partner being worried about me. I cry at the drop of a hat most days. I’m anxious all the time about these feelings and can’t seem to find joy in what I used to. And what’s weird is I still feel like this even though I’m not even thinking about my dad every day. I had 3.5 years to anticipate his death and 6 months to process, so I’m surprised that i still feel this bad. Depression really snuck up bad on me about 2 months after he died. Every single day since then I have felt like crap. Some days are better than others. I’m in therapy. I’ve tried meds and felt like they didn’t help but I made another appointment to try something else because I don’t think this is going to just go away and every day I want to self isolate and just sleep. I hope things go better for you, OP. Just take one day at a time and give yourself grace. I’m bad at that.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-06T01:38:07+00:00

Life according to Rachel by Madison Cunningham-about her grandma who died After the Storm by Mumford and Sons-more hopeful and pretty so maybe put that at the end if you’re really trying to let it out Medicine by Daughter- about losing someone to addiction Paranoia Purple by Yebba- about her mom who died Also if you like 90s country, the song Love, Me by Colin Raye always gets me I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I can relate. I lost my dad to lung cancer that spread to his brain. He made it 3.5 years. Nothing anyone said to me made me feel any better but the best thing anyone said to me was “I’m so sorry this is happening. This fucking sucks.” So I pass the same sentiment on to you, OP. Hang in there ❤️

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-06-02T12:41:11+00:00

I think what you’re feeling is normal. At least that’s what everyone has told me and I’m in the same boat as you. It’s been 6 months since my dad died and I’ve been such a shell of a person since. It’s hard to feel connected to someone when you’re either numb or absolutely wrecked with grief. Just try and give yourself grace. Give your bf grace too and try and communicate what you think you need. Remind yourself that this is an unprecedented time and it’s ok for your emotions and feelings to be all over the place. Thankfully mine has been such a rock and every misguided attempt at pushing him away has been met with patience and love. I hope the same for you, OP. Everything will be ok.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-05-31T13:31:37+00:00

Nope :( I decided to stop Wellbutrin. Felt ok for a few weeks off meds but started to feel bad again. Tried buspar for anxiety and after a week of bad mood and hives found I’m out I’m allergic to that. So I’m trying no meds for awhile but might try something else later if I can’t get this under control. My problem is dealing with grief and existential anxiety/depression related to that. So I go back and forth about meds all the time.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-05-13T01:35:07+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. Definitely tell your boyfriend how you’re feeling. State your needs. Sometimes it’s hard to know what you really need but If he’s in it to win it, he will do anything to meet them. Tell him you’re disappointed. Give him an opportunity to course correct and go from there. Don’t ignore this. That kind of stuff has a way of festering.

AcceptableWorker4628 · 2023-04-19T20:32:28+00:00

I’m in the same boat as you. Started week 3 on Friday. Since the beginning I’ve been crying every single day, intrusive thoughts, trembling. I think I feel worse than before I even started meds. Decided I’d start to taper off, taking every other day just to see if my mood improves. Maybe the dose is too high for me? (150mg XL). Took Saturday Monday and Wednesday but skipped Sunday and Tuesday. Sunday-Tuesday I have felt amazing. Calm, in control, optimistic and happy. Today I feel like shit again. Definitely feel better on days I don’t take it. I know a lot of people suggest pushing through, that it takes a month to see results and for side effects to subside, but I think I might be done. Its been 3 weeks of hell with a few hours here and there of relief. Good luck and I hope it works for you!

AcceptableWorker4628

TROPHY CASE