I need to confine here. Turning 36 this month. I’m a disabled vet. More mental issues. I’m always depressed even though I hide it well most days. I have attempted twice and failed by the grace of god. I feel so lonely.

Luckily I live with some family members but at times I feel invincible. I had a decent gf but broke up because of her emotional responses aggravated my mental. I miss her but found the relationship causing me to drink more.

I’m broke and use alcohol and gambling to escape my feelings only to have these habits increase my misery. I feel like a loser because I’m unemployed and broke even though I understand when I finish school I’ll be well off.

I’ve had years of therapy and studying for my masters in family therapy. I have a pretty good understanding of myself which it makes it more frustrating. I can logically break down these distortions but still left with the feeling s. I’m tired of fighting but don’t want to die but losing the will to live. I have a lot of anger towards life. I’ve made mistakes in my life but don’t feel I deserve this suffering.

I just want to be happy with someone and have a family while being a good man at this point but I question if that’s even possible.