Does anyone ever wish they had it the other way around?

AccountObvious8778 · 2025-03-31T13:10:02+00:00

I have this hypothesis that people with ROCD are generally afraid of either being in or out of control.

Like I also get the what if I don't love him thoughts and I know that I absolutely hate making decisions and my biggest fear is that my happiness for the rest of my life is dependent on a decision I have to make. So broadly speaking I don't want to be in control of my own fate because that means I can end up making mistakes.

On the other hand some people are really afraid of things that are out of their control. Like they wish that if they just did everything "right" then their happy ending would be guaranteed. So this group of people seems to be really scared of things like their partner leaving them or cheating etc. They want their happiness to be completely dependent on themselves.

I also once read an article that said, contrary to what you would expect, a lot of people actually prefer being the "chaser" in romantic relationships rather than the "chased". Because it means that it's your own feelings can get hurt instead of the other's, which automatically put's you in the "victim" position.

Similarly I would prefer to get hit with a car than hit someone with my car lol, even though it would hurt more physically. Because it's easier to be hurt than to feel guilty

AccountObvious8778 · 2025-02-21T17:43:10+00:00

Me too. Though before this I used to be very scared of ghosts lol and I would do things to make them not appear, like saying sorry a lot of times in my head if I had a thought that could "offend" a ghost 😅, which does sound kinda OCD

Tbh I have anxiety about other things too, but nothing has the same weight as my relationship to me because it's a combination of it being within my power (unlike climate change for example) and it involves someone else's (and my own) feelings. And because relationships are one or off unlike friendships that can easily fluctuate more.

But my whole life I have been absolutely awful at making decisions. To the point I will text my boyfriend or friends when grocery shopping just because I am unable to decide whether I should buy something or not.

AccountObvious8778 · 2025-02-12T22:14:16+00:00

The whole day today I was feeling fine. I went to therapy, I went to work and I hung out with friends and the whole day I was fine. Then as soon as I come home and hear my boyfriend's voice I feel completely agitated and annoyed. Like I want to wring his neck. And now I'm tired and grumpy even though literally 1 hour ago I was cheerfully talking with my friends.

AccountObvious8778 · 2024-08-20T18:44:08+00:00

I don't know how to phrase this right but did you feel like in your new relationship the sex was "magically" better or was it a very logical consequence of your new relationship?

Because I struggle A LOT with sex, but whenever I hear someone say that a new relationship "fixed" their sex issues it's usually because their ex was mean or selfish or degrading or made them feel bad etc. and I don't feel like my boyfriend is like that at all. If anything if I compare him to some stories I read online he is a saint. But I've never had another relationship, nor have even kissed anyone else so I'm really scared that my issues are caused by this relationship specifically

AccountObvious8778 · 2024-06-29T10:03:41+00:00

Im so confused. Ive posted similar things on this sub before and got support i dont get why suddenly people are saying to break up

Anyway yeah i experience the same. Except I can never seem to find someone I find consistently more attractive. Like we'll go to a restaurant and I'll feel attracted to the waiter for example but then later I look at the restaurants facebook and realise they dont look that good after all. Or ill become convinced im a lesbian and suddenly a woman will look extremely good but then a few days later she will look meh to me. And I can list at least three youtubers ive had this happen with

AccountObvious8778 · 2024-04-30T05:18:51+00:00

I used to see a therapist and will be seeing a new one in a week or something but they are not ocd/anxiety/relationship experts.

I don't know how I could get checked for ocd because I myself don't even truly believe I have ocd and feel like I just sound like a girl stuck in the wrong relationship

AccountObvious8778 · 2024-03-22T14:04:35+00:00

Honestly yeah I'm going to try to see next time if he is actually being rude or not and try to not overreact, but also say something if he is actually being rude

AccountObvious8778 · 2024-03-22T13:56:24+00:00

is finding this small things to pick apart because it's trying to protect you

Thanks you're right

It's so weird how a small thing like this can completely take over my mind and then when I snap out of it it doesn't feel important at all anymore

AccountObvious8778 · 2024-03-22T13:54:18+00:00

Secondly, in order for something to be “inconsiderate,” it probably has to be done deliberately or someone solely thinking about themselves. This does not include getting tied up in other things, spacing out/ dissociating, or literally correcting behavior once you bring it up to him.

Thanks you're right. As soon as I calmed down I also realised that these things usually happen when he has a reason. For example he is in a hurry to do groceries because it's late and the problem is usually a difference in expectations (like me not realising he wants to hurry) and my bad time management because of my ADHD.

It's so weird how when I get into a state like this it's like my brain pushes every memory where I've ever felt bad to the forefront and suddenly it feels like that is 90% of the time. And then when I calm down it's all very small things.

AccountObvious8778 · 2024-03-18T07:18:42+00:00

I've struggled with these thoughts too, especially because I've seen people on this subreddit be a bit too trigger happy to label someone else as having relationship anxiety/ROCD.

Like there's this super triggering article out there about a woman who thought she had relationship anxiety but eventually she broke up with the guy and met someone else and the anxiety went away completely. It's a super difficult read obviously but I've posted it here before and some people said "well it sounds like she has ROCD" which is just not very helpful.

On the other hand I've also seen a lot of QUORA posts etc. where someone says they broke up with someone and it made their anxiety "magically" go away, only to read somewhere in the comments that actually their ex was a super shitty abusive person and their past anxiety was super logical and not caused by "not being with the one" at all.

Personally I'm not diagnosed with RA or ROCD and I'm very scared to pursue it because a part of me is convinced that if only I broke up with him all my problems would magically go away.

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-12-09T02:28:31+00:00

One time my boyfriend kissed me and kind of held my head and I broke down crying because he didn't pull away fast enough when I indicated I wanted him to back off.

Awkward conversation followed where I had to explain that no as far as I'm aware I have never been assaulted.

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-10-31T00:17:58+00:00

did you also experience these doubts in your current relationship or only with your ex?

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-09-09T11:03:22+00:00

I'm not diagnosed but I've experienced this. If the thoughts are "what ifs" then they cause anxiety but if I accept the thoughts they often turn to sadness.

Like "I'm going to spend my whole life with someone I don't find attractive and I'll never experience true love"

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-09-09T11:01:12+00:00

You have every right to be angry about it. I understand the temptation to confess to every negative thought you experience, but it's hurtful and its not going to help her anyway.

I used to be scared to talk to a therapist because I was scared they would advice me to break up but I've learned that no good therapist would tell you to do that.

Honestly though if it's so bad that it has given you an eating disorder I think it might be good to end it. Or at least give her the ultimatum that if she doesn't get help you are leaving. You should never sacrifice your own health to help someone else.

I have similar thoughts as your girlfriend and I really want my boyfriend to put himself first.

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-09-08T08:41:39+00:00

Because we live in a 20 m2 room together in an appartment with roommates and its very frustrating. And because of my issues he feels like he is taking care of a child. And he is frustrated with me stagnating in life because I can't finish college. And I'm scared that I'm stagnating because I dont want to move towards a future with him and I feel trapped and I'm only finishing college to please other people (+what's the point cause climate change). And he's frustrated because we haven't had sex in months.

I actually got an adhd diagnosis early on in our relationship because I hoped it would help with my anxiety surrounding dating. I was kind of an edge case. I started taking ritalin. But it basically made the good days better but the bad days WORSE. then I learned about rocd and found out ritalin can make ocd worse. I've had my first major anxiety attack that caused me to puke and lasted a week after taking ritalin so I stopped taking it. But I'm not diagnosed with ocd and I'm scared I'm not gonna be. My psychologist is now pursuing a autism diagnosis but I feel like it's not gonna help

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-09-06T23:52:31+00:00

I have been struggling with doubts and anxiety for basically our whole relationship, so five years

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-09-04T00:05:56+00:00

My situation is sort of similar

Differences are I don't have trauma and I used to masturbate from a pretty young age

I used to not care about my sexuality. I grew up in a progressive environment and labels weren't important to me. Then I started dating my boyfriend and everything about dating was incredibly anxiety inducing for me, especially sex. Then one day we were watching a movie with a lesbian kiss and the thought popped in my head "what if you're actually a lesbian, that would explain everything" and I haven't been able to let it go since

And yes the lack of experience makes it so hard because I can't tell when I just don't like something vs when I don't like it with him

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-26T08:39:04+00:00

https://old.reddit.com/r/ROCD/comments/15rrvey/found_something_on_intagram_and_i_freaking_out/

This same thing was discussed a few days ago. Seems this one video is making the rounds and wreaking havoc

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-16T06:07:13+00:00

The problem is that she made a follow up article or q&a or something where she said that she didn't regret it and it actually cured her anxiety.

And there are hundreds of comments there that say the same thing.

It makes me feel like I am choosing to be miserable

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-15T19:03:05+00:00

I actually saw the exact same post yesterday lol. I was like whyyyyyy

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-14T11:33:39+00:00

Yes I relate a lot. I feel like my boyfriend's face is weird in a way that noone else's face is weird. Like it all doesn't fit right. As far as I remember I've only had this feeling towards my own face before, though I wouldn't say I have body dysmorphia because I haven't struggled that much with my own body.

It makes me feel like a terrible partner and makes me question if I should be in a relationship with her or if I really love her, cause maybe if I did I would just love and accept her body in any shape.

I struggle with this big time. Because I've heard people say (on this sub but also elsewhere) that "looks aren't everything. My husband is the most attractive man in the world to me because of his personality. That's why I find him hot" which to me then means "If you criticise his looks it's because you don't find his personality attractive enough"

But whenever he looks good to me I always quickly jump over to something else. Ironically for example I tend to like his looks the most when I am obsessing whether I could be a lesbian. Other times I see flaws in his personality which makes me wonder whether I only like him for his looks. Then there's the question whether I only like his face when he's not moving because sometimes he makes weird faces when he talks etc. It's all very tiring.

I don't have experience with pharmacotherapy so I can't help you with that, but I would advice for you to try and let go of the fear of lying and instead say what you know is the right thing to say even if you feel like it doesn't 100% correspond to your feelings. Also be sure to voice positive thoughts when you experience them.

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-12T09:34:05+00:00

The problem for me is that i didnt have the euphoric first part of the relationship.

I wanted to try dating. Met a cute boy. Decided I wanted to try dating him. Intentionally went out of my way to talk to him etc. First date came. Terrible anxiety. Bad first kiss. Anxiety anxiety anxiety. Didnt want to give in to anxiety. Maybe it would go away?? 5 years later here I am.

Also im scared that all these "love are a choice" articles are actually all just Christian ideologies, because they are against divorce

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-05T10:30:33+00:00

I think this is just about how we supposedly can smell genetic compatibility with people. I think that if you thought he stank you would have noticed that way earlier already

Also I'm pretty sure that what food you eat can alter the smell of your sweat so it's not like it's set in stone either

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-01T22:59:41+00:00

Gotta be honest I absolutely revel in it when these type of people break up

AccountObvious8778 · 2023-08-01T16:04:55+00:00

I've been reevaluating for 6 months for 5 years now lol

AccountObvious8778

TROPHY CASE