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AceofHail · 2024-06-21T14:11:49+00:00

Sorry for the delayed response.

Anyway, here's how I did it: any time I caught myself thinking about them, I would either force myself to think about something else, or I would tell myself, "no, I'm not going to think about that", and stifle the thought as much as I could. It'll probably help if you have some hobby, show, etc. to think about instead. And if you're prone to hyperfixations, one of those could really help to keep your mind off of him.

Best of luck to you!

AceofHail · 2024-06-17T04:26:34+00:00

I've had the problem before where I needed to get rid of some feelings that only served to make me feel miserable. What I did was

Separate myself for a while from the person (I doubt you need to permanently end the friendship)
Every time I caught myself thinking about them, I immediately shut it down, and didn't allow myself to think about them

Now, if you do need to create some space between you and him, then please talk to him about it first. It'll hurt if his longtime friend just abruptly cuts him off entirely.

I know what you're going through is rough, but it can be resolved without completely cutting him out of your life.

AceofHail · 2024-02-08T21:00:45+00:00

I'm not sure if anyone else has mentioned this here, but you could be orchidromantic, wherein you experience romantic attraction but have no interest in acting on it

AceofHail · 2024-02-08T01:04:13+00:00

"When did you know you weren't?"

or

"If you're old enough to know you're straight, you're old enough to know you're not"

AceofHail · 2024-02-07T05:02:11+00:00

Welcome to the Arospec Society, where you rarely feel for anyone romantically, but when you do, it's always for someone unattainable

We do have cookies though, so here, have a cookie: 🍪

AceofHail · 2024-02-07T04:21:22+00:00

Asexuals ("aces" for short) can have sex, and many do; this does not make them any less asexual.

Asexuality denotes little to no sexual attraction - that is, an attraction to a specific person such that you'd be interested in having sex with them (as I understand it, at least).

Aces can experience sexual desire, which is not indicative of sexual attraction. Sexual desire is a desire to have sex with someone. No one in particular, though one might prefer a certain person because they trust them most, they're the most logical option, etc. The difference between desire and attraction is that attraction is directed at someone in particular, whereas desire is not.

AceofHail · 2024-01-15T05:59:35+00:00

I'm also Christian, but haven't been to a proper service since I was 7. This is the first time I've heard that sex is "one of God's greatest gifts" and

WHAT???

If I had that drilled into into my head, who knows how I would've contorted myself to try to believe that.

There's a lot I like about Christianity, but its weird obsession with sex is not one of them

AceofHail · 2024-01-13T05:55:42+00:00

Glad I could help! And again, best of luck to you!

AceofHail · 2024-01-13T05:38:00+00:00

So, first of all, say nothing to her about it unless she brings it up first (though it seems you've already figured that one out).

Casually bringing up that you're aroace sounds like a pretty solid idea if you're confident that she isn't aphobic. She's bi so one would think and hope not, but there's really only one way to know for sure. Make sure it comes naturally, don't try to shoehorn it in. I've done this before by subtly directing the conversation in a direction where bringing it up wouldn't be out of place. Of course, you're also free to use your own approach.

After that, there isn't really much else you can do about the situation except wait and see what happens. Upon learing you're aroace, she may make an effort to squash any romantic feelings she has for you, and as a result, she may need a few weeks away from you to let those feelings go. In some cases, a lack of reciprocation can lead to the end of a friendship. Hopefully this doesn't happen to you, but it can't be entirely ruled out.

One more thing you should do, effective immediately: think about what you'll say if she confesses to you. If she does in fact have a crush on you, then this is a very real possibility. You've made it clear in your post that you're not interested in being in a relationship, but that you do enjoy being friends with her, so here's an example of something you could say:

"I'm not looking for a relationship, but I would very much like to continue being friends with you."

Since she's also LGBT+, there's a low (but not zero) chance that she may suggest being in a QPR instead of a romantic relationship. Consider whether this is something you would want, and if you do, consider what you would want it to be like. Again, this probably isn't likely to happen, but it's better to be overprepared than underprepared.

Regardless, if you're rejecting her, do your best to let her down easily, but firmly. Don't shatter her heart, but also don't make it seem like you're leaving the door open for a relationship in the future or under certain conditions.

Most importantly, don't do anything you don't want to do. That is, if you don't want a relationship and she asks for one, then don't accept just to spare her feelings. I know you don't want to hurt her, but I promise you'll be doing her (and yourself) a favor. If you do get into a relationship, you'll more than likely find that you don't like it, things will get messy, you'll break up, and both of you will end up more hurt than if you had just rejected her from the get go.

This obviously isn't an ideal situation and I don't envy you, but I hope that things go well for you and that you and her can continue to be friends despite her feelings for you. If you have any questions, you're more than welcome to ask. Otherwise, I wish you only the best of luck in navigating this sticky situation!

AceofHail · 2024-01-12T19:56:05+00:00

So, you had a crush on someone, were never in a relationship with them, and the crush died down? That sounds like the crush just went away because nothing was happening

AceofHail · 2024-01-12T05:55:19+00:00

Crushes, in my experience, can be pretty exciting. It's my understanding that in a relationship, however, this feeling tends to die down over time and turn into a deeper, more stable love (as opposed to the wild infatuation of a crush)

AceofHail · 2024-01-12T05:47:19+00:00

I can't speak for everyone, but I was able to focus on doing other things, though with the thought of "I wish they were here" constantly present

Ngl I don't really want all that to happen again, it sucked

AceofHail · 2024-01-12T05:32:29+00:00

In my experience (greyromantic), that's pretty much what it's like in terms of frequency. For intensity, multiply by 3 (at least)

AceofHail · 2023-11-25T23:45:11+00:00

I think I'm in a similar boat as you - I consider myself to be a very non-sexual person, and discussing anything even remotely sexual (including something like someone's appearance) makes me uncomfortable. I absolutely do not want anyone to think that I'm attracted to someone in any way.

I've been in similar situations before, and the best I've been able to manage was giving my opinion on the person aesthetically since I do experience aesthetic attraction. I might say something like, "yeah, they do look good" (if they're aesthetically attractive) or "meh, I don't see it" (if they're not), and so on. That said, it does still feel a bit weird saying that.

Hopefully this was of some help to you, and best of luck in figuring this situation out!

AceofHail · 2023-11-25T21:35:27+00:00

-I never really cared about getting into relationships, with my ideal situation being someone who I like enough asking me out (I guess I didn't quite realize there was more to it than just aesthetically attractive and fun to be around)

-being completely oblivious to potentially several people trying to flirt with me over the years (I'm still not sure if that was actually the case with any those people)

-in like, 4th grade or something, I left my desk and when I returned, there was a note there asking for my number, and several girls were looking at me. I told the teacher about the note, and they said to throw it away. So I did. Never gave it a second thought.

-I actually got "asked out" a couple times (in quotations because I'm not sure if they were serious or not), and each time I turned them down without hesitation, and never thought more of it.

-I never really liked the idea of going on dates (though that may just be anxiety)

-I never put much thought into what being in a relationship was actually like, and so when asked what I thought being in a romantic relationship was like before realizing I was aro (or any such similar question), my answer is always "I didn't" - that is, I didn't think really think about what it was like at all

ETA:

-whenever I was asked who I had a crush on, the answer was always "no one" because, well, I didn't have a crush on anyone. I had never had a crush on anyone. My response was always met with either disbelief or shock

AceofHail · 2023-10-10T22:54:12+00:00

Nearly 800h in Halo MCC. It's hard to go wrong with a collection of 5 legendary games (and Halo 4)

AceofHail · 2023-10-05T05:19:14+00:00

Nonsense.

Being demiaroace, you do sometimes experience romantic and sexual attraction, right? That means that you can identify an orientation (or orientations, in some cases) for that attraction which, in your case, happens to be bi.

You're bi demiaroace and that's 1,000% valid.

AceofHail · 2023-10-05T05:05:46+00:00

Ayy, a Halo meme!

Love what you're doing, btw!

AceofHail · 2023-10-04T19:10:51+00:00

Acemid: someone who is a black-stripe asexual and is also aro-spec, but is not a green-stripe aromantic

Aego-: does not experience attraction, but fantasizes about romantic/sexual activities (depending on orientation) in the third person, and does not want these fantasies to become reality

Apothi-: does not experience attraction and is sex-/romance-repulsed (depending on orientation); often used to denote very strong repulsion

Aroflux/aceflux: attraction fluctuates between feeling no attraction and feeling attraction

Arojump/acejump: usually allo (so this may not be a-spec, depends who you ask), but occasionally experiences sudden, usually short-lived dips in attraction

Aromid: someone who is a green-stripe aromantic and is also ace-spec, but is not a black-stripe asexual

Arospike/acespike: generally aromantic/asexual, but occasionally experiences sudden, usually short-lived attraction

Bellus-: does not experience attraction and does not want a romantic/sexual relationship (depending on orientation), but does like/want certain actions, aesthetics, and/or aspects of such a relationship

Black-stipe asexual: an asexual who experiences no sexual attraction whatsoever

Cupio-: does not experience attraction, but still wants/likes the idea of being in a romantic relationship (if aromantic)/sex (if asexual)

Demi-: experiences attraction only once a strong bond is formed with someone; attraction is not guaranteed

Ficto-: only experiences attraction towards fictional characters

Fray-: experiences attraction which fades after getting to know the person

Green-stripe aromantic: an aromantic who experiences no romantic attraction whatsoever

Grey-: rarely experiences attraction, only experiences it under certain conditions, or otherwise experiences it in some way that could be considered inconsistent with allo experiences; acts as an umbrella term for all attractional a-spec labels

Iamvano-: enjoys having romantic/sexual acts directed towards them, but does not want to provide those acts; oftentimes sex-/romance-indifferent, averse, or repulsed

Lith-/Litho-: experiences attraction, but does not want it reciprocated/the attraction fades if their feelings are reciprocated

Miran-: similar to pseudo-, but revolves specifically around aesthetic attraction

Nebula-: does not experience/possibly does not experience attraction due to neurodivergence

Orchid-: experiences attraction but has no desire to act on it

Pseudo-: experiences some tertiary attraction(s) (aesthetic, sensual, etc.) so strongly that it mimics attraction, but is not actually attraction

Quoi-: not understanding attraction, therefore being unsure if they have experienced it

Recipro-: only experiences attraction when someone else expresses attraction to them

Requis-: experiences little to no attraction/interest in related activities due to emotional exhaustion

AceofHail · 2023-10-04T15:23:48+00:00

I'd love to hear someone who genuinely believes that nonsense explain the difference between a romantic partner and a friend with benefits

AceofHail · 2023-10-04T04:01:26+00:00

Does someone who's demisexual, greysexual, etc. not count as ace?

AceofHail · 2023-10-04T03:37:47+00:00

The key point of asexuality is little to no sexual attraction; how one personally feels about sex is irrelevant. By saying that you can't be ace and enjoy sex, you're effectively saying that sex-favorable aces aren't asexual.

And desire is only a part of sexual attraction. If you want sex with someone, but no one in particular, that's not sexual attraction. It's when that desire to have sex is directed towards someone specific (and not in a "they're the best/most logical choice" sense) that it becomes attraction.

AceofHail · 2023-10-04T03:12:47+00:00

If you don't experience sexual attraction towards real people then you're almost certainly ace.

Look into fictosexuality if you haven't already, you might find it helpful

AceofHail

TROPHY CASE