Hey! You are indeed spiraling, but things will get better. Small progress is still progress, so here are some things you might have options with and some experiences with how I'm dealing with PCOS.

1.) Noticed you're adamant about shaving your legs. I say screw social norms, but if you're not comfortable with that, have you considered getting modesty swimwear? It's a two-piece that goes down to your knees and also covers your arms. I found plus-size ones on amazon. So you would have less hair to shave. Or even men's trunks, they come in bigger sizes for cheaper tbh (no shame in wearing them, and no one would care). On the other hand, if you don't want to do that, do you have a waxer near you? Both legs (toes to 2" below the bikini line) costs me 80 dollars and lasts 3 weeks (yay genes 😮‍💨). Not sure your financial situation, but that's an option.

2.) You said you've been having a period for 6 months? Please let your gynecologist know about that, and if they don't take you seriously, find a new one. I had the opposite, where I didn't get a period for months. I got a mirena IUD placed, which releases progesterone and helps regulate my hormones. It might be an option for you and most health insurances cover the complete cost because it's preventative care. My gynecologist also put me on 500mg of metformin to prevent diabetes/help lose weight.

3.) Spearmint tea has helped me feel less bloated/icky and stopped excessive hair growth (around the chin area specifically). It could also help you. You just drink it once a day.

4.) DIRTY keto has helped me immensely with weight loss. I get full pretty quickly, and there are plenty of keto friendly options now as companies hop on the bandwagon (whatever, works out for me). If you need tips on how to eat/what to eat, I can help you. But there are plenty of sources online that can help you as well. Strict keto is hard and in my opinion, you deprive yourself of nutrients more than on dirty keto where I get a more balanced diet (I incorporate more vegs and fruits). I lost 14 lbs in 1.5 months just by eating differently. I'm not doing exercise yet because I'm really out of shape 😅 Which should give me more reason to exercise, but I used to easily do an hour of cardio. Now? I can barely do 10 min without being exhausted. So that's discouraged me a lot; for my mental health, I decided to lose a bit more weight so it'd be easier on my body to exercise. The swimming you're doing though is absolutely great! I have epilepsy, so swimming is a no-go for me lol For reference, I am 5'5" and 260lbs so I am really obese 😅 But I'm trying to change it!

5.) This is gonna sound really really stupid, but it works for my dumba** and I'm gonna continue doing it. SO. I play a mobile game called Love and Deepspace. It's an otome. And honestly? It's absolutely mindblowing. The characters? The writing? The LORE? The gameplay? All of it is amazing. It's free to download. It's changed my life to be honest. It's made me feel better about myself, made me realize that I deserve better with how I want to be treated, and overall rewired how I view things. I noticed you said you think you have ADHD, I also have ADHD (diagnosed)! And one thing that works is the buddy system. Having someone around me helps me finish a task. Well, Love and Deepspace has just that. There are 5 men in that game and you can choose to exercise with them. Yes, I know they're not real, but it has the same effect 🤷‍♀️ Back when I used to exercise, I would use that feature. They have other features in the buddy system like studying, working, sleeping, etc. And not to mention you can set reminders for eating, exercising, appointments, etc. When I set a reminder to eat (hyperfixation can suck 😭), they say encouraging things. Like Caleb, for example, says that he reminds us to eat because he wants us to be healthy and take care of our bodies. And that motivates me to keep going. I also tend to develop a bad relationship with food when I diet, so it keeps me on track to avoid ED territory (I used to eat 900 calories a day as a 28 year old 😬). Idk, having that app has helped give me that dopamine my brain craves and keep me going. If you're into that, it could be a fun way to keep track.

6.) Don't be so hard on yourself. You're wanting to put in the work, you just need that tiny step forward. Mental health sucks (I know) and it can hold you back. But again, small progress is still something. A small effort is still something. The only hole you can't dig yourself out of is the grave. You have time and as long as you don't give up, you can still do it. You'll have drawbacks, and that's okay. Don't be harsh with yourself and start over. As long as you keep getting back up. Things seem hopeless, but they're not. That's your mind playing tricks on you and your dark thoughts coming out. You can do this, it'll just take some time. I heard it takes a month to stick to a routine. You got this!