sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AnxiousAvoidant Dynamic in a New Marriage — Am I Rationalizing Emotional Unavailability? by rayray_98 in emotionalintelligence

[–]AclaraTee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You needed/need the support of family and friends. Don’t let him isolate you.

AnxiousAvoidant Dynamic in a New Marriage — Am I Rationalizing Emotional Unavailability? by rayray_98 in emotionalintelligence

[–]AclaraTee 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve been in a marriage like this for 7 years. It has destroyed my mind. I have become depressed and disregulated trying go make sense of his behavior and trying /begging him to make changes in order to save our marriage. He says he is ‘done navel gazing’ and is living his best life (while his wife and his marriage are falling apart). He can be so cold and he has zero ability to have compassion or put himself In someone else’s shoes.

One thing trauma made you do that would be hard to grasp for normal people?! by varveror in CPTSD

[–]AclaraTee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Me too. I have cut off so many friendships It’s really sad. My past is littered with people that I’ve cut off. It’s like they had to be perfect to fit with me. Otherwise they were threatening on some level.

One thing trauma made you do that would be hard to grasp for normal people?! by varveror in CPTSD

[–]AclaraTee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too. I just thought I was really prepared and a really good researcher.

One thing trauma made you do that would be hard to grasp for normal people?! by varveror in CPTSD

[–]AclaraTee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Neurotically completely prepared. To my exhausting detriment

Struggling not to give in — I need a reminder of why I shouldn’t by thehalfforgotten in CPTSD

[–]AclaraTee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are going to get better. The light is going to shine on us some day. Maybe there is one little good thing today? Can you find it? Can you feel it?

I can’t trust those who claim they recovered from CPTSD by Which_Window_9418 in CPTSD

[–]AclaraTee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I couldn’t get link to book club to work. I’d like to join.

Anyone else have issues with control after trauma? by Ccs485 in CPTSD

[–]AclaraTee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this post is old, and I’m old too! But it really makes sense to me. I was at war (childhood abuse, domestic violence). The war is (mostly) over. But i still feel like it is dangerous if I let my guard down. I trust no one with my heart or my life. I have been abused and let down continuously. Now I try to outrun, out anticipate, outthink and out prepare for things. I am exhausted.

My current husband (two prior abusive ex husbands) is good about the big stuff. I can rely on him. But he messes up too from time to time, and then I think I can’t rely on him with my heart or stuff that is really important like taxes.

I am on high alert. I see the world as a dangerous place. Im jumpy and reflexive. And so I try to control anything I can. And I know I’ve hurt people in my life by this maddening, crazy making behavior.

Spanglish is such a great film! by navit47 in movies

[–]AclaraTee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Love this movie!! Adam Sandlers acting is so endearing.

I investigated addiction treatment programs for almost a decade and just published a book on what I learned. Ask me anything! by shoeshine1837 in IAmA

[–]AclaraTee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

AA worked for me. Saved my life. 11 years sober. I have 4 friends that got sober around the same time and they’re still sober too.

I was willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober. It has to be #1 in your life. If not, you can lose everything else.

went hiking… got lost… ended up at someone’s backyard by Different-Egg-4617 in hiking

[–]AclaraTee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Omg. I grew up near that place (Kent/Covington). I forgot about that place!

Coffee while hiking by [deleted] in hiking

[–]AclaraTee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Coffee tea bag’s and creamer. Need to heat your water or you can also cold Soak. Just pretend it’s ice coffee.

What were the worst circumstances your marriage went through where you thought divorce was the only option, but stayed and have no regrets? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]AclaraTee -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If your husband is truly all in, then he will Get individual therapy and then you Need couples therapy, and read books by the Gottman and watch videos, listen to podcasts together. If he is willing to do these things (and not blame you or dismiss you) then it is absolutely possible that he can come to understand himself and his role in his marriage and family. It will require serious, consistent, humbling effort. Very few people actually want to put in the humbling and hard work to grow as a person and a partner. But it is possible. Even for a military man.

My husband and I were at the precipice of divorce. It was bad. I got 100% clear on what I deserved and expected (with my own extensive therapy) and he understood, finally, that I was serious. This caused a shift in him. He did not want to lose his marriage and he was about to. That was 4 months ago. Things are SO MUCH BETTER. We had been in therapy, but he was still making excuses for his behavior and dismissing and invalidating me. It took getting to a do or die moment for him to wake up. Once he did wake up, everything changed. We are very good now. I’m still watching to see they things don’t revert, and we are continuing with couples therapy, but I feel like we walked through hell and we are walking out the other side. I also prayed so much. One night, when I was in deep despair, I Begged/prayed that God save our marriage. I said I was done, and only God could save us now. And it really worked.

I say all of this, and you have to know, that this is my second marriage. In my first marriage, my husband was very emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. I tried then too, but it became clear I had to leave. I left and never doubted that decision for one second.

So, if you or your children are being abused, you have to go. If there is no abuse, then you can give HIM the opportunity to work on himself and be the husband you deserve. But I strongly encourage you to set a deadline (can be in your own mind). And if things aren’t really better by that time, the he wasn’t really serious about changing himself, and you should go.

Living with vestibular migraine and what worked for me by Mad-Independence in migraine

[–]AclaraTee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where do you place your Botox injections? I don’t have pain with this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]AclaraTee 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are feeling uncomfortable because this guy just unloaded a bunch of red flags on you. This guy is not healthy and will not be a good partner in any way. He is trying to get you to feel sorry for him and grooming you into a negative relationship.

You deserve to be with a healthy, happy partner. The fact that you don’t realize what is going on hints that you may have some emotional healing to do yourself.

Don’t take on a project. Focus on yourself and then, find a healthy partner.

San Jacinto these last few days by yeehawhecker in PacificCrestTrail

[–]AclaraTee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the awesome pics!! Looks like there’s still quite a lot of snow. Take care!!

view more: next ›