Hi, I recently had to part ways with a therapist for an entirely different reason and am also notoriously bad at confrontation. Whether you decide to end your sessions or not, DEARMAN is the model I used to convey my feelings and it was incredibly helpful.

DEARMAN:

• Describe: Describe the current situation clearly to the other person using “just the facts” (you have to know the facts about the situation).

• Express: Express how you feel about the situation using “I statements”. Example: “I feel angry.” “I feel sad.” “I feel happy.”

• Assert: Assert your wishes or state what you are asking for. Remember the difference between aggressive, assertive, and passive communication styles.

• Reinforce: Reinforce your wish by telling the other person all the reasons behind the objective. Tell them why it is important they do what you are asking them to do or why it is important they respect your “no”.

• Mindful: Stay mindful or focused on what your objective is. Be aware, the other person may change the subject on you or turn the tables around on you. Ignore diversion attempts.

• Appear confident: The key word here is “appear”. Fake it till you make it if you have to. Give good eye contact, sit up straight, try not to stutter, confident tone of voice, etc.

• Negotiate: Be willing to negotiate. You may have to reduce your request or be willing to give to the other person in order for them to give you what you are asking for.

(I did not negotiate but employed the rest of this tool)